A Love Forbidden: Cullen's Story
by Michelle Clover
Summary: Cullen is a man at war with himself, torn between his duty and Serena, the woman he desires. When she returns to the Tower as a Warden and saves the Circle, Cullen's commander orders him to join her party so the templars can keep tabs on her. Will he allow his vows to keep him from following his heart or will he risk everything to be with the mage his heart longs for?
1. Chapter 1

_AN- I do not own any rights to the Dragon Age world or characters portrayed in the following story. This story is AR loosely based on Canon of the Magi Origin story in Dragon Age Origins._

"Balls!" Cullen cursed under his breath as he pulled on the handle of the big wooden door. He had completely forgotten that the door leading to the rotunda from the kitchens was locked at that time of night. Now he would have to go all the way back around to get to the staircase leading to the templars' quarters. He walked briskly back through the great hall, glancing at the large grandfather clock that stood against the wall as he went. He had only ten more minutes to get to the Harrowing Chamber. He picked up his pace as much as he dared without calling attention to himself.

Knight Commander Greagoir had informed him that an apprentice would be going through the Harrowing that evening and it was Cullen who had been chosen to be executioner if it went badly. It was an important job and it was the first time it had been entrusted to the young templar. He had attended the ritual with other apprentices before, of course, but only served as a witness. This time it was his turn to prove his mettle. He hadn't been told which apprentice would be going through the Harrowing that evening, only that it was to be a female. It didn't matter though; Cullen was more than ready to do his duty. He didn't relish the thought of killing anyone, but he knew that if it needed to be done it was because the apprentice had become an abomination. Protecting the world from that sort of evil was the reason that he became a Templar in the first place and he was proud to be able to fulfill his sacred trust. If he didn't make it to the chamber in time, however, it would be the very last time he would be given that particular assignment.

After he made it through the great hall and back into the corridor, he took a quick look around to make sure that no one was watching before he broke out into a run. The heavy templar armor that he wore made it more difficult, but he knew that he was making good time. He cursed himself for his procrastination. He had been waiting to see if he could catch a glimpse of Serena coming out of the hall after the evening meal. He hadn't seen her since that morning and assumed that he would at least be able to see her after supper.

That night had been no different from any other for him. He waited by the door for her as he always did. She and her constant companion Jowan were always among the last to leave the hall in the evening, so Cullen thought nothing of it at first. When he noticed that it was nearly nine and she still hadn't appeared, he figured that he would go through the hall and get to the inner room through the scullery. That way he could at least see her as he walked by. Much to his dismay, she wasn't there and neither was Jowan. He didn't have any time to dwell on it though. He had to get to the Harrowing Chamber as quickly as possible.

He rounded the corner into the middle forum and almost ran straight into a tall blonde mage leaning against the wall next to the staircase.

"Hello Cullen. In a hurry to send another apprentice mage to the Maker, I see."

Cullen sneered at the man. "Hello, Anders. And I see that you're not in a hurry to do anything as usual."

Anders smirked at the templar's lame attempt at a comeback. "I hope you didn't hurt yourself coming up with _that _one…Anyway, I'm just waiting here to tell our friend good luck when she arrives. You know, before she's sent to her doom. It would be a damned shame to kill this one. She's pretty cute. I've had my eye on her for a while. If she survives this, maybe I can convince her that we should get to know one another more _intimately_. "

Cullen stole a glance at the clock on the wall. Five minutes and counting. He didn't have time to deal with Anders at that moment. As it was, even if he made it on time, he was still going to get a lecture from Greagoir. The last thing he wanted to do was actually be late. He galloped up the stairs, leaving Anders to do whatever it was that Anders did. The mage had a reputation around the tower for being a philanderer. It seemed that his favorite past time was taking the virtue of newly harrowed females. From what Cullen had heard, once he had his way with them he would immediately move on to his next victim. As he rounded the corridor into the room outside of the Chamber, the young templar wondered if he should warn that night's apprentice of Anders' less than honorable intentions, assuming she even survived.

The tower clock had just rang out its last chime to signal the hour when Cullen closed the Chamber door behind him. Knight Commander Greagoir frowned at him disapprovingly.

"Cutting it a little close aren't we templar?"

Cullen gave the older man a sharp nod. "I apologize, Knight Commander. I was unavoidably delayed."

Greagoir crossed his arms. "For future reference, ser, nothing is more important than the orders that you are given by me. Now go take your place by the pedestal and try to gain your composure before we begin."

"Yes, Knight Commander." The younger templar gave another sharp nod before securing his position. He felt beads of perspiration making their way down his brow to his cheeks as he tried to catch his breath from the exertion of running. He tried to be as inconspicuous as possible when he removed his metal gauntlet and quickly wiped the sweat from his face with his hand. He heard the door begin to creak as it opened and quickly replaced his glove. The feel of wetness on his palm inside the cold metal made him cringe slightly.

He saw the aged First Enchanter enter the Chamber with a woman trailing close behind. At first, he couldn't see which apprentice was about to take part in the Harrowing ritual. When Irving stepped aside, Cullen's knees buckled and he almost lost his balance. It was her, Serena. It suddenly all made sense. Apprentices who were to take their Harrowing were not allowed anything to eat the day of the ritual and they were put in solitary confinement for the last twelve hours beforehand. That's why she hadn't been in the dining room and that's why he hadn't seen her since early that morning.

As the Knight Commander spoke about the rite of passage, Cullen just stared at her. Her dark brown hair was cut into a sort of long layered soft bob that caressed her jawline. Her bangs, which touched the bridge of her nose, complemented her twinkling bright blue eyes perfectly. She looked around at the men who formed a half circle around the pedestal and stopped when she spied him standing in the middle. Her full lips curved into a small smile when her eyes met his. He swallowed back a lump that had formed in his throat as he returned the gesture.

Irving spoke to her which caused her to look away. Cullen mentally shook himself to concentrate on the grim task ahead. He watched her as she sashayed toward the podium that stood immediately before him. The way she swayed her full hips drove him to distraction. On most people, mages robes were unflattering, dowdy things. But Serena made them look alluring as the material clung to her ample hourglass curves in all the right places. When she placed her hands upon the dais, he could smell the sweet aroma of her perfume and it almost made him dizzy. He closed his eyes and said a silent prayer to the Maker asking Him to help her resist temptation and make it through.

When the apprentice finally entered the Fade, Greagoir looked up at the large clock in the corner and noted the time. "Ten after nine." He stared at Cullen gravely. "If she hasn't defeated the demon by ten after ten, you will strike the killing blow."

Cullen steeled himself before answering lest he betray his feelings for the mage. "Yes, Knight Commander."

Only twenty minutes passed before Irving announced that the demons that had been put in the Fade with the girl were gone. She actually did it. It was the first time that Cullen had ever been part of a successful Harrowing. Greagoir looked down at the girl lying unconscious on the floor before speaking to Irving.

"You will need to get one of your mages to come collect her and take her back to her dormitory."

Irving nodded. "Of course, Greagoir. Anders actually volunteered for the job. He's waiting right outside."

Cullen blurted out, "No!" before stammering his explanation. "I…I apologize, First Enchanter, but I believe that Anders' intentions toward this mage are rather nefarious. I will take her back to her room…If the Knight Commander wishes it that is."

The Commander regarded young templar thoughtfully for a moment before agreeing to his offer. Cullen gently gathered Serena in his arms and carried her through the door and down the stairs. Anders, who was anticipating Irving's call to complete the task, was standing at the bottom of the steps looking bored. He held out his arms.

"It was nice of you to deliver her to me. I'll take it from here."

Cullen shook his head. "No, Anders. I'm taking her back to the apprentice's quarters. You can go crawl back into your hole."

The tall mage snickered at the templar. "I should have known that you'd end up taking this job away from me Cullen." A crooked smirk played at the corners of his mouth. "That's okay though. You go ahead and carry her all the way back to her room. Seems like a lot of work to spend time with a girl that's passed out cold. I'll just see her tomorrow when she's awake…much more fun that way anyhow."

The templar sneered at him. "Stay away from her, mage…if you know what's good for you."

Anders looked up the stairs, above Cullen's head and grinned. "First Enchanter, how very nice to see you again. Young Cullen was just telling me how he was willing to take charge of our young friend here."

Anger flashed in Cullen's green eyes before he hissed, "Excuse me" at the condescending mage. Anders moved to the side and bowed low to the templar, the cat-like grin never leaving his face. Cullen wanted nothing more than to lay him out cold on the stone floor, but continued on his way. It would do no good for anyone to see how much Anders had gotten under his skin when it came to Serena.

He kept his eyes forward while he made his way through the templar's quarters. When he reached the landing on the third floor, he stopped and peered down at the woman he was carrying. She was a vision of loveliness, cradled peacefully in his strong arms. He said another silent prayer to the Maker, this time thanking Him for bringing her through her trial safely. She stirred a bit which made him realize that he needed to start walking again.

When he reached her dormitory, he took her to her bed and laid her down gently. He glanced around the room to make sure that all of the apprentices were sleeping. When he was sure it was safe, he bent and gently kissed her forehead.

"Goodnight, Serena." He whispered as he covered her with the thick blanket that was folded at her feet. The moonlight shining in through a nearby window shone its heavenly light on her face. Cullen sat down beside her and watched her breathe evenly as she slept.

He removed the plate glove from his right hand and brushed her hair back as he recalled the first time he saw her. He had not yet taken his vows when he was assigned to the Circle. He was only sixteen and he was nervous about working alongside much more seasoned men. Even though he had lived there his whole life, he had only trained as a templar at the Chantry in Denerim for a year before he was sent to the Circle.

He had been there less than a week and he was walking the corridors of the apprentice's floor when he quite literally bumped into Serena. She was coming out of her dormitory reading a book and he was looking around trying to gain his bearings when she hit him like he was a brick wall. The force of the impact knocked him back a step and knocked her to the ground. He apologized and held out his hand to help her to her feet. When she looked into his eyes and smiled then took his hand, it was all over for him. He fell head over heels right then and there.

Since that morning six years ago, he had spent every day trying to find ways to be near her. He even took on extra duties in hopes that he would be able to catch a glimpse of her. It always brightened his day when she would on occasion actually speak to him beyond their usual short friendly greetings, which usually consisted of her walking by and smiling with a cordial "Hi Cullen" and him only managing a sheepish grin.

He knew his feelings were wrong and he knew that he had no chance with her, but he just couldn't help himself. He was a templar and his whole life revolved around one mage who probably didn't even know he existed beyond the guy she just happened to pass by several times a day. She had no idea that she secretly held his heart in her hands and she never would.


	2. Chapter 2

The following morning, Cullen awoke early in order get down to the great hall before the morning meal began. As he got ready for the day, he couldn't keep the smile from his face. He had been assigned to guard the mage's dormitories on the second floor over a year ago which meant that he didn't get to see Serena as often as he might like, but because she passed her Harrowing, she would be moving to his floor that day. As he shaved, he wondered if he would finally be able to work up the nerve to actually speak to her. Their conversations, if they could be called that, always consisted of her talking to him and him stuttering through inane babbling in response. Maker, she probably thought that he was a complete idiot.

He rinsed his face and stepped back, taking a long look at himself in the mirror. He puffed out his chest and flexed his bicep. What was he so afraid of? He could honestly say that he wasn't a bad looking sort. In fact, he had overheard many conversations between both mages and the sisters that attested to that fact. He was no longer the awkward boy Serena had run into all those years ago. Why wouldn't she find him attractive? His shoulders slumped. Maybe it was because he always acted like a bumbling fool whenever she was around. He was still completely inexperienced when it came to women and that was on top of the fact that he was painfully shy.

One of the other templars suggested that he go down to the tavern during the weekend and meet up with a girl who would give him a tumble for fifteen silver to help him overcome his timidity, but he just couldn't do it. Most of the men in the Order weren't raised in the Chantry the way he was. Since he had been dropped at the Chantry's doorstep when he was still a baby, he never knew his mother or father. For whatever reason, the sisters took pity on him and raised him themselves instead of dumping him into an orphanage. He grew up being taught the value of piety and virtue. He never questioned those morals until he met Serena. He didn't just want to bed the girl, although the thought of being with her in that way crossed his mind daily. He wanted to love and cherish her, to make her happy. He wanted to spend a lifetime with her and only her.

After a glance at the clock on the wall, Cullen dressed quickly and made his way to the dining hall where he wolfed down his food within minutes. He then hurried to his post outside the second floor dormitory. The man he was to relieve seemed genuinely surprised to see the young templar show up that early, since he normally made it to his post with only minutes to spare. Once the previous guard was out of sight, Cullen leaned against the wall to wait for Serena to arrive with her things. He spent the next few hours rehearsing what he would say to her. His plan was to congratulate her for a job well done and then ask her if she needed any help settling in.

Finally, he heard her voice as she approached from the second floor library. He wondered who she was talking to. He assumed that it was probably Jowan, but he was almost floored when he saw Anders walking next to her leering like a spider that had caught a fly in its web. Cullen felt his heart sink into his stomach which lurched so badly that he almost gagged. The tall mage was carrying a large trunk, which had to belong to Serena. He cursed himself for not thinking of the fact that she would need help carrying it up to the second floor.

Anders flashed a toothy grin. "Well hello again, Cullen. I thought that I would give our newest mage a helping hand in moving to her new room. And in turn, she has agreed to have breakfast with me this morning." The mage turned to Serena and gazed into her eyes. He lowered his voice slightly. "Which I hope will convince her to have dinner with me tonight…and maybe a little dessert afterward."

Cullen caught the double entendre immediately. Unfortunately, Serena's coy giggle told him that she did as well and seemed very open to Anders' invitation. She didn't even glance at Cullen as she followed Anders into the dormitory. As soon as she was completely out of site, the templar threw his head back against the stone wall and closed his eyes. He felt like he was going to be sick. Why in Andraste's name would she be with Anders? He realized when he first arrived at the tower six years ago that she had a thing for the roguish mage, but he thought that she had to know his reputation by now. Maybe she didn't care. Maybe that's the type of man she wanted. But why would any woman want to be treated like that, to be used and then tossed aside like rubbish? He just didn't understand it. He tried to even out his breathing as he attempted to sort it all out when he heard her voice.

"Hi Cullen."

He opened his eyes and pushed himself away from the wall. She was alone. He peeked into the open door behind her, but didn't see Anders.

"Oh…uh…h…hi S…Serena." He mumbled. "I th…thought you would be headed to breakfast w…with…"

"Anders?" she asked with humored surprise. She shook her head as she chuckled. "Oh no, I'm not that stupid. I know his reputation all too well. We are friends and we flirt a little, but it will never go any further than that. He would like for it to and of course he has tried, but I'm just not into guys like that."

Cullen's brow furrowed as he felt his heart leap back into his chest. He was so surprised at her answer that he completely forgot his nervousness for a moment. "So what type of guys _are_ you interested in?" As soon as he asked the question, his shyness returned and could feel his face and ears turn red.

Serena shrugged her shoulder and smiled sweetly. "Actually, I prefer the strong silent type. I find a bit of shyness to be quite an endearing trait in a man." Was she actually coming on to him?

"R…really?" he asked.

"Without a doubt." She replied. He could feel beads of perspiration begin to form on his forehead, which prompted her to ask, "Are you sweating Cullen?"

He knew that if he said no that it would be an obvious lie, but he didn't want her to ask why so he decided to change the subject.

"Con…congratulations on completing your Harrowing, Serena."

"Thank you Cullen. I saw you in the Chamber." she observed. "You were the one that was supposed to put me down if I became an abomination weren't you?"

"Y…yes." He stammered. He didn't like where this conversation was headed. She took a step closer to him and cocked her head to one side.

"And would you have struck me down if you were ordered to do so?"

His face couldn't mask the remorse he felt regarding his answer. "It would have been…difficult and I wouldn't have taken any pleasure in it…but y…yes, I would have done whatever was necessary."

She smiled up at him as she stepped nearer. "It's okay, Cullen." She whispered. "I understand." He backed away a step, but the stone wall behind him prevented further retreat. She moved forward until she was practically stepping on his toes. He could feel her hot breath on his face as she looked up into his green eyes, her own bright blue ones shining like polished sapphires. Her full plum lips parted slightly, begging to be kissed. "Cullen, I was wondering…is there any way we could speak privately."

His eyes betrayed his sadness. "I'm a templar and you are a mage…I…I don't think that it would be appropriate for us to be completely alone." What was he doing? She was obviously making a pass at him and he was blowing it. There was only an inch standing between their lips. More than anything, he wanted to close that tiny gap, but he just couldn't will himself to do it. His sense of duty and reason was overriding his desire for her. He turned his head away and cast his eyes to the floor to the right of him. "I have duties to attend to, and I don't think that it would be wise if we were seen in this…position."

"Of course." She whispered with a disappointed frown. She kissed him lightly on the cheek that he had turned to her. "Thank you, for carrying me to my bed last night." She backed away and he grimaced at her questioningly. "Anders told me." She explained.

She began to walk away. It went against everything his head was telling him, but he couldn't just let her go thinking that her advances were completely unwanted.

"Um…may…maybe we can talk again later…if you, uh, want to."

She turned around and beamed at him. "I'd like that." She pointed over her shoulder and began walking backward. "I have to go see Irving right now. Maybe I'll see you when I'm finished."

"You can, um…come talk to me anytime you like." He said, relieved that she wasn't angry or put off by his rejection. She bit the right side of her bottom lip, holding back a coy smile. Then she batted the lashes over her flirtatious eyes before she circled around and headed in the direction of the First Enchanter's office. He followed her swinging hips with his eyes until she disappeared around the corner and took slow deep breaths as he put his head against the wall again.

The next time he saw her she walked by talking with an older man with dark hair and a dark beard. He was dressed in some sort of soldier's uniform, but not one that Cullen recognized. Serena smiled at him apologetically as she passed. Cullen assumed that the man was some sort of visiting ambassador and Serena was serving as his guide.

He stood waiting for her to return before his shift was over, but she never did. Disappointed, he made his way to the dining hall for his afternoon meal. Most everyone had already cleared out of the hall before he got there, so he sat alone picking at his food. He wondered why she didn't return to talk to him. From the way she had said goodbye, he had been sure that she would. He tried to tell himself that something important must have come up, but deep down he felt that she was just trying to be nice when she departed from him. Maybe she was just toying with him as a joke. That thought put him off his food completely.

He was just getting ready to get up from the table, when two more templars walked through the door speaking in hushed tones. Normally he tried to avoid eavesdropping on his fellows' private conversations, but he heard one of them mention Jowan's name. He put his fork to his plate and pretended that he was concentrating on his food while straining to hear what was being said. Serena and Jowan were almost always together so he hoped to hear something about her.

His breath caught in his throat when he heard one of the men say that a trap was being laid for Jowan and his accomplices because he was trying to escape the tower before he was made tranquil. The news concerned Cullen slightly since Serena and the mage were so close. He wondered if she knew. His stomach turned a somersault when he heard her name as being one of Jowan's coconspirators.

After a few more minutes, he learned that the Knight Commander and the First Enchanter would be waiting at the top of the basement stairs for Jowan to emerge. Cullen tried to be as nonchalant as possible as he hurried from the dining hall and made his way to the first floor. He got there just in time to see Greagoir ordering his men to take an initiate named Lily to Aeonar prison for her involvement in the scheme.

The Knight Commander then turned on Serena. Even though the First Enchanter tried to explain that she had been following_ his_ orders, Greagoir berated her for her collusion. He was just about to announce her punishment, when the strange soldier that Cullen had seen Serena with earlier brushed by him to interrupt the scene.

It turned out that the mysterious dark-haired man was actually a Grey Warden named Duncan. To help Serena avoid punishment, the Warden used his power of conscription to take charge of the young mage. Apparently, Duncan was on his way to Ostagar where the king was holding off battalions of darkspawn. He seemed to believe that it was the beginning of a blight and he told Greagoir that both the army and the Wardens needed all of the soldiers that they could get. The Knight Commander refused to allow it at first, but Duncan reminded him that he had no choice. Wardens were allowed to conscript whomever they wanted by act of the previous king, Maric.

Serena was going away…forever. Cullen tried to tell himself that it was the Maker's will. He saw the temptation she caused, so He was removing it. Even if that were true, it brought the young templar no comfort. No more would he see her roaming the halls or hear her voice. No more would his day be brightened by her smile. There would be no more hope of feeling her touch as she accidently brushed by a little too closely. He instinctively touched the place on his cheek where she had kissed it earlier that morning. There would never be another chance for her lips to caress his skin. His eyes began to burn as he felt the sting of tears trying to form in them. He was lost in his misery when he heard Greagoir call his name.

"Cullen." The Knight Commander ordered angrily. "Escort this mage to her quarters so she can gather some personal items. She is not allowed to take any more than can fit in a pack. Do not let her out of your site until she walks out of the great doors. This is no longer her home so she has no business roaming the corridors alone."

Cullen clapped his fist to his heart and bowed his head sharply. "Yes Knight Commander."

_At least I'll get the chance to say goodbye. _Thought Cullen wearily as he followed Serena to her room.


	3. Chapter 3

Cullen stood just inside the door of Serena's room as she packed her things. He watched every move that she made, trying to commit every inch of her to memory. His mind raced as he tried to come up with something to say. He wondered if he should offer to help. He thought that he should at least tell her that he was sorry about what happened. Instead, he just stood there silently wishing that he could wake up from this bad dream.

It wasn't long before she was swinging her pack across her shoulders and making a final inspection to ensure that nothing that she wanted to take was forgotten. She gave him a weak smile.

"Cullen, I was wondering if you could help me for a moment?"

He rushed over to her a little faster than he intended and hoped that his enthusiasm hadn't been too evident to her. If it was, she did not let it show. Instead she tugged at the straps of her bag.

"Could you help me tighten these?" she asked.

He studied her face for a long moment, drinking in every detail, before replying, "Sure." He glanced down long enough to get his hands positioned in the right spot before looking up and getting lost in her eyes. He didn't shy away from her gaze for even a second as he cinched the pack tighter to her shoulders.

"All done." He whispered, still staring at her with an intense and adoring gaze. He hoped that she could see everything he felt without actually saying the words, how much he worshiped her and how much he would miss her. Her eyes trailed to his lips for just a moment before wrapping her arms around his neck and drawing him in for a long soft kiss. His first instinct was to pull away, but instead he encircled her waist with his muscular arms and squeezed her tighter into his body. The scent of her perfume was intoxicating and the world seemed to stop as he became lost in the feel and taste of her lips. He ran his right hand up her back until it was entangled in her hair.

When she finally backed away from him, her blue eyes were glistening with tears. She kissed him gently on the cheek and whispered, "Goodbye, Cullen. I'll never forget you."

She walked out of the door without waiting for him to follow or answer. He knew that he was supposed to accompany her to the great doors, but he just couldn't do it. His feet were glued to the spot. He leaned against the bedpost next to him to keep his knees from giving way. He held back the tears that threatened to fall, but just barely.

When he gained his composure, he took off at a run to catch up to her, but by the time he finally got to her she was already on her way out the main entrance with Duncan. Cullen watched as the huge double doors were closed shut behind her. His shoulders slumped as he turned to go find his bunk. It was only five in the evening, but he suddenly felt very tired. At least in his dreams he could see her and in his dreams she loved him back and they could be together without any thought given to the Order or the Chantry.

Over the following few weeks, Cullen did his best to stay busy in order to keep his mind off Serena. Inevitably, she would invade his thoughts no matter what he did, the memory of her goodbye kiss playing over and over in his head. He hoped that things would start to get easier, but they didn't. Every day when he woke to the realization that she was really gone, his heart would break anew.

He had gone to the entrance hall on the first floor to see the Knight Commander about a change in the duty roster, when he saw Senior Enchanters Wynne and Uldred walk in through the main door. He knew they had been in Ostagar and found himself straining to see above their heads as he looked for Serena to follow them in. She wasn't with them of course, so he circled to return to his duty upstairs. He stopped in his tracks when Wynne began to relate the news of the battle to Greagoir.

"It was tragic, Greagoir. Just when he was needed most, Teyrn Loghain quit the field. The king and all of the Grey Wardens fell. Uldred and I barely escaped with our lives."

The Knight Commander was visibly shaken by the news. "King Cailan? Dead? This is dire news indeed. What of the other mages?"

"Gone…All of them" Uldred replied. He didn't seem nearly as upset by the events as Wynne was. In fact, he seemed distracted.

Greagoir shook his head. "Well, I'm glad that we only sent seven mages then. It would have been a damned shame if we would have relinquished anymore people to an obvious lost cause."

"Actually, there were eight mages all together. I saw one of our younger ones there with the Grey Wardens." Wynne observed.

The older templar snorted. "Yes, well the last one was taken without my consent. That Warden Duncan conscripted her right out from under my nose. It's nice to hear she got the punishment she deserved after all."

Cullen felt his face turn hot and he wanted nothing more than to punch the Knight Commander in the face. Then the reality of Wynn's words hit him. She said that all of the Wardens fell, which meant that Serena would have been among them. He hurried back to the second floor in hopes that he could talk to Wynne alone to ask her about Serena.

As soon as he saw the older mage walking down the corridor headed to the library, Cullen stepped in front of her. She smiled at him warmly.

"Is there something I can do for you young man?" she asked.

He began to fidget as he spoke. "Um…yes." He stammered, his heart pounding in his chest. "I heard you talking to the Knight Commander about Ostagar. You mentioned that there was a mage with the Wardens."

Wynne's face dropped into a sad, knowing frown. "Yes, I saw Serena. I even spoke to her for a few minutes before the battle. She was with another young Grey Warden, but I didn't see her at all after the battle started."

Uldred, who had overheard their conversation as he was walking by, interrupted. "Yes, I remember seeing that girl. King Cailan assigned her and another Warden…what was his name? I suppose it's not important. Anyhow, he assigned them the duty to light the beacon on the tower. Seeing that it was lit, I would assume that she made it that far."

A glimmer of hope crept into Cullen's heart. "So do you think she…I mean they survived?" he asked.

Wynne's smile was encouraging. "Well, Uldred and I did and Serena has always been a very talented mage. I suppose anything is possible."

Uldred crossed his arms and glared at Cullen suspiciously. "Why does a templar care about one mage anyway?"

Wynne answered for him. "Well, they _are_ around the same age, Uldred and despite what you believe sometimes templars and mages can actually be friendly toward each other. I know that over the years, I have had many templars that I considered friends of a sort, especially ones that I met in my youth."

The bald mage harrumphed in disgust. "I guess it would be easier for female mages to get the jailers to be more lenient. Being a man, I have never been given that type of consideration…well there _was_ that one templar, but we won't go into that."

Wynne shook her head. "Did you ever think that maybe it has more to do with how you talk to people than any ulterior motive they might have?"

Cullen could see that an intense argument was about to start, and he really didn't want to be any part of it. While the two mages continued their discussion, he managed to slip away unnoticed. As he passed the chapel, he decided to stop in so that he could light a candle in prayer for Serena. He prayed that she was safe and well. As he rose from his knees he wondered if the Maker would even listen to a prayer motivated by forbidden love. Cullen knew his sin as well as the Maker did, but hoped that He might grant his request in spite of it.

Another two months passed before Cullen heard the news that Teyrn Loghain had put out a bounty for any remaining Grey Wardens. It was rumored that a female mage and a male warrior had survived the battle and Loghain was seeking them out. Cullen's heart leapt at the news. She was still alive, and even though he knew that he would probably never see her again, at least he could find comfort in the knowledge that she had not perished at Ostagar. He made sure to offer a prayer of thanks to the Maker for sparing her life.

Almost three weeks to the day after receiving the word about Serena, Cullen woke up with a feeling of foreboding. Something was definitely wrong. He felt it in his bones. He had his morning meal and reported to his post as usual. Everything seemed normal, but he knew that there was something very wrong happening.

He took notice of two senior enchanters speaking in hushed tones as they passed by. They entered one of the nearby rooms and he followed closely behind as quietly as he could. Even though he wore heavy plate armor, he had learned to move almost silently in it. It was one of the skills that recruits had to learn before earning their full knighthood in the Order. It was necessary in order to be able to combat conspiracy among mages within the Circle. The ability was also found to be instrumental in capturing apostates.

In listening to their conversation, he learned that Uldred had called a meeting with many of the other senior enchanters, including First Enchanter Irving. The assembly was actually a ruse to get the most powerful mages in the Circle together in one place in order to persuade them to take over the tower. Uldred was prepared to use any means necessary, including the use of blood magic to convince the others to join his cause.

Before the mages finished their discussion, Cullen crept away quietly until he was sure they wouldn't notice him. As soon as he knew that he was out of earshot, he began to quickly make his descent up the tower toward the Harrowing Chamber where the meeting was taking place, grabbing as many of his fellows as he could along the way. He just hoped that they would be able to make it in time to stop Uldred before things went too far.

As soon as they reached the templars' quarters on the fourth floor, Cullen became aware of just how deep Uldred's treachery had run. The floor was strewn with the bodies of dead templars, some slain in the most horrendous ways. Blood and entrails decorated the stone walls and floors. The place looked like something out of a nightmare as they avoided the bloody gooey sacs that had appeared throughout the corridors and rooms. There was little doubt that the décor was the result of blood magic and demons. They made their way to the stairwell that led to the fifth floor and the Chamber. As bad as things had appeared on the rest of the fourth floor, it wasn't until they arrived at the room where the stairs were located that all hell broke loose.


	4. Chapter 4

Two middle-aged mages appeared from around the sides of the steps and began blasting the templars with spells. After dodging and evading their magic, Cullen managed to slice one of the mages in half with his two-handed broadsword but was blasted by a force spell and knocked to the ground immediately after. The second mage made the mistake of closing in on Cullen, who rolled and kicked the enchanter's feet out from under her. It stunned the woman enough for him to drive his blade through her heart causing more blood to splatter his face and uniform.

Uldred's people must have heard the commotion because before Cullen knew it, he was being descended upon by at least a dozen more maleficarum. They used the power of blood magic to finally take him down, but only after he routed half of their numbers. One of the younger mages of the group was just about to take his life, when Uldred intervened.

"No, don't kill this one. He is quite strong and we could use someone like him on our side."

Cullen struggled against the crushing prison spell that had him bound. "What in the bloody hell makes you think that I would ever help you?"

Uldred closed in on him. He released the young templar from the spell that bound him long enough for the older mage to put his fingertips on Cullen's temples. Searing pain shot through his head until he thought that his brain might explode. He screamed in agony as flashes of his memories and thoughts flooded his mind. He tried to lift his arms to remove Uldred's hands, but found that the unbearable pain made him unable to lift them even an inch. Blood began to leak from his ears and he began to lose consciousness. When Uldred finally stepped back, Cullen crumpled to the ground in a heap as the enchanter stood over him laughing maniacally. He bent down and put his mouth to Cullen's bleeding left ear.

"My, my…we have been a naughty boy haven't we?" he hissed. "I…know…your…secret."

Cullen openly wept from not only the pain that Uldred had inflicted upon him but also from his shame.

The corners of Uldred's mouth curled into an evil grin. "Before I'm finished with you, boy, you will be begging me to give you orders." The mage slit both of his wrists and spoke an incantation. Cullen immediately felt cold, white light begin to surround him. Uldred turned his back to him and he lunged forward to attack the mage. Pain wracked his body as his hands tried to pierce the invisible cage that Uldred had conjured. He turned around and put his index finger out to test the size of his magical cell. As soon as he touched it, the icy shock took him to his knees again.

Uldred tsked. "I wouldn't do that too often if I were you. The spell I cast will make death feel like a mercy if you try to push against it too many times. The more you touch the walls, the stronger the shocks will become. But it won't kill you, even if you run at it with full force. It will just make you wish that you were dead. "

The maleficarum then lifted his arms into the air. As he did so, any dead Templars and mages that were still mostly intact began to rise from the floor. The reanimated bodies stood still, awaiting his command.

"You will search the tower and destroy every templar that you see save this one."

Cullen watched in horror as the corpses shuffled out the door, looking for their prey. Uldred then addressed the rest of the maleficarum that were in the room. "Go seek out every mage and apprentice you can find and bring them back to me. They will join our cause or they will die."

The enchanters quickly made their way out the door and down the hallway. Uldred turned his attention back to Cullen and smiled. "As for you, I think that the best way to handle your situation is a visit from an old friend."

He opened another vein in his arm and cried out into the air around him. A demon of desire rose up from the floor and Uldred whispered to it in hushed tones. The abomination glanced at Cullen and smirked coyly as it nodded its understanding. After Uldred returned to the upstairs chamber, it approached his cage and sauntered around it playfully before putting a hand on its hip and licking its lips.

Cullen did not turn away from it, opting to stare into its black eyes defiantly. "I will not fall for your tricks temptress. I want nothing that you offer."

The demon feigned being emotionally wounded. "Oh my, but you are a strong lad. I suppose that there is nothing more I can do than tuck my tail between my legs and move on to my next victim then." It strode away from Cullen and disappeared out the door. He was confused. No demon would give up that easily. It just didn't make sense. He decided to keep his guard up for its return.

A few minutes later, a woman dressed in mage robes and a hood walked into the room. She looked around to make sure that they were alone before she approached him. He was shocked when she threw back the covering and discovered that it was Serena.

"Oh, Cullen." She whispered.

He peered around the room in a panic. "Serena, you have to get out of here. It's dangerous."

She shook her head. "No, I can't. Not without you, my love."

Did she really just call him "my love"? Why would she do that? Something was beginning to feel off about the encounter.

"Why did you return to the tower, Serena?" he asked suspiciously.

"I couldn't stay away any longer." Her voice was pleading and desperate. "I missed you so much Cullen. I just couldn't stand the thought of being away from you another moment."

He backed away narrowing his eyes at her. "But you're a Grey Warden now. Aren't you supposed to be working to end the blight?"

"I don't care about that. I only want you. I want us to run away together and get married. I have thought about nothing but you since we kissed the day I left the tower."

He stepped forward a few paces. She just agreed to give him the one thing that he wanted above everything else. He wanted so badly to be out of the prison that held him captive so he could take her in his arms. He would protect her against everything that came at them while they made their way from the tower. He would keep her safe. And then they would go somewhere quiet away from the prying eyes of the Chantry. They would make a life together and be happy.

As much as he wanted to believe Serena, there was a gnawing in his gut that just wouldn't go away. He decided to ignore it and opted to ask Serena if she knew how to break the spell that he found himself trapped in.

"I'm afraid not." She replied sadly. "But Uldred knows. Maybe if we agree to help him get the Circle under his control he will agree to get you out of there."

Cullen's shoulders and heart sank when he realized that none of it was real. He knew Serena well enough to know that she wouldn't give in to blood magic or demons no matter what the reason. The creature that stood before him was nothing more than the desire demon trying to trick him. He shut his eyes.

"Be gone, demon. I will look upon you no more." He shouted.

He heard the monster's cold, cruel laughter. "Suit yourself, little boy. It only gets more difficult from here. That is actually preferable to me though. I love a good challenge."

He waited and listened but heard no one else in the room so he braved opening one eye to survey his surroundings. The demon was gone and he was all alone. He did the only thing he could in his current situation. He dropped to his knees and began praying.

Cullen wasn't sure how long he was held prisoner within those magical walls. He was denied food and water. He would stay awake as long as possible, but when he slept it was on the cold hard stone floor. The discomfort of his surroundings and the deprivation of necessities were the kindest of the tortures the young templar endured.

The maleficarum would take turns persecuting him. He found out quickly that even though he couldn't get out of the cage, it didn't stop spells from breeching its walls from the outside. Every couple of hours one of the blood mages would come down the stairs and take great delight in using magic that caused him the most excruciating pain which would leave him trembling uncontrollably. As bad as that was, it wasn't even the worst thing that was done to him.

The worst part was the mental abuse he was made to suffer. Between the sessions of pain, he was haunted by visions. Some of them were waking nightmares, but the worst ones were brought on by sleep. Because of the unconscious dreams, Cullen forced himself to stay awake as much as possible. It was a never ending barrage of taunting him with things he wanted but could never have and making his worst fears a reality. And every single one of those illusions involved Serena.

The first hallucination after his encounter with the desire demon played on one of Cullen's fears. He saw Anders lead Serena into the room and watched helplessly as she gave into his sexual depravity, reveling in his every touch. Cullen tried to look away from the scene, but he just couldn't. Then, the blonde mage's touch became rough and unwanted and she screamed and cried for Cullen to save her from Anders' brutality as she was being raped. He watched helplessly as her blue eyes begged him to make Anders stop, until the mage ended it by slitting her throat. She choked and her blood spilled onto the floor as her cold, dead eyes regarded Cullen. He was finally able to close his eyes to make it stop. When he opened them, the room appeared as if none of it had happened.

When Cullen slept, he had dreams of making love to her which in turn would cause her to be captured and killed by the Circle or Chantry. Sometimes he would be the one to murder her for her sin, and she would tell him that she loved him just before he shoved a blade in her belly. When he would wake up screaming, he would either be caused pain by the mages or the cognizant mirages would begin anew. He saw Serena being tortured and killed in every way imaginable. He made love to her over and over again which always ended in some horrific fashion or another. He endured listening to her beg him to run away with her after professing her undying love one minute and then berate him and tell him how much she hated him the next.

Through all of it, Cullen remained steadfast and strong. He would not allow them to break his will or his mind, but each time it became more difficult. He knew that he would rather die than give into the wants of Uldred and his maleficarum followers. He had always heard that mages wielded great power and had to be watched with a keen unforgiving eye, but he never realized how true that was until he was trapped in that prison. He swore to both himself and the Maker that if he ever escaped his captors he would never lose sight of his duty again. He would not allow any mage to hold influence over him for any reason. Mages were inherently evil creatures that must be brought to task because if they were ever given the chance they would turn to demons and forbidden magic to gain control and power.

He had no idea how long he had been there, when he suddenly realized that the visions had stopped and he hadn't seen a mage in what seemed like hours. It was then that he became aware of the horrific noises coming from the Harrowing Chamber above. The sounds of magic sizzling in the air, the growls of unholy creatures, the screams of people being tortured filled the atmosphere around him. He took a knee and began to pray. He didn't think that he would actually survive his situation, so he begged the Maker to end it all soon, not only his life but also the lives of the others that Uldred had captured. He prayed for the souls of the damned who shared his fate. Most of all, he prayed for forgiveness for his sins.

Just when he thought that the maleficarum had given up on trying to turn him, Cullen looked up from his contemplation to see Serena walk into the room once again.


	5. Chapter 5

Serena was dressed more provocatively than he had ever seen her. In all of his previous visions she had never worn anything quite that revealing. It seemed like the mages had left him alone longer this time just to up the ante. She was adorned in the leather armor most favored by the female elven warriors of the Dalish tribes. The tight leather top showed off her ample cleavage and bare midriff. Because of Serena's height, the armor's skirt was much shorter than it would have been on an elf to give a liberal view of her muscular thighs.

He also noticed that where before she had always only been accompanied by his tormentors or Anders, now she was accompanied by three completely different people that he recognized. One of her companions was Senior Enchanter Wynne. Another was a Sister that he had seen in Lothering's Chantry when he accompanied a senior officer to find two female apostates that were rumored to live in the village. Although nothing came of that search and they didn't find any illegal mages, Cullen remembered the Orlesian Sister with the flaming red hair who stood out among the rest. Serena's third escort was someone whom Cullen knew very well, his best friend between the ages of ten and sixteen in fact. They hadn't seen each other in years, but Cullen would have recognized Alistair anywhere.

It didn't matter who he saw with his eyes though, Cullen knew that it was just the desire demon playing tricks with his mind again. He hoped that enough time had passed since his last bout of torture that he could be stronger when facing the monster. When the vision of Serena closed the distance between the doorway and his magical cell, Cullen remained on one knee and addressed the demon before it could even speak.

"I know what you are and it won't work…I will stay strong. I will not fall for your tricks anymore."

She regarded him with narrowed eyes and a soft voice. "Cullen, don't you recognize me?"

This vision seemed so much more real than any of the others. He bowed his head and covered the top of it with his hands enough to shield his eyes from the apparitions. He rocked back and forth on his knee and stared at the stone floor beneath him.

"All too well, as you already know. You have dipped into the farthest reaches of my thoughts and memories to cause me the worst sort of pain. What can you do to me that you haven't already done?"

Cullen heard Wynne's voice. "The boy is exhausted. And this cage…I've never seen anything like it. Rest easy, help is here. We will find a way to release you."

So it was back to that old trick. The demon would promise to help if he gave into Uldred's demands. He wondered if the creature was capable of showing mercy, and if it was he hoped that he could persuade it to show him enough pity to end his life. Maybe that's what this was all about. Maybe it was one final push to persuade him to turn before sending him to the Maker. He decided to try to make an appeal to the abomination to go ahead and finish it quickly.

"Please, I beg you…enough of these visions. If there is anything in you that has an ounce of humanity, please just kill me and stop these games. You broke the others, but I cannot allow myself to be taken. I will not give in…for the sake of my soul, for the sake of those whose lives you ended. "

He hoped that if he just kept talking the visions wouldn't get a chance to speak again. "You have already taken everything from me. You have taken my pride by sifting into my thoughts and tempting me with the one thing I always wanted but could never have. You have used my ill-advised infatuation with her, a mage of all people, to break my heart, allow me to live out my darkest desires and make me realize my deepest fears. There is nothing left of me to take."

He began to sob as he continued. "I am so tired of these cruel jokes…these tricks…these…"

Serena's specter interrupted him, her tone gentle and soothing. "Cullen, please calm down. I don't know what has happened to you, but we can help..."

This time it was the templar's turn to interrupt. This vision seemed so real and his heart wanted so much to believe that she was really there, that anybody was really there to save him from the horrors that were being inflicted upon him. He kept his eyes closed and stood straight. He would will it away just as he had done every other time before.

"Silence! I'll not listen to anything you say. Now Begone!" he boomed. He opened his eyes knowing that the apparitions would no longer be there, but to his shock and horror they remained. He wasn't sure he could take this new development. How could they still be there?

"You're still here? But how? Why? That's always worked before. I close my eyes and the visions go away. They always go away. What kind of game are you playing now, demon?"

Her face was desperate as she tried once again to calm him. "That's because we are real, all of us. We want to help you Cullen. Please, what can I do to make you see the truth of my words?"

_Could it be true? _He thought. It did feel different this time. Maybe she really was standing before him. He couldn't bear the thought of having his hopes dashed again, but at the same time he knew he had nothing left to lose. If it wasn't real, then he would just go back to suffering alone when the abomination finally went away again. It couldn't hurt to ask questions in order to see if it was another trick or not.

"But why have you returned? How did you survive?" he asked. If she wasn't real, he knew that she would say that it was because of him like she had every time before. But instead of Serena answering his question, it was Alistair that spoke.

"We came to the Tower to ask the First Enchanter for his help with something. When we arrived we found out what was going on. The four of us managed to defeat all of the abominations and blood mages on our way up here. Now that we have Uldred and the rest of the maleficarum in one place, it will hopefully make it easier to finish them off."

Cullen breathed a sigh of relief. It was real. They were real. There was only one thing left to do. The chamber had to be cleared of the remaining mages. Uldred and the rest of the mages would finally pay for their treachery. Cullen felt a surge of righteous indignation swell through him.

"Kill Uldred." He spat. "Kill them all for what they have done. They murdered my brothers in arms. Some they turned into monsters and then used the corpses of the rest to hunt down others on the lower floors. I did my best to take the mages responsible down, but they overtook me. I was the only one they kept alive and they caged me like an animal, using every means imaginable to break me."

"I'm so sorry Cullen." Serena whispered. "I can't believe that any mage would be capable of such atrocities."

He chuckled bitterly. "Yes, I felt that way too. Before all of this, part of me thought that we were too hard on your kind. I thought that you should be allowed more freedoms, that you weren't any more dangerous than anyone else." He shook his head. "How wrong I was."

She began to plead with him. "Cullen, please don't say that. Not all mages are evil or do evil things. We're just like everyone else. Some of us are good and some of us are bad. It's human nature that you fear, not the nature of magic."

A contemptuous rage began to well up inside him. "No, we are not the same. Only mages have that much power at their fingertips. Only mages are that susceptible to the infernal whispering of demons."

A blood-curdling scream coming from above interrupted Cullen's rantings. After a brief glance up the stairs, Wynne waved her hand through the air to let both he and Serena know that she wanted them to be silent.

"This is a discussion for another time and place." She demanded. Her voice softened as she addressed Cullen. "Irving and the other mages who fought Uldred, where are they?"

Cullen turned his head toward the door at the top of the stairs. "They are up there. The sounds that have been coming from the Chamber…"

"We must hurry, Serena." Wynne said. "They are in grave danger. I am sure of it."

Cullen shook his head. Why couldn't they see the truth? If they went up there and let anyone live, the demons would be let loose into the rest of the world and cause complete chaos throughout Thedas. They hadn't seen the evil first hand like he had. Somehow, he had to make them see.

"You can't save them." He shouted. "They've been tortured by blood mages whose wicked fingers snake into your mind and corrupt your thoughts, not to mention the horrendous physical pain they can inflict."

Alistair's eyes were full of pity as he looked at the templar. "This isn't like you Cullen. I know that you would never want the blood of innocents on your hands."

"He's suffered pain and anguish like few have had to endure." Wynne offered. "That, along with his lust for revenge, have obviously confused the issue."

A hard, righteous anger had boiled up inside Cullen. Wynne was talking about him as if he weren't even there and speaking of things she knew nothing about. What right did any mage have to say such things about him?

"Do not presume to judge me, mage." He hissed. "I am thinking clearly, perhaps for the first time in my life."

Serena sighed heavily. "What do you propose we do Cullen?"

He was glad that at least one of them was willing to listen to what he had to say. He knew that he had to make her see the gravity of the situation. She had to know that there could be no compromise.

"In order to ensure that this horror is ended, to guarantee that no abominations or blood mages live, you must kill _everyone_ up there."

Serena's eyes scanned the stone floor to her left as she contemplated his words. She gazed up at him sadly. "I'm sorry Cullen, I can't make that decision until I see for myself what's going on."

Cullen's shoulders slumped upon hearing her words. He had failed in his duty once again. He knew by the look on her face that there was nothing more that he could say to make her change her mind.

"Maker turn his gaze upon you." He resolved dejectedly. "I just hope your compassion hasn't doomed us all."

Cullen decided that the only thing more that he could do was pray. He took a knee and closed his eyes. He pleaded with the Maker to open Serena's eyes so that she could see the truth, that she would make the right decision in the end.

Cullen knew the very second that Uldred had perished because he felt the depressive magic around him fade away. He was free of his bonds. At least that was something. He wondered what exactly happened in the Chamber. His question was answered when Serena and her party emerged from the doorway with the First Enchanter limping behind them. Irving looked older than he ever had as he descended the stairs holding his arm across his abdomen. It quickly became obvious that of all of the mages that had been captured, the First Enchanter was the only one who survived the ordeal.

As the rest of them made their way out the door headed to the stairs going down, Cullen decided to follow closely behind so he could keep an eye on Irving. How could the elderly mage be the only one to make it through without being a blood mage or becoming an abomination? Cullen didn't trust the First Enchanter one bit.

When they arrived at the main hall, Irving related the tale of what happened to Knight Commander Greagoir. Even if Serena and her friends didn't see the truth, Cullen was sure that Greagoir would. For the first time since they met, the young templar felt disdain toward Serena as she stood up for the First Enchanter and the Knight Commander sided with her. No one ever listened until it was too late.

After Irving's fate was decided, Serena and the two older men stepped away to have a private conversation that Cullen couldn't make out the details of. The only thing that he knew for sure was that it was a heated debate by the looks on all of their faces. When they had finished their discussion, the Knight Commander approached Cullen and pulled him to the side.

"I have a very important job for you, Ser." He explained in hushed tones. "I promised the Warden that I would send Templars to aid in the battle against the darkspawn, but with everything that has taken place, I can scarcely afford to send a lot of men and leave the Circle vulnerable. So, I came up with a compromise…I will send one Templar with her. I told her that it was because I wanted to do something to help stop the blight. What I really want, however, is to send a templar to keep an eye on her. Because of everything that happened to you, I think some time away from the tower would be good for you. On top of that, your newfound suspicion of mages makes you perfect for this job because I know you won't be too soft on any of them."

Cullen wondered briefly if sending him with Serena would be a good idea. No matter how much he wanted it to be otherwise, he still harbored feelings for the mage. However, because of everything he had suffered through, his faith had been renewed. No longer would he allow himself to be a pawn of mages. He would remain steadfast in the Maker's site and do his duty as he was commanded without question. Without so much as a glance in Serena's direction, Cullen put a fist to his heart and bowed his head sharply before ending the conversation with a resounding, "Yes Knight Commander!"


	6. Chapter 6

Before they even left the Tower, Cullen found out that Serena actually had two reasons to come back. The first was to demand that the mages fulfill their duty to aid the Grey Wardens according to some ancient treaties that they held. The second was to ask the First Enchanter and two of the other mages to accompany her and her party to Redcliffe in order to exorcise a demon that had possessed the Arl's young son. According to Serena, the only way to save the boy was to send a mage into the Fade to fight the demon. This task would either have to be accomplished through the use of lyrium and several mages performing a ritual or through blood magic. Cullen had to reluctantly admit that he was proud of her when he learned that she chose the lesser of two evils. She wasn't allowing any maleficarum to influence her, at least not yet.

It only took him a few minutes to gather the necessities that he would need for traveling. The mages, however, took longer to ready themselves for the trip. It was early afternoon before they were ready to leave the Tower. To make things worse, the ferryman's small boat could only carry four passengers at a time, so he had to make two trips to get them all across the lake. Serena rode with Alistair, Sister Leliana and Wynn, which left Cullen to ride with the First Enchanter and the two other mages. The templar didn't mind it though. He still didn't completely trust himself to be that close to Serena and he didn't trust Irving or the other enchanters with him not to be abominations. The way things worked out allowed Cullen to keep a closer eye on the Circle mages and he was satisfied with that.

By the time they began walking up the steep hill on the other side of Lake Calenhad, it was getting rather late in the day. They walked for about three hours until they found the Grey Wardens' camp. When they arrived, Cullen and the Circle mages were introduced to the rest of Serena's traveling companions. The templar thought that they seemed to be an odd bunch that would more than likely never associate with each other outside of their current situation.

In addition to Alistair, Leliana and Wynn Serena counted a Quinari called Sten, an elf named Zevran, a dwarf named Oghren and an apostate named Morrigan among her friends. Cullen had to fight his nature not to try to take charge of the illegal mage. He was able to resist the temptation by convincing himself that she must have been conscripted by the Wardens, and therefore beyond his jurisdiction.

After Serena announced that they would stay in the camp that night so they could get an early start for Redcliffe in the morning, Cullen found a place to pitch his tent far away from the others but in a position where he could observe everyone and everything. He took note that Morrigan kept completely to herself and even built her own fire and cooked her own meals away from the others. He also noticed that even though Sten shared their fire and their food, he kept silent unless spoken to directly. Zevran put Cullen off right away because his smoothness and flirting reminded the templar too much of Anders. Oghren seemed to be three sheets to the wind, and from what little information Cullen could gather from that first night, it was the dwarf's usual state.

He watched as Wynn, Irving and the other two Circle mages who were gathered near the campfire occupy themselves with deep conversation. They spoke in normal tones so Cullen assumed that they were not conspiring to do anything nefarious. The rest of the company, sans Morrigan were sitting around the fire listening to Leliana regale them with a tale about Ser Aveline. No matter how much he wanted to, Cullen couldn't stop staring at Serena as the red and orange flames reflected off of her dark brown hair. He realized in watching her that even with everything he had suffered at the hands of mages, his deep seated longing for her hadn't been quelled, not even a little bit. He was a man conflicted between his faith and duty and his desire to be with her. All he knew for sure was that his best course of action was to keep her at a distance. The embarrassment of what he had revealed to her while he was caged in the Tower made it a lot easier.

_At least something good came from all that happened. _He thought bitterly.

He was only half listening to the Sister when he spotted something that threatened to tear his heart asunder. He had noticed that Alistair had been sitting uncomfortably close to Serena, but didn't really think much of it until she shifted slightly and he happened to glance down. Alistair was holding her hand. Cullen was concentrating so hard on Serena that he hadn't recognized the love-stricken look in his friend's eyes as Alistair gazed at her adoringly. Even though they hadn't seen each other in over six years, he and Alistair had kept in touch through letters and the templar still considered the man to be his best friend.

Cullen felt bile rise to his throat and thought that he was going to be sick. He swallowed hard as he tried to hold the tears trying to form in his eyes at bay. His best friend was involved with the only woman he had ever loved. Maker, he finally admitted it to himself after trying to fight it all of those years. He loved her. He had from the first moment he touched her hand. He suddenly felt the unrelenting urge to be alone. Actually what he really wanted to do was crawl in the deepest hole he could find and bury himself in it. Out of everything that he had been through and seen, the knowledge of her being with Alistair caused him the most pain. He would rather be back in the Tower being physically tortured than be where he was right then, than to know what he now knew.

He stood and walked into the forest that surrounded the camp. He needed time to gather his thoughts, to fight the urge to tear Alistair apart. It wasn't his friend's fault of course, Cullen knew that, but that knowledge didn't make it any less painful and it didn't quell the rage that was building up inside him. Deep in his heart, the templar knew that it was probably for the best, but on the forefront it hurt like hell.

He walked a bit further into the tree line before stopping in front of a large, ancient oak. He pictured Alistair's face as he let his fist fly putting every ounce of his strength behind it. The bones in his hand gave a sickening crack as his knuckles made contact with the trunk. He didn't feel any pain, however. He was too wrapped up in his fury and anguish to notice. The skin of his hand began to spurt blood all over as he took his anger out on the innocent tree over and over again.

"Cullen?" He heard Serena say quietly from somewhere behind him. Her voice was mired with concern. "Are you okay?"

He turned to look at her, her face bathed in the white glow of magic that she held in her palm. She drew in an uneasy breath at the sight of him, covered in his own blood and his eyes bright red from his heartbroken tears. She examined him carefully, moving the light down his body. She stopped and gasped when she observed his crushed hand before running to his side. She reached down to take hold of his still clenched fist and he pulled away from her. Her face softened to a look of pity as she gingerly took hold of his wrist and lifted his hand to examine it.

"Maker." She breathed sharply. She appeared as if she might cry. "Cullen…what did you do?"

He couldn't manage any words as he stood there reveling in the feeling of her gentle touch on his bare skin. He stared into her eyes helplessly, wishing he could come up with any explanation other than the truth. Instead of waiting for an answer, she closed her eyes then slowly and tenderly covered his fist with her own hand. A warm tingling sensation spread through his bones and muscles as a faint glow appeared between her curved fingers. She was using her magic to heal the damage that he had inflicted upon himself. She bowed her head in concentration as she took a step closer to him. He drew a sharp breath, inhaling the intoxicating scent of her perfume. She was standing near enough to him that he could feel the heat radiating from her body. Every other thought left his mind as he stood basking in her presence. He felt no pain, only an intense yearning to be closer to her.

She stepped back and shook her head before looking up at him with sadness in her eyes. "I'm sorry Cullen, but this is beyond the scope of my knowledge. Wynn is a spirit healer and the only one I know that is almost as talented as Anders when it comes to healing spells. I think that we should go see her, otherwise you might lose function of that hand completely."

He scowled when she mentioned Anders' name, not even trying to hide his contempt for the mage, but nodded his agreement when she suggested having Wynn try to heal him. As a templar, he would not be able to perform his duties if he lost the use of either of his hands. He would have been rendered utterly useless then.

Cullen followed Serena back to the camp. When they reached the clearing he began to realize just how much damage he had actually done to his hand when it started to throb with pain. By the time they got to Wynn, it had become almost unbearable. The older mage was able to make quick work of it though and it wasn't long before the malady was reduced to a dull ache. The enchanter told him that he would probably have a few days of discomfort, but he would be fine and his hand would finish healing quickly.

He was happy that no one, not even Serena, asked what happened. He knew that they all probably assumed that it had something to do with what took place in the Tower and he was happy to have them believe that. The one good thing that came out of it was that everyone in the company gave him a very wide berth. They apparently thought that he had been driven mad, at least temporarily, by the maleficarum that held him captive. He was able to spend the rest of their journey to Redcliffe in contemplative solitude. During the trip, every time his anger would flare up when he saw Serena and Alistair behaving like love-struck teenagers, a twinge in his hand would remind him of what a fool he was being. He held no claim on the mage and he had no right to be angry with her or Alistair for finding happiness with each other.

When they reached Redcliffe after two days of traveling, Cullen became keenly aware of the gravity of the situation. As they passed through the village and watched the surviving townsfolk burning the bodies of the corpses that had attacked them, he was once again reminded of the danger that mages could impose on the world. They had been lucky that Serena and her friends showed up when they did or things could have been much worse. As it was, most of the residents seemed to be in good spirits, thankful for their lives.

The mood in the castle, however, was quite the opposite. It was ominous and somber as soldiers and servants alike went quickly and quietly about their business. When they reached the main hall, they found the arlessa, Isolde, wringing her hands and pacing the floor. As soon as she saw them, a look of grateful relief spread across her face and she immediately called for one of the guards to fetch her son, Connor, and the mage that was keeping watch over him.

Cullen was more than a little surprised to see Jowan enter the room carrying a young boy in his arms. The templar's first instinct was to take the blood mage down. Right at that moment, Jowan represented all of those that had imprisoned him and Cullen wanted nothing more than to make him pay for their crimes. Against his nature, he stood fast and left Jowan alone, at least until Serena had no more use for the mage.

Serena decided to enter the Fade herself in order to rescue the arl's son. Just as she had at her Harrowing, she made quick work of destroying the demon and with the aid of lyrium potions began regaining consciousness within half an hour. When it was all over the arl's brother, Bann Teagan, asked Serena for her opinion on what should be done with Jowan. Cullen knew that the two mages had been best friends since childhood and he expected her to ask for mercy on Jowan's behalf. He was almost floored when she told the nobleman that, although Jowan had aided them in helping Connor, he should still be made to pay for his crimes and that any atonement that he had earned was between him and the Maker.

Cullen found himself awestruck. At that moment he began to think of her as what every mage should strive to be, a paragon of her kind. Her conviction to strive to do what was right in the face of personal loss, restored a little of the faith he had lost in those with the gift. Maybe she had been right. Maybe it _was_ human nature that made mages evil, not their magical abilities.

Even though Connor's mind had been restored, Arl Eamon was still no better. Whatever magic or poison that Jowan had given the man maintained a strong hold over him. The arlessa informed Serena that the soldiers she sent out brought back the name of a scholar in Denerim who might be able to help locate the Urn of Sacred Ashes. Cullen's interests were piqued at the thought of finding and visiting the temple where the remains of the Maker's holy bride had been hidden. Even if he wasn't welcome to go along on any other mission with Serena, he hoped that she would allow him to accompany her on that one. They took their leave from Redcliffe, promising the arlessa that they would do their best to locate the miracle cure for her husband.

Once outside of the city, Cullen followed Serena and the rest of her companions as they headed to Denerim to locate the scholar, Brother Genitivi, while First Enchanter Irving and the two Circle mages he brought with him set off to return to the tower. Cullen still didn't fully trust the elderly mage, but he decided that it was no longer his problem. Greagoir made the decision to allow Irving to go free, so he would be the one who would have to deal with any fallout that occurred as a result.

Two days out of Redcliffe Village, after making camp for the night, Cullen found himself almost ecstatic when Serena informed him that he would be one of the people that she was to take with her on that mission. He managed to keep his countenance even when he spoke to her.

"Thank you, Serena."

"You are very welcome, Cullen." She replied with a smile. "I thought that since you grew up in the Chantry and the fact that you had taken vows to the Maker and all,that you might want to see the temple for yourself."

He was surprised by the fact that she knew that he had been raised in the Chantry. He never told her, of course, he could hardly ever speak to her for more than a few minutes without completely tripping over his words. He had to know how she found out.

"Alistair told me that he met you there when Arl Eamon gave him to the sisters when he was ten. He said that you two were very close, like brothers and that you even joined the Order together."

Cullen's shoulders slumped. He should have known that she found out from Alistair, and not because she cared to pay extra attention to the details of his life. She must have noticed his sudden change in demeanor, because her bright smile quickly turned into a worried frown.

"Did I say something wrong?" she asked.

He shook his head. "No…it's just a little embarrassing when people find out about my lack of parentage."

It wasn't really a lie. He had always been embarrassed about being an orphan and never knowing anything about his parents. He had been teased about it quite often as a boy by the other children he met in the city. She didn't need to know that he was more disappointed by the fact that Alistair had to be the one to tell her about his life. In all the years that he was at the tower, she had never really tried to get to know him. He sighed heavily. Another lie…but this time he was lying to himself. As he thought back through the years, she had actually tried countless times to speak to him, but he always mucked it up with his shyness.

"I'm sorry, Cullen." Her voice was concerned and sincere. "I didn't mean to bring up painful memories. I just thought that since we'll be traveling and working together that we should get to know each other better."

Her gentle kindness made him smile. "Thank you, Serena. I apologize for my reaction." He suddenly realized that he no longer felt nervous around her and the stuttering problem that he always had when speaking to her was gone. He actually almost felt comfortable talking to her.

She beamed at him. She could light up the darkest corner of the Deep Roads with that smile.

"No harm done." She said brightly, obviously trying to lighten the mood. "I've noticed that you've been sitting alone every night…Look, I realize that at the tower you never really…had friends. I mean I never saw you sit with or talk to any of the other Templars." She bit her lip, and scowled. "I'm sorry. That sounded really bad." She rolled her eyes and blew at her bangs in frustration. "What I meant to say is that we're kind of like family…our little merry band of misfits and castoffs. If you are like Morrigan and you sit alone just because you want to, then that's exactly what you should do. But if you're sitting by yourself because you're afraid of not being accepted, then you have nothing to worry about.

You already know Alistair, Wynn and I. We met Leliana in a tavern in Lothering. She has some…unusual ideas about the Maker and she was once a bard in Orlais. We also met Sten in Lothering. He was locked up in a cage just outside of town for murdering a family in cold blood. He doesn't talk much, but he's a good fighter. Zevran was an Antivan Crow who was hired by Teyrn Loghain to kill me, but when he failed he swore to fight at my side in return for my protection from the Crows. And Oghren's an ex-soldier whose wife left him to chase after a legend about an anvil hidden in the Deep Roads. He's crude and constantly drunk, but he's funny and provides some much needed comic relief. So you see, you have nothing to worry about when it comes to your past. The people in this group are the last ones to judge anyone."

Cullen had been told their names when he first arrived to their camp, but he had no idea that they all had such colorful pasts. _Merry band of misfits, indeed._ He wasn't sure that he was ready to accept her invitation that evening, but it gave him something to think about.

"Thank you, Serena. I'll keep that in mind."

She nodded and did a mock curtsy. "You are very welcome, ser."

He watched her hips sway as she walked away from him. He glanced up just in time to see Alistair studying his face. As soon as he met his old friend's eyes he blushed brightly and quickly turned back to his tent.

He decided to skip dinner for the night and focused instead on saying prayers to the Maker. His mind kept wandering as he tried to concentrate on the words of the Chant of Light. His thoughts kept going back to Serena and the fact that he completely blew his chance when he had one. Would he ever have really forsaken his vows to be with her? The answer was a resounding "Yes" which frightened him a bit. After that, he quickly gave up any hope of religious meditation, choosing to try to get some sleep instead. It didn't come easily, however and when he finally drifted off it was into an uneasy slumber filled with dreams that reflected both his shame and regret.


	7. Chapter 7

The following evening when they stopped for the night, Cullen once again placed his tent away from the others. He did join them for supper, however, even though he chose to sit at a bit of a distance. He found himself enjoying Leliana's tale about Andraste, and after she was finished with her story, Oghren and Zevran offered some colorful anecdotes of their own. Cullen laughed in spite of himself at the crude offerings of the elf and the dwarf. Some of the subject matter that they brought up was not proper to speak about in mixed company, but the women of the group didn't seem to mind. These people were definitely not the type that he normally associated with. Not that he really associated with anybody.

Serena had been right. Other than Alistair, Cullen didn't have any friends. He was the type of person who was too afraid of sounding like a fool to ever speak his mind. The other templars back at the tower were men of far more experience than Cullen so he really had nothing to say that would add anything to their conversations. When he first arrived at the tower, he took a lot of good-natured ribbing by the other men. He was left alone after a while because the others realized that he just wasn't going to come out of his shell.

The hour was getting late, so the camp decided that it was time to retire for the evening. Cullen began to stand to go back to his tent when he felt a big hand push him back down.

"You're turn to take first watch tonight, templar." Oghren's gruff voice rang out from behind him. He half circled to look at the dwarf who seemed like he was about to fall over in a drunken stupor. Cullen nodded his understanding, but didn't say anything.

"Hmph! Don't talk much do ya?" Oghren eyed him suspiciously for a moment before a broad grin overtook his bearded face. "Aah, I get it…the strong silent type. He he he. Women love that shit. I'm just not tall enough to pull it off, so I have to rely on my rugged good looks and natural charm to win 'em over. Having a big trouser snake don't hurt none either." He winked, then plopped down on the ground beside Cullen. He leaned into the templar then motioned his head in the direction of Leliana's tent. The Sister was busy going through her pack, obviously in search of something.

"I noticed the red head checkin' ya out during dinner. I think ya might have a good shot with her if ya play yer cards right." Oghren offered. Leliana must have found what she had been looking for because she closed up her pack before throwing it back into her tent. She turned and gave Cullen a coy smile and wave, which caused the templar to blush. He managed a small wave to return her gesture before turning his eyes to the ground in front of him.

Oghren, who had been watching the exchange, shook his head and sighed. "Don't tell me you're another virgin like the other boy. Sod it ta hell! What's wrong with you humans? Don't they teach ya what women are for up here on the surface?"

Zevran appeared on Cullen's other side. "Maybe he's more interested in men, Oghren." The elf offered smarmily in an Antivan accent. "I've heard that about both boys that have been raised in the Chantry and templars in general." Cullen shot Zevran a worried frown. "No?" he asked disappointedly. "More's the pity. I suppose it was too much to hope for that a big handsome man such as yourself would be interested in someone of his own sex…you're loss really though. I have been told that I possess a certain talent when it comes to oral pleasure."

Cullen visibly shivered at the thought. He actually knew some men in the Order who were strictly interested in their own gender, but he was definitely not one of them. He peered up at Zevran, unable to hide his disgust. "Sorry." He managed, even though he wasn't . The elf shrugged and made his way to his own tent for the night. Cullen took a mental note to do his best to avoid the elf after that, at least for a while.

He glanced at Oghren who shrugged. "Don't worry, boy. I don't understand it either. Why any man would wanna do that with another man…I don't get it. But to each his own I always say. Just means more women for old Oghren to play with, eh?"

Cullen didn't really have a problem with it himself, and it wasn't the first time he had been propositioned that way, but he definitely had no interest in other men. It was more the way the elf had gone about it that bothered Cullen the most. Oghren elbowed him hard enough to make him grab his arm and wince. The dwarf pointed out the fact that Serena's tent was shaking.

The dwarf laughed. "If the tent's a rockin' don't go a knockin', eh? He he." Cullen had to push down the sick, angry feeling that was rising within him. Oghren was oblivious as he continued. "Those two go at it like that every single night. It's a good thing that boy's in such good shape, 'cause the boss would wear him out otherwise." Cullen turned his head to avoid looking in the direction of Serena's tent anymore. His eyes met up with Leliana's. The red headed woman had obviously been watching him. Her brow furrowed as she studied his face. He was trying his best to keep the pain he was feeling from showing, but if Leliana's expression was any indication, he was doing a poor job of it. Oghren must have noticed the exchange between them, but took it for something else.

"Yep, give it a few days and the right words and you can be makin' little ginger moan." He lowered his voice into a gravelly whisper. "I can even give ya a few pointers if ya like, son." Cullen smiled and shook his head. In spite of Oghren's drunken crudeness, he actually found himself warming up to the dwarf. In fact, Cullen found the man's obsession with women and booze an almost refreshing change from the stalwartness of the Chantry and the Order.

"No thank you, Oghren."

The dwarf shrugged again. "Suit yerself, but old Oghren's here if ya ever change yer mind."

"Thanks."

Oghren stood and stumbled off into the dark of the forest. Cullen wondered if he shouldn't follow the dwarf to make sure he didn't get lost or pass out in the woods, but before he could make up his mind, Oghren reappeared and fell into his tent. Within seconds, he began snoring loudly, so Cullen knew that he was fine.

The templar took a look around him and saw that he was alone and Serena's tent had stopped moving. It seemed that everyone else had turned in for the night. He moved closer to the fire and began poking at it with a long stick that was left there for that very purpose.

The smoke began to burn his tired eyes so he ceased stoking the fire and glanced back up at Serena's tent to see Alistair crawling out alone wearing only a pair of heavy trousers and a loose shirt instead of his usual chainmail. He watched as his friend pulled on his boots and walk toward him without lacing them.

"Mind if I join you for a few minutes?" he asked. Cullen shook his head and Alistair sat down within a few feet from him. A long awkward silence developed between them as they watched the large flames consume the wood that kept the fire burning. Finally, Alistair turned his attention to Cullen.

"We haven't really spoken since the tower…how are you holding up, Ace?" he asked.

Cullen continued staring into the fire. "I'm fine." he lied.

Alistair picked up a small twig that was lying by his feet and began using it to draw shapes in the dirt in front of him. "You know that if you ever need to talk…you know about what happened…I'm here for you."

"Thanks." Cullen replied. He didn't know what to say to Alistair. He appreciated the fact that his friend was offering to lend an ear, but he couldn't get over the feeling that the former templar was dancing around what he really wanted to say.

Another long, uncomfortable silence filled the air broken only by the crackling and popping of the fire. After what seemed like an eternity, Alistair sighed deeply.

"Look, I don't know any other way to say this, so I'm just going to say it…I heard what you said about Serena when we found you in the tower. As often as we have written each other over the years, you never mentioned her…not once. I had no idea." He drew in a sharp breath before beginning again. "Serena and I…we've been through a lot together over the past couple of months. When this whole thing started, I honestly never expected to fall in love with her. It just kind of happened."

Cullen couldn't look at his friend lest his eyes betray his sadness. He listened silently as Alistair continued. "The point is, I do love her. I have never felt this way about anyone…ever. You're my best friend, Cullen and I know you have feelings for her…but I just can't give her up. I'm sorry and I hope you and I can still be friends."

Cullen's eyes glazed over as he stared out into nothingness. He recalled the first time he met Alistair. The boy was angry because he had been dumped at the Chantry, far away from the only life he had ever known. Cullen knew what it felt like to be that alone and unwanted. He made himself break through his usual shyness to offer to give Alistair a tour of the Chantry. At first the boy was reluctant, but apparently decided that he had nothing better to do so he let Cullen lead him around for the next hour. Just as Cullen was wrapping up his explanation of the Revered Mother's rules on staying out of the kitchen larders, the two of them were approached by an older much bigger boy who immediately fell into the time honored tradition of punching Cullen in the ribs as he passed by. The heavy blow dropped Cullen to the floor almost immediately.

Alistair's face grew red with rage and he jumped on the older child's back and began to pummel him. By the time the kitchen servants pulled him off, the other boy was bruised everywhere and bleeding from every orifice of his face.

Cullen remembered Alistair's words like it happened yesterday. _"Bloody bully. Maybe now he'll learn not to pick on people who are smaller than him."_

He managed to help Cullen off of the floor before one of the older Sisters grabbed them both by the ear and dragged them to the Revered Mother to be punished. They ended up scouring pots after every meal for the next week, a chore which they both became very accustomed to over the years they spent at the Chantry together. Cullen figured out rather quickly that Alistair was a bit of a troublemaker. Alistair would play pranks on the sisters or tell wild falsehoods and off he would go back the scullery to atone for his transgressions. Cullen was almost always sent as well, but only because the sisters considered him guilty by association.

Now Cullen was faced with the possibility of losing the only friend he ever had. No matter how much he cared about Serena, he just couldn't let go of that friendship. He would just have to learn to live with the fact that they were together and that she was in love with his best friend and not him. He had his opportunity to be with her, and he let it pass by. That was not Alistair's fault.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Alistair begin to rise to his feet. "Wait." He said quietly. Alistair stopped and settled back down to listen. Cullen sighed heavily as he finally managed to look the other man in the eye.

"You are my best friend, Alistair. I could never begrudge you for wanting to be happy. The fact is that I am first and foremost a templar, and you know that's all I ever wanted to be. No matter how I felt about her, I could never be with her. I couldn't think of anyone who would be better for her than you. She's a very special woman and you're a very lucky man."

Alistair smiled. "Don't I know it…Thanks for understanding, Ace."

Cullen only had one favor to ask of his friend. He hesitated a bit as he searched for the right words to say. "Can I make one request?" he asked. Alistair nodded warily. "Would it be okay with you if I was Serena's friend as well?"

The Warden chuckled and slapped the templar on the back. "Of course it's okay. You should have known that you didn't even need to ask that."

"I just wasn't sure how you'd feel about it, given the circumstances."

Alistair raised an eyebrow. "Wait…you're not planning to try and steal her away from me are you? 'Cause if you are go ahead and tell me now so I can start searching for the hole I'm going to bury you in."

Cullen managed a smile. He had forgotten how much he missed Alistair's brand of humor. "Of course not, and if I ever try, you have my solemn vow that I'll dig the hole myself."

"Deal!" said Alistair as he offered his knuckles to his friend. Cullen bumped his fist against Alistair's to seal the pact. The two men spent the rest of Cullen's watch catching up and reminiscing about the past. It wasn't until Sten got up to take over for Cullen that they finally went to bed.

After that night, Cullen began to open up more, not only to Alistair and Serena but to the rest of the group as well. He even tried to talk to Morrigan a few times, but she quickly dismissed him. Alistair told him that it wasn't a big loss considering that she was the biggest bitch in Thedas.

Cullen's biggest problem was the fact that every day he found himself falling for Serena even harder. The closer they became as friends and the more he got to know her, the more he grew to love her. He tried to put his feelings aside. He even tried to make himself warm to Leliana's advances, but he just couldn't do it. His heart belonged to one woman and there was nothing he could do to change it.

He finally resolved to do what he had always done which was to think of her as unattainable and love her from a distance. Some days, that was more difficult than others because there were times when he could have sworn that she looked at him with more than friendship in her eyes. The most notable example happened the day that they arrived in Denerim.

That day in the city had definitely been a trying one. On the way to see the scholar, Alistair asked Serena if they could stop by an address near the alienage so he could meet his sister, Goldanna. Serena agreed and even went into Goldanna's house with him. It turned out that Alistair's sister was a greedy bitch who didn't want anything to do with Alistair unless he promised to provide for her and her children "in the manner they deserved" as she put it. She knew of Alistair's royal parentage and blamed both him and his father, King Maric, for her mother's death. The bastard prince learned a hard lesson about human nature that day, but Serena managed to get him through it.

Their next stop, of course, was Brother Genitivi's house. When they arrived they were greeted by the scholar's apprentice, but something seemed off about the man. In the end they discovered that the man was an imposter who had murdered the Brother's real apprentice and hidden the body in the back bedroom. Fortunately, Genitivi had left enough of his research behind for them to be able to find him. According to his papers, he had discovered that the Urn was located in a small uncharted village called Haven and he even left a map pinpointing the location of the town.

Before they left the city to go back to their camp that afternoon, Serena decided that Cullen needed new armor. She said that the heavy plate bearing the templar crest that he wore made Morrigan jumpy. She bought him another set of heavy plate armor that did not betray his background, and made him appear to be just another warrior. When he tried it on in the shop to make sure it fit correctly, he noticed that Serena was admiring his form with more than just platonic interest. Cullen tried to tell himself that it was just his imagination, but in the end there was no mistaking the look of lust in her eyes as he was making sure that he could move properly in the attire. For the rest of the day and evening, he kept catching her staring at him when Alistair wasn't paying attention.

Over the next few weeks, they made their way to the small, relatively unknown village in western Ferelden, Other than a few run-ins with bandits and highwaymen, the trip was relatively uneventful which gave Cullen and Serena ample time to form a much closer bond. Her sense of humor and gentle mannerisms made her easy to talk to, which made Cullen wonder why he had wasted so many years being afraid of having conversations with her. At first, he thought that Alistair might have a problem with their growing friendship, but his friend never showed any signs that he minded in the least. Even though the mission they were on was one of grave importance, Cullen found that he had never enjoyed life more. Unfortunately, reality always had a way of rearing its ugly head, which became very apparent when they reached Haven.


	8. Chapter 8

High in the Frostback Mountains, south of Orzammar, they located the small village of Haven. It was almost nightfall by the time they came to the mountain path that led to the hamlet, so they decided to all head into town so they could stay at an inn instead of camping in the mountains for the night. After they trekked up the steep, winding overgrown path leading to the village they were greeted at the top by a guard.

"What are you doing in Haven?" the man asked with a gruff voice. "There's nothing for you here."

"Wow." Quipped Alistair sardonically. "Such a warm and inviting place. I think I'll take up residence here."

The guard actually growled at Alistair which made the prince take a step back. "Somebody else raised by dogs." He mumbled. The strange man sneered at Serena. "I suggest you and your friends be on your way."

Serena tried to reason with the man. "I know it's late messere, but it's a long way back down the mountain. We were hoping to find a bed and a meal for the night and be back on our way in the morning after we find out about a friend who passed through here."

The guard shook his head. "Nobody's come through here that don't belong here. We don't take to lowlanders in Haven and we ain't got no inns for outsiders to stay."

Something about the man and the place in general just didn't feel right. It felt as if he was trying to hide something. Serena wasn't backing down so easily, however. She was obviously determined to get into the village one way or another.

She sighed heavily, a little too heavily. Cullen knew that she was emoting for the guard's sake. "Well then," she said with mock disappointment, "I suppose that there's nothing we can do but go back down that long trail in the dark…" she studied the guard's unchanging stature. She was obviously not going to evoke any sympathy from the man, so she changed her approach. She pointed to Cullen. "My friend here is a templar working with the Grey Wardens under order of the Chantry. He needs to restock his lyrium supply because he's running low and won't have enough to make it to the next town. We need to see your Revered Mother to obtain more."

The man crossed his arms. "Don't have one." He said flatly.

Serena was confused. "You don't have a Chantry?"

"A Revered Mother."

It was Alistair's turn to question the guard. "Did something happen to her?" he asked.

"Nope, never had one." The man replied. "We have a Revered Father."

"A Revered Father?" Serena asked with surprise. "I've never heard of such a thing."

"Always been that way in Haven." The man answered as if that was explanation enough.

Serena was silent for a few moments, lost in contemplation. She turned and glanced at the trail behind her. "Okay then, can we at least restock our supplies in your town. We are running low on food and water."

The guard gave a sharp nod. "Fine. You may trade for supplies at the shop if you wish. Then you and your companions need to leave." It was obvious that the man's words were a warning to the group. As soon as they stepped past the guard and into the village, Cullen knew that trouble was brewing. He could feel it in the air like a depressive rain coming down on their heads.

The guard turned his back on them and no one else seemed to be about in that part of the village. Serena asked Zevran, Cullen and Alistair to come with her in order to do a little snooping and told the rest to stay near the entrance to keep watch. In that part of the town, there were only a couple of small houses and one slightly larger one with the remnants of a garden. Serena found the first three houses' doors locked up tight which begged the question of why anyone would need to lock their doors in such a small, remote place. The fourth house was unlocked and after a quick peek inside to make sure nobody was home, Serena quietly entered followed closely by the three men.

At first glance, the place looked like a normal home, but the smell of decay was bad enough that they all had to cover their mouths and noses. As they were getting ready to leave, Alistair noticed a strange piece of furniture along the far wall that was covered in red. Upon closer inspection, they realized that the red substance was blood.

"Well," Alistair said nervously. "It looks like somebody enjoys their meat. By the looks of all of this blood, I'd wager that this house belongs to the village butcher."

Zevran shook his head with a concerned frown on his face. He ran his finger through the blood and sniffed it then immediately turned his head with a sickened grimace. "That is not animal blood, my friend…It is most definitely human."

Alistair seemed bewildered by the elf's words. "But why would there be human blood… all…over…" The visible wheels that had been turning suddenly clicked. "Oh, my…I, uh, I think we should get the hell out of here...NOW!"

All four of them turned at the same time and began to make a hasty retreat toward the door. Alistair pushed the other two men out of his way and grabbed Serena by the arm to drag her along with him. Cullen pushed a table over and Zevran tripped over a chair in his urgency to reach the outside which caused him to go sailing across the room and land on the floor with a hard thud.

When they emerged from the house, Leliana must have noticed their pale, panic-stricken faces because she ran to them to see what happened.

"What is wrong? What happened in there?"

Alistair was still trying to catch his breath. "We. Need. To. Leave." He managed through gasps.

Serena, who was standing at his side, shook her head furiously. "No. We need to find Brother Genitivi, now more than ever. He's here somewhere and from what we just saw, he's obviously in danger."

Leliana looked terrified as she addressed Cullen. "What did you see? What happened?"

The templar put his hand on the red-head's shoulder. "Trust me, you don't want to know. Suffice it to say, Serena's right. We need to find the scholar quickly so we can leave this place. These people are dangerous."

The former Sister nodded her head in understanding. Serena took the lead as usual, gathering the others who had been waiting outside and began making her way up the small hill toward the main part of the village. The town's lone shop was located right off the main path and they all entered together because Serena didn't want to take the chance of the party becoming permanently separated.

The shopkeeper was a quiet man who didn't seem to be interested in trading with outsiders. When Serena asked to see his wares, he gave her his list of merchandise reluctantly. While the mage was bartering with the merchant, Zevran took it upon himself to snoop around the shop. When he came upon a locked door, his curiosity got the better of him. After a quick glimpse to make sure that the merchant was distracted, the elf began to use his tools to pick the lock. He made quick work of it and it was only seconds before the door opened with a resounding _click._

The shopkeep pointed in the direction of the door with an angry look on his face. "Hey, what are you doing over there? Stay away from that door."

Serena eyed him suspiciously. "Why? Are you hiding something back there?"

"That's private property that is." yelled the man. "You got no business going in there."

Serena opened her mouth to continue questioning the man, when Oghren approached him from the side.

"Sod it." He growled before hitting the man upside the head with the side of his big battle axe. Serena gave him a _What did you do that for?_ look, and the dwarf casually shrugged his shoulders. "Thought I'd make him more cooperative."

Cullen didn't want to waste time listening to Serena dressing down the dwarf, so he quietly slipped into the formerly locked room with Zevran trailing close behind. Tucked in the dark corner on the opposite side of the room, the two men discovered the bodies of three soldiers bearing Redcliffe's colors. The corpses had obviously been there for a while because the smell was bad enough to make Cullen have to turn his head and vomit. He was slightly embarrassed by his reaction when he heard the others from their party stop behind him, but felt a great sense of relief when he turned and saw that Zevran was still throwing up.

All of them left the room quickly after that. They realized the shopkeeper had regained consciousness when he suddenly drove a dagger into Sten's side as the Qunari was walking out of the room. Instead of doubling over from his injury, Sten grabbed the much smaller man by the throat, lifted him high in the air and snapped his neck like a twig between his large fingers. He tried to refuse Wynn's offer to heal the wound, but the older mage guilted him into allowing her to do it in the end. When Wynn was finished, Serena looked at each of her friends in turn.

"The most important thing right at the moment is to find Brother Genitivi. The probability of him still being alive is pretty low, given what we've witnessed so far, but we still need to try. Anybody have any ideas where we should look first?"

"The Chantry." Cullen offered. "If the Brother was looking for clues about Andraste's ashes, that would probably be the first place he would go."

"Yes, that's an excellent point." Leliana said as she looked up at him admiringly which made Cullen blush. No matter how much Cullen tried to avoid her advances, she made it perfectly clear that she wasn't ready to give up anytime soon. He glanced at Serena and noticed that she was staring daggers at the red-head. When she saw Cullen looking at her she quickly cast her eyes to the floor. A glimmer of hope tugged at his heart, but he quickly dismissed it. She belonged to his best friend which made her out of his reach.

Everyone agreed that they should search the Chantry first so they gathered the supplies they needed from the shop and went out the door. When they stepped back out into the now darkened village, they were greeted by several angry residents wielding weapons. Without a word, the villagers began attacking them from every angle. Alistair took off toward the bulk of the horde brandishing sword and shield with Sten and Oghren following close behind, routing crazed villagers as they went. Zevran went the opposite direction, backstabbing people with his dual blades. Wynn ducked into a sheltered space between buildings and began casting protective and healing spells. With cat-like grace, Leliana jumped up on the roof of the shop they had just evacuated and began picking off stragglers with flaming arrows from her longbow. Morrigan threw ice and lightning spells intermittently at anyone who dared come near her while Serena added flames to the fray. Cullen decided to stay at Serena's side after a tall woman with a dagger ran full force at the mage's back. When he saw the woman, Cullen instinctively swung his greatsword, lopping off her head in one smooth fluid motion. He then circled Serena's position, taking out anyone who threatened to come near.

The entire party worked together like a well-oiled machine. In no time at all they were standing victorious in the center of Haven, bodies of the villagers strewn about them amidst the leftover flames from Serena's magic and Leliana's arrows. The night air surrounding them was eerily still and quiet. Serena turned her head slightly, listening to the wind as it whipped through her dark brown hair. She must have heard something because she circled to face the nearby hill and began ascending its grade. The others followed closely behind, brandishing their weapons and keeping sharp ears and eyes about them.

Near the top of the incline, Cullen heard the snap of a twig in the darkness next to him and thrust his sword out, burying half the blade into a man dressed in cleric's robes. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted another Chantry Brother and brought his leg around, planting his foot square in the man's gut. Blades, arrows and sparks of magic began to fly anew as waves of holy men descended upon them. The nine of them formed a tight circle with their backs toward each other in order to prevent being flanked from behind. There seemed to be a never ending supply of enemies attacking them from every angle. Fortunately for the companions, they seemed to go down relatively easy, but the sheer number of them threatened to overtake the party members.

"This is getting ridiculous." Serena shouted over the din of the battle. She addressed Cullen and Alistair who were at her sides. "I need a couple of minutes to cast without interruption. I'm going to move to the middle of the circle and I want the two of you to close the gap."

Without waiting for an answer, Serena backed up and the two men moved closer together in order to fill the void left by the mage's absence. Serena began chanting and waving her arms in the air. A circle of fire began to form around the group, and then began to grow larger. Wynn must have recognized Serena's spell because she started casting a protective ward on herself and her companions. What started out as a small ring of fire quickly grew into a large wall of angry bright orange and red flames. Their attackers began to scream in agony as the fire licked and charred their bodies. Serena's inferno spell made quick work of the remainder of their assailants, leaving only the nine of them and the smell of smoke and burning flesh in the surrounding air.

While Cullen and Wynn were well aware of Serena's capabilities, the other members of the group seemed awestruck. Even Morrigan was impressed by the young mage's abilities.

"I was not aware that Circle mages commanded such power." said the surprised witch. "You must teach me that spell someday."

Serena smiled and nodded, obviously happy that she actually gained Morrigan's approval on something.

"Yes," Alistair drawled. "Give the wicked bitch of the wilds even more power because she wouldn't possibly use it for anything evil. What a great idea."

Serena shot him an icy glare before turning her attention toward the large building standing just yards away. "That must be the Chantry." She said with more than a hint of annoyance in her voice, before walking toward it.

"Did I say something wrong?" Alistair asked, clearly aware that he had upset his lover. Serena chose to ignore him as she continued down the path and he hurried to catch up to her. Cullen, unable to contain the smile that had spread across his face, covered his mouth with his hand. He knew that it was wrong for him to find pleasure in the fact that the happy couple was fighting, but he just couldn't help it. Not that he disagreed with Alistair, he was just smart enough not to voice his opinion on the subject since Serena obviously held a tremendous amount of respect for the apostate.

When they reached the Chantry doors, Morrigan, Sten, and Oghren agreed to stay outside and stand guard just in case their group was ambushed again. When the rest of them stepped inside, they were greeted by the sight of a bearded man giving a sermon to several people standing around him. He was going on about being blessed guardians and rewards. Cullen only heard bits and pieces because the whole of Chantry and the village were blasphemers as far as he was concerned. He felt as if the whole blasted place was a mockery of his faith, the only thing he held in higher regard than Serena.

Six strangers walking down the long aisle caused the man to break his concentration and acknowledge their presence. His words were welcoming, his tone sarcastic and his face murderous.

"Aah, visitors…I heard that we had guests wandering around our fair hamlet. How are you enjoying your stay so far?"

Serena's face was just as murderous as the Father's. His people had put her friends' lives at risk and that was something she didn't take lightly. "Cut the crap, priest! Where's Genitivi?"

The bearded man addressed his flock once more. "You see? This is what happens when we let outsiders into our village. They have no respect for our privacy." He tsked. "And a woman of all things." He winced slightly as he took in each of the party members. He then trained his focus on Cullen and Alistair.

"You men!" he shouted. "Do you not have any self-respect? How can you let a woman lead you around like you are on some sort of leash? Men are meant to rule women, not the other way around."

Before Serena could blast him and before he could stop himself, Cullen punched the man right between his eyes, causing him to fly across the room and crash into the podium at his rear. Blood began pouring from his nose, staining his moustache and long beard red. The big templar shook his fist twice in order to shake away the slight sting the blow caused before being attacked from the rear by a small man who jumped on his back and began striking blows to his head. Cullen reached up with both hands and flipped the man over his shoulders. After his assailant hit the floor, Cullen landed his boot into the man's chest knocking what was left of the air out of his lungs.

Instead of going after the entire party, the rest of the cultists started going after Cullen and screaming things like, "Kill the blasphemer!" and "To the void with him!" Before the others could react, Cullen swung his sword in a wide arc, sending three of them into the void at once with a mighty spray of blood which splattered everyone within six feet. His movements almost looked like a dance as he crossed the floor, the hand of righteous vengeance. His companions were all frozen on the spot, hypnotized by the fluidity of his motions and the ease in which the large man routed the heretics.

When the last man was cleaved in two by his greatsword, Cullen stood amid the corpses panting heavily from not only the exertion but sheer rage. No one dared to even draw breath for a long moment until Zevran broke the silence.

"I think that I am in need of a cold bath now."

"Mmm hmmm." Leliana agreed with a lusty grin.

Cullen blushed furiously and dropped his eyes to the floor as he moved to join the others. They heard a moan from the direction of the pulpit and turned to see the Revered Father trying to pick himself up from the floor.

Alistair, who couldn't help but notice the love-stricken look on Serena's face, decided that he was not going to be completely outdone by his friend. He stomped over to the priest and brought his boot down on the man's chest so hard that a foul cracking sound filled the silence of the building. The prince leaned forward and rested his arm lazily across his bent leg.

He addressed the man below his foot with a bored expression. "Brother Genitivi…start talking…now."


	9. Chapter 9

"You will not get away with this." The man choked through the rivulets of blood that had begun to seep from his mouth. "Andraste will bring her wrath down upon all of your heads."

Alistair then took his foot from the man's chest and landed it hard across the side of his face…a little too hard he realized when he heard the Father's neck crack.

"Way to go, Alistair." Serena said with irritation. "How are we supposed to find the scholar now?"

Leliana who had been searching the shelves of books along one of the walls during the prince's interrogation, tugged at an unlit torch and grinned brightly. A panel in the wall next to it popped open revealing a hidden room. They heard a low groan coming from the other side.

"Maybe we should look in here." She said proudly before disappearing into the annex. The rest of them followed to find a small balding man lying in the middle of the floor. Serena stood over him and he looked up at her with tired eyes.

"So they sent you to finish me off, have they?" he asked, resolved to his fate.

"Brother Genitivi?" the young mage asked.

With great effort the scholar rolled to his side and propped himself up onto his right forearm and elbow, wincing from the strain. "You're not one of them are you?" he asked rhetorically. "I can't tell you how glad I am to see anyone who's not one of those insane villagers."

Wynn gasped when she noticed his mangled leg which was bleeding and twisted in an unnatural angle. "You poor man…please allow me to heal you."

He groaned again and looked up at the older mage appreciatively. "I would be grateful for anything you can do, m'lady. The leg…it's not doing so well."

"I can see that." Wynn said as she bent down and got to work on the man's injured limb. After a considerable amount of time and no small amount of pain because the mage had to reset the broken bone, Brother Genitivi sat up and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you." He smiled at Wynn. Cullen thought he noticed a small glint of attraction in the scholar's eyes as he looked at her. He also realized that the feeling was mutual between the two when Wynn returned his smile and said a quiet "You are most welcome."

With Alistair's aid, the man stood and dusted himself off. "I assume you have sought me out because of my research on the Urn."

"Yes," replied Alistair. "We need the ashes to heal Arl Eamon of Redcliff. He is gravely ill and we think that the ashes may be his only hope of survival."

Genitivi nodded grimly before peering around the room cautiously. "We need to be away from this place quickly before others arrive."

"I'm pretty sure that we took care of all of the people in the village, including all of the Chantry Brothers." Alistair assured him.

The scholar crossed his arms and harrumphed bitterly. "Nonsense. There's plenty more where they came from, trust me. The ruined temple farther up the mountain's full of reavers."

Cullen let out a low whistle. "Maker help us…reavers…" he whispered. When the others stared at him questioningly, he explained why it was a matter of concern. "Reavers are a bit like maleficarum without magic. They have the ability to use any lingering life-force from corpses within a certain radius to heal themselves. They are also capable of frightening opponents into complete inaction, and to top it all off, they use their own pain to cause more damage to their enemies. It is said that they acquire their unique abilities from the memories of the Wyvern, but because of the sort of necromancy that they are capable of, the Chantry's official position is that they draw their power from demons."

Zevran nodded. "Yes, I have dealt with these reavers before. They are very powerful and very hard to take down. Even our strong templar here would have a difficult time besting their kind."

Serena, apparently attempting to keep their minds from the impending danger, changed the subject. "So you have been to the temple then?" she asked the scholar.

"I've been to the temple's entrance, so I know how to get in, but they always kept me waiting outside with a couple of guards" he replied. "Plenty of those crazy bastards coming out of the place though."

"So do you feel up to accompanying us, at least long enough to get us in the door?" Serena asked.

The old scholar crossed his arms to his chest. "Little girl, I'd like to see you try to keep me out. I don't care if I have to ride up the hill on the back of a dying mabari, I'm going to that temple with you."

With that, the matter was settled. Genitivi informed them that they had to find a certain amulet to be able to enter, which they located on a chain around the Revered Father's neck. Serena decided to leave Morrigan, Zevran and Oghren behind in the village. Once they reached the temple and were safely inside its ancient walls, Wynn announced that she was staying with Genitivi to aid him in his research of the runes in the great hall. That left Cullen, Leliana, Sten and Alistair to accompany Serena.

They found the ruins to be chocked full of long corridors, antechambers and reavers…lots of reavers. It seemed as if the further into the ruins that they went the more insane the reavers became. After what seemed like hours and finding the need to double back to find a different path several times, they finally found a useable door leading into a series of underground tunnels.

The caverns in the mountains twisted and turned and it seemed like every path lead to a dead end. They quickly discovered that some of those dead ends were more dangerous than others when they came across several drakes and dragonlings in addition to several more reavers and cultists. They also came to the conclusion that the cultists from the village and the ones in the temple were much more than simple followers of Andraste when they found all of the signs pointing to dragon breeding and worship.

By the time they came to the end of the final pathway, Cullen's mood had grown from foul to lethal. He had seen more heresy and desecration of the Maker's word and Andraste's holy name in that abhorrent temple than he ever had anywhere in his life. Even the events in the tower paled in comparison to the evil he found himself surrounded by at that moment. They had finally spotted natural light up ahead of them on the other side of a large open expanse when several men appeared from behind rocks. The five of them prepared to fight but the group's leader, a stern looking man of average height and build dressed in heavy chain, held up a hand to his men to tell them not to attack.

The man introduced himself as Father Kolgrim and demanded to know why they were there. Serena informed him of their mission, and he proceeded to tell her that it was a fool's errand. When he started talking about how Andraste had risen and taken the form of a dragon, it was more than Cullen could take. He walked forward and pushed Serena behind him, staring furiously in the other man's eyes. Without looking away for even an instant and without a word, the templar raised both arms above his shoulders and curled both hands around the hilt of his sword. The world seemed to slow to a crawl as Cullen pulled his blade from its sheath and lifted it high above his head. By the time Kolgrim had recognized what was happening and his eyes went wide with fear, Cullen's arms had already begun their descent. A slight whistle could be heard as the sword's metal cut through the air and landed in the middle of the heretical leader's skull. The blade didn't hesitate for a second as it cut through bone and muscle like it was warm butter and it made its way down the middle of the man's body, a geyser of hot thick blood filling the air around them. When it finally cut through Kolgirm's groin, the man's body split in half and fell to the floor, the shocked expression still on his face.

The battle raged in earnest after that. The remaining men were much harder to take down without the element of surprise that Cullen took their leader with. They were also much more powerful than any of the other reavers and cultists that Serena and her companions had fought thus far. In the end, the five of them managed to take the faux Andrastians down to the last man, but it was a hard won victory.

The natural light that they had seen before came from an opening that lead out to the mountaintop. They stood at the mouth of the cave looking out onto the horizon and spied a white stone building at the end of the long path that lay out ahead of them. Cullen assumed that the structure was the final resting place of the prophet and where the ashes were located. The companions made their way down the path and across a large bridge which overlooked a small chasm that almost seemed to have been carved into the peak. When they reached the building at the end, Sten stopped in his tracks.

"I apologize Warden, but I cannot join you on this quest." His voice held no sense of emotion, as usual.

Serena was a bit confused. Sten had never refused to do any job that she had asked of him.

"Why not Sten?"

"Because this place, this mission is all about your religion is it not?"

"Yes."

"Then I cannot join you. Your religion is not my own. I will remain here until you have finished."

Serena shook her head. She decided that it was best not to argue with the Qunari after he had so readily made up his mind. "If that is what you wish, Sten then I won't push the issue."

Sten crossed his arms and turned his back to look out toward the temple ruins, and Serena circled around and headed into the structure that was behind her. The entrance hall was filled with stone pillars which held up the heavy roof, but otherwise empty save a few statues that littered the walls. Opposite from the entryway there was a great wide wooden door and next to it stood a figure dressed in ancient armor. When they approached the door, the apparition addressed Serena.

"I bid you welcome, pilgrim." It said in an eerie, otherworldly voice. "You have come to honor Andraste, and you shall, if you prove yourself worthy."

"And how do we prove ourselves worthy, spirit?" Serena asked.

"It is not my place to decide your worthiness." replied the ghost. "The Gauntlet does that. If you are found worthy, you will see the Urn and you will be allowed to take a pinch of the ashes for yourself. If not…"

"Then let us pass so we may begin our test, spirit." the young mage demanded.

The specter bowed his head slightly. "Of course…but before you go I have some questions of a rather personal nature for you and your followers."

Leliana held her head high. "I have nothing to hide. Ask away spirit."

The apparition obliged the rogue and addressed his first questions to her. "Why do you say the Maker speaks to you, when all know that the Maker has left? He spoke only to Andraste. Do you believe yourself Her equal?"

Leliana appeared shocked at the question. "I never said that. I…"

The spirit interrupted. "In Orlais, you were someone. In Lothering, you feared you would lose yourself, become a drab sister and disappear. When your brothers and sisters of the cloister criticized you, you were hurt but also reveled in it. It made you special. You enjoyed the attention, even if it was negative."

Leliana, her eyes glistening with tears, tried to deny the specter's words. "You're saying that I made it up for…for the attention? I did not. I know what I believe."

"Deny all you want." he proclaimed, "The truth of it lies between you and the Maker."

Leliana looked down at her feet, her face red with her embarrassment. She mumbled something incoherent before the spirit turned his gaze on Alistair.

"Alistair Theirin, Knight…Warden…Prince. You wonder if things would have been different if you were with Duncan on the battlefield. You could have shielded him from the killing blow. You wonder, don't you, if you should have died and not him?"

Alistair's face was haunted by the ghosts of all of the lost Wardens, most especially Duncan. "I…" he hung his head, "yes, if Duncan had been saved and not me, everything would be better. If I'd just had the chance, maybe…"

"And why would it have been better if you had been the one to perish?" the apparition interrupted. "Is it because you feel that Duncan's life was worth more than your own? Or is it because you fear the future that has been laid out before you? A future you have no choice in. A future that requires you to take responsibility for not only yourself but for an entire nation. A future that requires you to give up everything you want to be the leader that you never wanted to be."

Alistair sighed loudly before the spirit turned his attention to Serena. "And you, mage…I see that the path that led you here has not been an easy one. There is suffering in your past…your suffering and the suffering of others. You betrayed Jowan to Irving. He was almost killed, and he lost the one thing that mattered…Lily. Jowan trusted you. And then later, when you had a chance to make amends for that betrayal, you offered his life to Bann Teagan even after he tried to atone for his sins by helping to save the arl's young son. Do you not regret that decision? Do you take any responsibility for his death?"

Serena didn't falter one bit when she answered the ghost. "No, I do not. Jowan's choices were his own. I did only what I knew to be right and I do not regret my decisions."

The specter nodded his approval. "You do not dwell on the past and you stand behind your convictions. That is good. But tell me this…do you feel as confident about your present? Do you feel shame that your heart betrays you…because it is torn between two loves?"

Serena stole a quick glance at Cullen before hanging her head. "I…"

"Enough!" Cullen shouted from her side. "She should not be made to answer those questions."

The spirit honored Cullen's demand and moved on to him for questioning. He drew in a ragged breath, knowing what was coming.

"Gallant templar," the apparition began. "You who has suffered most and is known the least by your companions…your whole life has revolved around secrets and pain. Orphaned as a baby, you were raised among holy women who taught you that faith was to be valued above all else. You were teased mercilessly by the other children who used your lack of parentage to cement the notion that you were unworthy of acceptance. A lonely child who never knew friendship or love which caused you to draw into yourself, you were resolved to your fate to serve the Maker and never know true happiness or companionship."

Cullen found the spirit's voicing of his shortcomings and fears embarrassing, but he was happy that the ghost was not bringing up his feelings for Serena. Maybe the spirit knew about what happened in the tower and the fact that he had already humiliated himself on that subject. The specter continued.

"You finally found acceptance in the friendship of one boy, a boy who cared for you and protected you. Then, when you left the shelter of the Chantry, you met a young woman…"

_Maker, here it comes_

"That young woman became your whole life. You shirked your responsibilities and duties just to be near her, to have the chance to see her or speak to her. Tell me, templar, if you would have had the assurity that she shared your feelings would you have forsaken your vows to be with her?"

Cullen hung his head and whispered. "Yes."

The humiliation continued as the spirit asked him to lay his heart bare. "And knowing that your only friend is now her mate, do you feel shame that you not only harbor the same feelings as before but those feelings have grown stronger? Do you feel shame that in your heart you wish that she would choose to love you instead?"

Cullen closed his eyes, barely able to breathe, as he attempted to push down the remorse that the knight's words brought to light. His shoulders slumped from the guilt that weighed heavily upon him. He had tried so hard to put aside his feelings for Serena. Keeping his promise to Alistair that he would not try to steal her away had become an agonizing, never ending struggle. Being a real part of her life, getting to know who she really was gave him confidence and self-assurance that he had never before experienced. Maker forgive him, she was all he wanted and that damned spirit had to bring it to light for everyone to see, including Alistair.

"Stop." Alistair whispered from Serena's other side. His voice rose slightly, taking a tone of quiet determination. "This conversation bodes ill for all of us, as you well know spirit. There is no need to degrade us any further. You have made us look at our own shortcomings and we have answered your questions. We will answer no more."

The great door behind the ghost suddenly broke free of its magical lock. The apparition gave them a bow of his head. "The way is open, but know this…you will enter the next chamber one at a time for your first trial, unless the spirits wish it otherwise. Luck be with you and may you find what you seek."

With that, the knight's spirit disappeared in a brilliant flash of bright white light. On the other side of the doorway was a long, narrow corridor that led to an archway with another large room beyond. The four of them had to form a single line to make it through the hall between the entries, Serena leading, Leliana second, then Alistair and finally Cullen taking up the rear.

Even though they stood single file and Cullen was in the back, they all had a clear view of what was going on in the room ahead. When Serena's foot touched down on the stone in the next room, the ghostly apparition of Jowan appeared before her. As typical of Serena, she questioned if the spirit was really that of her old friend. His answers were cryptic and all-knowing and at first she didn't believe her eyes or ears. Even though Cullen could see everything, he could only hear part of the verbal exchange between the two mages. In the end, Cullen was able to make out Serena's apology to Jowan. She didn't apologize for his death, but she did express remorse for not being a better friend when they were at the tower together before everything went sour.

Serena stepped to the side and the other mage disappeared, to be replaced by the spirit of a lovely woman with long flowing red hair. Cullen knew right away that it was the ghost of Leliana's mother whom the young rogue had not seen since she was a small girl. Their conversation consisted of the mother telling her daughter how proud she was of her and that she loved her. She also told Leliana not to dwell on her past mistakes, but to look at them as learning experiences for the future. After her mother disappeared, the younger woman glanced at the two men waiting in the archway. A sad smile played at the corner of the red-head's lips and her tear-filled eyes glistened in the torchlight.

Cullen briefly wondered who would appear for him. He had nobody. The only people he had ever been close to in his entire life were in the flesh right there with him. Maybe he wouldn't be required to face this particular trial. It seemed to be all about acceptance and forgiveness for both the involved parties. Even the templars that he watched suffer and die at the hands of the blood mages in the tower were men he barely knew. He sighed. He wondered how he would explain to the rest of his companions the fact that nobody would come to him.

Alistair hadn't even stepped down when the figure of a tall blonde man with steel blue eyes dressed in gold and black heavy plate armor appeared. He was an imposing figure as his hawk-like gaze regarded the younger man walking toward him. Cullen noted that Alistair looked quite a bit like the man, so concluded that he must have been the ghost of his friend's father, Maric. The king's voice rang out clear and strong as he addressed the prince.

"I realize that the rules of the gauntlet state that you must face the spirits of your past one at a time." He said with a regal air. He then looked past Alistair and straight into Cullen's eyes. "But I wish to speak to both of my living sons at the same time."


	10. Chapter 10

Alistair turned to Cullen with an expression of shocked confusion that matched his own. When they had been at the Chantry together, several people had remarked that they looked as if they could be brothers, but Cullen never thought in a hundred ages that it might actually be true. Before he even realized it, his feet had carried him forward and he found himself standing in front of the man that sired him, a man he never knew.

Maric narrowed his eyes before smiling at his younger son. "You have the look of your mother about you, Cullen."

The templar frowned. "I don't even know who my mother is…or was."

His voice had a faraway quality to it. He wasn't even sure that the words actually came from his mouth. It all seemed like a dream that he would wake up from any second.

The king nodded. "I know and I am sorry for that. Her name was Jenna and she was hand maiden to my wife, Queen Rowan. The queen knew of my affair with your mother, but when she found out that Jenna was with child she was furious. She allowed the girl to stay in the castle until you were born. She called for your death, but I convinced Rowan to allow you to live. However, she told your mother that you died almost immediately after birth. The queen sent Jenna away from the castle and sent you to the Chantry, telling only the Grand Cleric of your true parentage. I was informed a short time later that your mother was so overcome with grief that she took her own life."

And there it was, the biggest question of his entire life finally answered. Somehow, knowing the answer didn't satisfy him as much as he always thought that it would. In fact, all it did was bring up more questions, the biggest one being why? Why was he never told? Why was he always made to feel as if he was worthless…an unwanted thing like a pile of manure stuck to the bottom of someone's boot. He never had anyone who loved him or cared whether he lived or died, at least not until he met Alistair, and he was ten years old when that occurred. His whole life was shaped around the fact that he had no parents, that he was nothing, and now to find out that he was a…a prince.

He realized that Maric, his father, had been speaking to Alistair and he hadn't heard a word that was said between them. Frankly, he just didn't care. How dare he? How dare this man, this spirit come to him now? Why tell him at all? Why was this happening to him? He always thought that if he could just know who his parents were, if he could find out anything about his heritage, he would be happy. But he wasn't happy at all, he was furious.

He was furious that this man had used his mother and allowed his wife to toss her out like garbage. He was furious that, because of a lie that his father and his bitch of a queen orchestrated, his mother had taken her own life. He was furious that the Grand Cleric, the voice of the Maker, lied to him after teaching him that the Maker valued honesty and faith above all else. It was a farce, every bit of it. The Maker, the Chantry…his entire life had been one big lie. And he had given up the one and only thing that had ever really mattered to him because of that lie.

He stared at his brother who was busy listening to their bitch born father speak. His lip began to tremble as he wondered why Alistair was given the courtesy of knowing who his parents were. He knew that the fact that he was a bastard prince had always been a bone of contention for Alistair and he had always hated the truth of it, but at least he knew. Cullen was never given that luxury. He didn't want to be king, Alistair could have the throne. He would have just liked to believe that somebody cared enough about him to let him know he was wanted and loved by somebody, anybody. Why did the Maker see fit to give Alistair everything, including Serena, and leave him with nothing but a kick to the gut? Cullen wanted to hate Alistair, but he couldn't. It wasn't his brother's fault any more than it was his.

Maric looked into his eyes again. "I hope that you understand that even though only one of you will take the crown, you must work together to unite the country under one banner. Both of your mothers were given amulets by me, which in turn were given to you. They are the exact same holy symbols of Andraste and both of them bear the symbol of the Theirin crest on the back which will prove your birthright to anyone who questions it.

My time draws short so I have only one more thing to tell you." He put a hand on each of the younger men's shoulders. "I am proud of both of you. One son a Grey Warden and the other a Templar…both honest, merciful and faithful and both damn fine warriors. A father couldn't ask for better sons." With that, he gave them both one final approving look before fading into nothingness.

The two men stood there for a long moment, both in shock and full of mixed emotions. Not a word was spoken between them, instead they chose to simply join Serena and Leliana in order to continue through the Gauntlet and recover the ashes to complete their mission.

Throughout the rest of the trials, Cullen silently went through the motions allowing Serena to take the lead and offering nothing of any significance other than his mere presence and his sword when it was needed. He felt hollow and empty, his hopes dashed and his faith shattered. There was nothing left of him. In that one conversation, everything he was had been taken from him. He felt a small pang at the thought that, if he had Serena, she could have helped him rebuild his life. She would have been the rock that cemented his world, giving him faith in something.

He knew that he couldn't go back to being a templar. He was finished with the Order, the Chantry, Andraste and the Maker. To the Void with them all and let them rot along with what was left of his soul. He saw his future being nothing more than living life day to day in hopes that it would end sooner than later. Everything he was…was simply…gone, and he just couldn't find the will to care anymore.

When they reached the final test, Cullen hesitated. It was a trial by fire that had to do with faith. The premise was that pilgrims who wanted to near the Urn would need to show complete and utter trust in order to get through the ordeal. All of their clothing would need to be removed down to their small clothes before walking through the wall of flames to show that they believed without a doubt that Andraste would get them through it without a mark. Since he had no faith left, he would not be able to pass that test.

His friends had already gone through and were waiting on the other side for him. He could see them yelling to him, trying to be heard over the sound of the blaze, but couldn't make out what was being said. He looked at them all sadly before taking a step back and shaking his head. No sooner than his second foot landed on the stone, the air around him grew cold. It felt like icy fingers were crawling across his skin, overtaking him like an ice cold bath. Instead of fighting, he closed his eyes, reveling in the sensation of death and peace that he had been longing for just moments before. Just as he was about to release himself completely to the black void, he felt warmth surround his fingertips. The gentle heat of that touch began to rise up his arm. He didn't understand…he had nothing, was nothing why wouldn't this new force just let him go? He opened his eyes and found himself staring into Serena's bright sapphire ones.

"Don't you dare give up on me. You are too important to just let go." She clasped both of his big hands in her small delicate ones. "We will go through this together, Cullen. Just keep your eyes on mine. Concentrate on the sound of my voice. Have faith in me."

He became lost in those eyes, shining like beacons in the darkness, her voice the sound of salvation amid a raging storm. _Serena_, her name filled his thoughts, the only thing he had faith in, the only thing that mattered. She smiled at him, tears of relief forming in her eyes. He felt a large hand clasp his shoulder.

"I would have been pissed to lose my brother the day I found out I had one, Ace." He heard Alistair say behind him. He looked around and realized he had come through the blaze unscathed, that _she _had brought him through. Alistair and Leliana had begun to ascend the large steps in front of them, both completely in awe of being in the presence of the Urn of Sacred Ashes which left Serena and Cullen alone, their eyes still locked. The ancient sentry's words rang in his ears. _…your heart betrays you…because it is torn between two loves._

"Thank you." He whispered.

Her face betrayed the desperation of wanting to say words that were better left unspoken. "I couldn't lose you, Cullen. I…I…lo…"

"This is absolutely amazing." Alistair's words from the top of the stairs interrupted Serena's confession. "Are you two coming or not?"

_Maker's Balls Alistair!_ He cursed under his breath. He tried to hold Serena's eyes but the moment had passed and she silently circled and began trudging up the stone steps. Had she really almost said the words that had he had been longing to hear? He peered up the stairs and saw Alistair take her by the hand and help her up the rest of the way. He was beaming at her like a love-sick schoolboy.

Cullen sighed. No matter how much he wanted to pursue her, no matter how much she meant to him, he would abide by his word. He couldn't betray his brother, the only family he had…the only family he had ever known.

It didn't take nearly as much time to exit the Gauntlet as it had to get through it, Leliana and Alistair chatting the whole way about how awe inspiring the whole experience had been. Cullen and Serena remained completely silent, refusing to even look in each other's direction. When they reached the outside of the building, the sun was shining high in the midday sky. Sten was standing in the exact same spot in the exact same stance in which they had left him. He heard them approach and circled to face them.

"I was beginning to wonder if you would return. It has been two days since you disappeared into that doorway."

What felt like only hours had actually been days. No wonder Cullen felt so hungry. He wasn't the only one who was thinking about his stomach because Alistair almost immediately began harassing Serena about stopping for lunch. She agreed that it was a good idea, but requested that they move to the other side of the bridge before they stopped. She seemed to want to get as much distance between herself and the Gauntlet as possible.

They sat down against a large rock near the cave's entrance where the sun would keep them warm. Alistair wolfed down his food quickly as usual then took off walking in order to explore his surroundings. Cullen watched him wandering around for a few minutes before returning to his food. Once he had started eating, he realized that his stomach was too upset about the events that happened in the Gauntlet to eat very much.

Suddenly, Serena jumped to her feet like someone had kicked her. The world seemed to move in slow motion as she held out her hand and screamed. "Alistair…NOOOO!"

Cullen turned in time to see his brother use his sword to make contact with a large gold plate that was hanging near the path.A loud low ringing sound pierced the air and echoed over the mountaintop. It was almost immediately followed by a deafening roar. Cullen's blood ran cold as he saw the giant dragon fly over their heads and land in the chasm below.


	11. Chapter 11

The dragon opened its huge jaws and roared again, which made Alistair take off at a run toward the others. Serena, both angry and frightened, turned on her lover.

"What in Andraste's holy name did you do that for?" she yelled.

"I don't have a bloody clue." Alistair was almost whimpering and Cullen couldn't tell if it was because of the dragon or the murderous look that the mage was throwing at him. "I was just walking by that thing and it was almost like something led me toward it and whispered, 'Ring me Alistair.' Before I could stop myself, I had hit it with my sword. I'm sorry, love, I don't know what got into me."

Serena rolled her eyes and sighed. "Well, maybe we can sneak into the cave without fighting it. I don't relish the thought of facing a dragon that big."

Cullen looked down the hill at the dragon. It was monstrous, almost as wide as the side of the chasm that it stood in. It spread its large spiny gray wings and opened its mouth bearing razor sharp teeth, each almost as large as a man, to let out another bellowing cry. This time, the sound was followed by a mighty wave of fire that scorched the ground at its feet. Its large yellow, cat-like eyes fell upon the intruders who summoned it. It seemed to regard its prey in turn, studying each one for a moment.

When its gaze turned on Cullen and he looked the mighty creature right in the eyes, something in him snapped. It was almost as if all of the heartache and pain that he had suffered erupted into a great rage inside him and began to boil to the surface. His anger at learning about his parents, his new-found animosity toward the Chantry, his outrage at the unfairness of it all turned into a violent fury that he could no longer contain.

He screamed out an unrelenting battle-cry that echoed throughout the thin mountain air as he unsheathed the claymore at his back and ran toward the massive beast. He didn't know if anyone was following him and he didn't care. At that moment, all he could think about was making the creature pay for every indignation that he had ever suffered through.

Just before he reached the animal, it spit flame at Cullen to protect itself. He rolled to the side to avoid it, then quickly jumped to his feet and drove the blade of his sword into the side of its thick neck. Waves of black fluid began to pour from the wound, covering Cullen's head and shoulders as he pulled his blade free from its body. The dragon threw its head to the side, knocking the templar off his feet and sending him flying through the air.

His back hit upon a large rock, ending his flight. It only caused him to hesitate for a moment before he was back on his feet and running full force toward the beast again. Lightning began to descend from the sky, but he dodged it easily as he bounded toward his prey. He noticed a tremendous boulder lying next to the beast and used it as a stepping stone to jump on the creature's back, plunging his blade to the hilt into the area of its neck just behind its head. The dragon began to buck, trying its best to throw off its assailant. Cullen held onto his sword and threw his body to the side so he was hanging from the beast's neck by the hilt. Between the templar's weight on the claymore and the dragon's movement, the blade began to carve the creature's flesh like a knife tearing through heavy canvas. He could feel the dragon's skin and muscle sever as the sword ripped through it, staining his armor and face with thick black blood as he made his descent toward the ground.

When Cullen's boots hit the stone, he adjusted his grip and pivoted in a great wide circle pulling his blade free as he went. When he had turned almost a full 360 degrees he drove his sword into the creature's throat, just behind its jaw. Then he used his full body weight to push the sword to the side in order for the two gashes to meet and form one large wound, which caused the dragon's head to fall away from that side of its neck. The beast finally collapsed onto its side with a mighty crash which shook the ground around them.

When it was over and the dragon had taken its dying breath, Cullen stood there panting from the exertion before falling to his knees and driving the point of his sword into the ground. Waves of sorrow overtook him as he began to weep like a child who had been ripped away from its mother. Doused in the ebony blood of a high dragon, he knelt there on the cold hard stone, a mighty warrior reduced to tears, the emotional weight he had carried his entire life threatening to crush him.

The sound of Serena's screaming cries brought him out of his pitiable state. When he looked up, he was greeted by the site of her falling to the ground next to Alistair, who was lying at the base of the bridge covered in blood. During the ordeal with the dragon, Cullen had hardly been aware of anyone else's presence. The only thing he remembered that even remotely resembled any of his companions fighting was the lightning he had to dodge. It took him a moment to comprehend what he was seeing before he jumped to his feet and ran to his brother's side.

Serena had gathered Alistair up in her arms and was holding his head tightly against her chest.

"Alistair, wake up." She sobbed. "Please wake up." She put her hands to the side of his head and began mumbling an incantation under her breath. Her palms glowed brightly as she used healing spell after healing spell to try to revive him. After a few minutes she finally collapsed from the strain, but Alistair remained unconscious.

Leliana grabbed Serena's pack and began frantically searching through it. She looked up at Cullen with desperation in her eyes. "She has drained all of her mana and she's out of lyrium potions. What should we do?"

Cullen knew that if Serena didn't replenish her mana soon she would be in serious trouble. It might not kill her, but it could take days, even weeks to recover from it. The situation was even more dire for Alistair. At the rate his brother was losing blood, he would be lost to the Void if he didn't get help soon. Cullen opened his pack and pulled a clean linen shirt from it. He ripped it apart and quickly tied the remnants around Alistair's head and arm which were bleeding the worst. The material was soaked through almost immediately. It was the best Cullen could do with what he had so he hoped that it would keep his brother from bleeding out completely before they could find help.

"We have to get them out of here." said Cullen. "But I'm not sure either one is going to make it back through those caverns."

Leliana looked around to try to gauge whether there was a safe way to get down the side of the mountain. She pointed to the right of the mouth of the cave. "Look! There's another path and it seems to lead around to the front of the temple."

Cullen hoped that the path wouldn't lead them to a dead end or a door that they couldn't open, but it was their only hope of getting to help in time. He pointed to his brother and called to the big Qunari standing just a few feet away.

"Sten! I need you to carry Alistair. I'll carry Serena." He turned his attention to Leliana. "I need you to gather up all of the supplies, put them away and carry the packs. You also need to grab Alistair's sword and shield and Serena's staff. Can you manage all of that?"

Leliana nodded her head and went to work as Sten threw Alistair over his shoulder with very little effort. Cullen scooped Serena up into his arms just as he had on the night of her Harrowing and began carrying her up the side of the small gorge and down the side path. Sten followed close behind as Leliana hurried and gathered their things.

At the end of the trail, Cullen came face to face with a large door near the front of the ruins. He turned to see how far behind Leliana was, when she breezed past him and began to search for a way to open the barrier. It took only a few minutes before they heard the locks release. The rogue put all of her weight into opening the door, but it wouldn't budge. Sten, still holding onto the prince, approached and stood next to Cullen.

"Leliana, you might want to move." He said casually before nodding to the Qunari. "On three…one…two…THREE!" As soon as the final word was spoken, both Cullen and Sten kicked out and landed a foot on the big door which in turn flew open with a loud crash. Wynn and Brother Genitivi, who were just feet from the newly opened entryway, jumped when they heard the sound.

When the older mage noticed her two unconscious companions she hurried to them as quickly as she could. "What happened?" she asked.

"Alistair got hurt fighting a dragon." Cullen explained. "Serena tried to heal him, but she exhausted her mana."

Wynn bobbed her head with understanding. She called to the scholar. "Please…search my pack and find as many lyrium potions as you can, then bring them to me." She then returned her attention to the others and pointed to the floor in front of her. "Cullen, Sten, lay them down on the floor there."

As soon as Alistair's body touched the ground, Wynn went to work trying to heal him. When Genitivi had recovered the potions and set them down beside the mage she addressed Cullen. "Uncork a couple of those and give them to Serena. I've seen you do it before, so I know that you can do it now."

Cullen's face was tinged red as he grabbed two of the bottles. He knew exactly what the older enchanter was referring to. When they were at the tower, Serena had been practicing spells late into the night, long after everyone else had gone to bed. She ended up pushing herself a little too hard and collapsed on the floor of the library. Cullen had taken on an extra shift that night for the normal guard who had come down with a nasty cold. He had been in the next room when he heard her fall. Normally, a templar who came across such a situation would have gone to find a senior enchanter, but when he found her lying on the ground he knew he just couldn't leave her like that. He quickly retrieved one of the lyrium potions that she had placed on a nearby table and administered it to her as best he could. He had no idea that anyone else had been there and seen him.

He rushed over to Serena and placed her head in his lap to help prop it. He uncorked one of the bottles and touched the glass to her lips then slowly began to pour the liquid in. He became frustrated when it just dripped down the sides of her face. The mouth of the bottles was just too wide. When he had helped Serena before, the potions he gave her had been in small glass tubes which were perfect for placing the whole opening into someone's mouth and letting its contents just spill inside. If Cullen tried to do that with the bottles that Wynn had, he would have drown the poor girl. He thought for a moment, trying to figure out the best way to get the potion into her. He looked down at her full plum-colored lips and then it came to him.

He poured a small amount of the potion into his own mouth and placed his mouth on hers. He used the strength of his lips to part hers just enough to allow the potion to trickle into her mouth. He repeated the process several more times. The last time he did so, he felt her mouth open wider and her tongue reach out to brush against his. The kiss only lasted for a moment before he pulled away from her. He looked to his brother who was still unconscious and felt a pang of guilt sting his insides.

"Thank you." Serena said quietly as she sat up. Cullen's throat felt so tight and dry that he couldn't speak. Instead he simply nodded. Serena turned her attention to Wynn who was still busy trying to repair Alistair's wounds. "Is he going to be okay Wynn?" she asked.

The older mage shook her head sadly. "He has lost a lot of blood. So far, I have been able to close all of his wounds, but I'm afraid it took longer than it should have."

Tears began to stain Serena's cheeks. "What are you saying Wynn?"

Wynn's eyes were glistening and her lips began to tremble. "I'm sorry child, but unless a miracle happens, he's not going to make it."


	12. Chapter 12

Serena swiped the tears from her eyes and her cheeks with her fingertips, determination replacing sadness on her face.

"No." she said stubbornly. "He is not going to die. I won't let him."

Wynn grabbed Serena's hands and tried to reason with the younger mage. "You know that there is nothing we can do to replace his lost blood, not without resorting to forbidden magic. Right now, all we can do is wait…and pray." She looked up at Sten. "We need to get him someplace more comfortable. Would you mind carrying him back down to the village?"

Sten nodded his agreement and threw Alistair back over his shoulder. Wynn led the way out of the ruins with the Qunari following close behind. Once outside the temple, Leliana ran ahead to find a bed for Alistair. Cullen and Serena trailed behind remaining silent the whole way.

When they reached the village, Leliana directed them to a small vacant cottage just down the hill from the Chantry then quickly excused herself. Sten carefully laid Alistair down on the bed and immediately left the house as well. Serena walked around the bed and stood peering down at Alistair's pale, almost lifeless face for a few minutes before breaking down and falling to her knees at his side.

Cullen stood there watching Serena fall apart, wishing that there was something he could do for her. He cursed himself for losing control the way he had on the mountain. If it wasn't for him attacking that damned dragon, none of this would have ever happened. His brother, who had everything to lose, was hanging on by a thread while he was still alive and healthy. He wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry at the bitter irony of it all.

He felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to see Leliana standing there with tears in her eyes. "Maybe we should leave them alone for a little while." The templar sighed and nodded before following the red-head out the door. Once they were back on the path outside, Leliana reached up and pulled a big glob of dried dragon's blood out of Cullen's hair.

"You are a complete mess, you know." She said with a sad smile. She pointed to another home on the left side of the main path. "When I was trying to find a place for Alistair, I noticed that the house over there has a tub. If you would like, I could prepare a bath for you so you can wash all of this off." Cullen hesitated for a moment. He wasn't sure he wanted to be indisposed like that in case he was needed.

"I'm not sure that Serena needs anymore reminders of what happened and your appearance would definitely serve as one." Leliana coaxed before waving her hand in front of her nose. "Besides….you smell horrible."

Cullen looked down at his armor. The rogue was right, he was a mess. His heavy silver plate was stained almost completely black with the creature's blood and he could feel the dried stuff on his skin. He glanced back up at Leliana who was fidgeting expectantly. The left corner of his mouth turned up in a crooked grin. "Well, since you put it that way, how could I possibly refuse?"

She gave a curt nod. "Good. It's settled then." She pivoted on her heel before looking back over her shoulder at him. "Follow me." He obeyed her command and let her lead him to a modest home several yards from where they had been standing. Just before they got to the door, he brushed by her and opened it. She smiled at his chivalrous gesture as she walked past him and through the doorway. She led him to a small room off to the left where he found a tub already filled with water.

"I'll be just in the other room if you need anything." She said with a coy smile.

"Thank you, Leliana." He replied.

Once she had shut the door behind her, Cullen quickly removed his armor and clothes and slipped into the steaming water. It was a little warmer than what he had expected, but his body rapidly adjusted to it as it soothed his sore muscles. The inside of the tub turned dark and murky as the dragon's blood began melting away from his skin. After he washed his hair and face he laid back in the water, letting its warmth envelop him. Just as he started to relax, his mind began to race taking stock of everything that had happened since they entered the temple.

At first, his thoughts were about what he had learned about his parents. The anguish and rage he had harbored when he first found out the truth was all but gone. He was still bitter, but in light of what happened with the dragon and with Alistair's injuries, it all seemed so petty at that moment. Then he thought about Serena. He began to recall everything she said, every look she gave him and the words the sentry spoke to her…_torn between two loves._ He saw it in her eyes when she glanced at him after the apparition said the words. Then there was the fact that she almost said that she loved him at the base of the stairway leading to the Urn.

He reached up and touched his lips. She had kissed him. With everything that was going on when it happened, his mind filled with worry over both her and Alistair, it hadn't really dawned on him at that moment. His breath quickened as he recalled the feel of her tongue brushing against his. He wondered if it was just a reflex or if she actually meant to do it. Maybe in her semiconscious state, she thought that he was Alistair and that's why she kissed him like that. He licked his lips as he remembered the way she tasted and he felt his manhood begin to harden at the thought.

"Very nice."

Cullen's eyes flew open and he sat up, covering himself as he did. "Leliana!" His face turned bright red when he saw the appreciative smile on her face.

"There is no need to be embarrassed. This is not the first time I have seen a man." Her grin widened. "Although, I must admit, I can't remember seeing one as nice as you before."

His eyes darted around the room as he desperately looked for something to cover himself up with. "What are you doing in here?"

She shrugged and held out the bundle of clothes in her arms. "I thought that I would bring a fresh towel and your clothes to you." She turned and placed them on the small table near the door before circling to look at him again.

Cullen pursed his lips in an embarrassed smile. "Um…thank you…I'd like to get dressed now if you don't mind."

She cocked her head to one side. "Okay." She said without moving. "Go ahead."

"Um…can I have some privacy…please?" he asked.

"Well, if you insist." She replied before giving one final glance to his hand-covered groin and walking out the door. After he heard it click, Cullen hurriedly got out of the tub, dried and dressed. Leliana had picked out a pair of heavy black suede trousers that laced in the front and at the sides of the ankles and fit a little more snugly than what he was accustomed to. There was also a loose-fitting black linen shirt with a keyhole neckline, black wool socks, small clothes and his tall black boots. Other than his boots and undergarments, Cullen had never seen those particular clothes before. He assumed that the outfit was something that Leliana had picked out for him and wondered briefly where she could have found the clothes. He looked at himself in the mirror for a moment, and had to admit that black suited him.

When he walked out into the main room of the house, Leliana beamed brightly at him. "I'm glad that the clothes fit. You look very dashing."

"Thank you, Leliana." he said, then quickly added, "for everything."

"You are very welcome, messere." she replied as she sauntered toward him. She reached up her hand and ran it through his damp hair. "I'm happy to see that you were able to get rid of all of the blood."

Maker, what had he gotten himself into? She had been making passes at him for weeks, but they had always been subtle before. She was outdoing herself this time. Cullen considered Leliana a friend and didn't want to hurt her feelings. He had been doing a pretty fair job of playing dumb and it had always worked before, but he had a feeling that he wouldn't get away with the act with her being so incredibly forward.

Before he even realized it was happening, the rogue had grabbed the back of his head and pulled his mouth to hers. He felt her slide her hand to his groin, which caused him to gasp. She must have taken it as a good sign because she began to fondle him, causing him to harden under her expert touch. The feel of her hand on him, the taste of her soft lips made it difficult for him to concentrate. This was so much different than the kiss he shared with Serena back at the tower on the day she left…_Serena._ The thought of her made Cullen pull away from Leliana.

"I, um…I need to go check on my brother…and, uh…see if Serena needs anything." he said apprehensively.

Leliana's face was full of sad disappointment and slight confusion. She didn't say anything, she simply nodded. Cullen opened his mouth to tell her he was sorry, but closed it again quickly and turned for the exit. Once outside, he put his back to the door and closed his eyes, trying his best to control his breathing. One thing was for sure, he was going to have to avoid Leliana like the plague for the next few days until everything blew over.

After he had gained most of his composure, Cullen headed for the cottage where Alistair was being kept. He wondered if there had been any change. His question was answered as soon as he saw Serena's face. She was sitting on the bed beside his brother, lightly running her fingers through his hair. He had never seen her look like that before. Her face was blotchy, her deep blue eyes were bright red and puffy from crying and her hair was a disheveled mess. She looked absolutely miserable and it broke Cullen's heart to see her in such a state knowing there was nothing he could do for her.

Wynn, who had been sitting in the corner reading, looked up from her book when Cullen took a step forward. She glanced at Serena and then stood and approached the templar.

"Can I talk to you in the other room for a moment?" she whispered. He nodded and followed her into the main room of the house. She turned to him, her face mired with concern. "I know that you and Serena are close, and I was wondering if you could do me a favor." Cullen narrowed his eyes.

"Whatever you need Wynn." he assured her.

She glimpsed at the door and lowered her voice. "She's been sitting there like that, crying since right after we got him here. Given her present state, she's not doing herself or Alistair any good. She needs to get out of that room, at least for a little while…maybe see if you can get her to eat something or do anything else besides sitting in there crying."

"I'll see what I can do, Wynn." he promised.

When Cullen reentered the bedroom, Serena was still sitting in the same spot that she had been a few minutes before, still running her fingers through Alistair's hair. She hung her head. "Let me guess," she said in a hoarse voice. "Wynn asked you to try to convince me to leave him alone for a while."

Cullen walked to the side of the bed and sat down beside her. He hunched over with his forearms resting on his thighs and let his hands dangle between his knees as he stared at the wall in front of him.

"I think it's a good idea, Serena." He said quietly. "It would kill Alistair to see you this way."

"I know." She sighed. "But what if he wakes up and I'm not here?"

"Then Wynn will come and get you." He turned his head to see that she was staring at him. As puffy as they were from crying, her sapphire eyes were still mesmerizing. He encircled her arm with his and stood, pulling her along with him. "Come on…let's go get some fresh air."

Serena turned and took one final glance at Alistair before placing her hand on Cullen's bicep and leaning against him for support as he escorted her out the door. Once they were outside, he looked around and spotted a small bench along the path. He guided her to it and gestured for her to sit. As soon as he was seated, Serena fell into his arms and began weeping again. He pulled her head close to his chest and began brushing her hair back away from her face. He kissed the top of her head, and then rested his cheek where his lips had touched. Her body began shaking with her sobs and Cullen instinctively held her tighter. It was almost as if he could feel her heart breaking as she convulsed next to him. He felt tears begin to well up in his own eyes, but willed them away. He had to remain strong for her sake. Even after her tears finally subsided, she remained in his arms, holding on for dear life.

Her voice had taken on a haunted quality when she asked, "What am I going to do without him, Cullen?"

He reached down and cupped her chin with his hand then directed her brilliant blue eyes to his. "Don't talk like that. Alistair's strong. He will make it through this because he has everything to live for."

She gave him a sad smile and slightly shook her head. "What do you mean Cullen? You know as well as I do that he doesn't want to be king, and you heard what he said to the sentry at the Gauntlet. He wished that he could have died in Duncan's place. He's even told me as much. What else is there?"

Cullen began to desperately search her eyes as he traced her lips with his thumb. "Yet, he still has everything…because he has you." he whispered.

It was almost as if her lips were like a magnet, drawing his mouth to hers. He bent and kissed her softly. At first, she didn't pull away. Instead, she wrapped her arms tighter around him and melted into his embrace. Time stood still as he reveled in the softness of her lips moving against his. He held on to her, onto that moment, as long as he could before she finally pulled back.

"We can't do this, Cullen." She said as she looked away.

"I know." he whispered sadly. "I apologize…I…I just forgot myself for a moment."

She peered up into his green eyes again and sighed. Fresh tears began to trickle down her cheeks. "I'm sorry. I'm just so confused." She began to explain. "All of those years we spent at that tower…all that time I tried to get close to you, but you wouldn't let me. I…I think I fell in love with you the first time I saw you." She drew a ragged breath. "But I just can't, not now. No matter how I felt about you…how I feel about you…I love Alistair. I hope you can understand that."

Cullen nodded. "I know, Serena and I would never ask you to give him up. I care about both of you too much to do that."

She reached up and touched his cheek. "Thank you, Cullen…for understanding. You have become a very special part of my life, especially over the past few months. I consider you the closest friend I have ever had and I don't want what just happened or what I just said to change that."

Even though his heart felt like it was shattering into thousands of pieces, he smiled at her. "I will always be here for you, Serena, no matter what. If all I can be is your friend, then I will be content with that. Just knowing you and being able to be a part of your life, to be your friend…it's more than I could have ever hoped for."

With those words, she threw her arms around him in a friendly hug. He nuzzled the top of her head with his cheek. "I love you." He whispered, the sound of his voice barely audible.

"Did you say something?" She asked.

He shook his head and closed his eyes, basking in the warmth of her embrace. "No." he lied.

They continued to hold onto each other like that. The heat of her body, the calming sensation of her even breathing against him, the way her head fit against his neck so perfectly all served to make him feel more comfortable than he had ever felt in his life. It was so relaxing in fact, that the next time he opened his eyes he saw the first rays of dawn, the clouds over the mountain painted a brilliant purple and orange. He looked down at the woman and gave her one last tight squeeze before gently shaking her shoulder to wake her up.

She regarded him with half-opened lids, her eyes still heavy from sleep. He expected to see disappointment on her face when she saw that it was him that held her all night. Instead, she gave him a tired but warm smile which made his heart skip a beat.

"I need to go check on Alistair." she said as she sat up and stretched her arms wide. "Thank you for being there for me last night."

She looked so lovely in the morning light and he wanted to reach out and touch her face so badly, but instead he simply smiled. "I told you, I'm here whenever you need me, Serena."

She leaned over and lightly kissed him on the cheek before standing up and heading toward the house where Alistair was being kept. Cullen remained on the bench for a few more minutes as he closed his eyes and touched his cheek where her lips had touched his skin. He mentally shook himself trying to hold his feelings at bay. His best friend, his brother, was lying on his death bed and all he could think about was Serena. He sighed heavily before finding his feet to follow her.

When he reentered Alistair's room, Serena was once again sitting by the prince's side, stroking his hair and whispering something to him. She bent down and kissed his forehead.

Wynn excused herself into the next room when she noticed that Cullen had arrived to stay with the couple. As she walked past, she looked up at Cullen gratefully. "Thank you for taking care of her. She seems much better this morning." She glanced back at her charge. "I'll be right outside if you need me."

He nodded to the healer and then walked around to sit down on the bed behind Serena. "How's he doing?" Cullen asked, covering her shoulders with his big hands. She reached up and covered one of his hands with her own.

"Wynn says that there's no change." He felt her shoulders rise and fall heavily beneath his hands. "He's not any better, but he's not any worse so I guess that's something to be thankful for, right?"

The templar could feel that her muscles were beginning to tighten, so he began to massage them gently. "Right." he replied. A small moan escaped her lips as he continued to work to ease the tautness beneath his fingers. She tilted her head to the side and her hair fell away exposing the alabaster skin of her neck. The thoughts that came to his mind caused him to remove his hands from her shoulders.

"Thank you, Cullen." She said looking back at him with a sad smile. He bowed his head slightly in answer. They sat there on the bed with Alistair, Serena holding the older prince's hand and Cullen watching over them, without another word passing between them for the next few hours. When he noticed that it was getting rather late in the morning, Cullen finally stood and took Serena' hand.

"You should really eat something…to keep your strength up." He said quietly.

To his surprise she actually agreed with him. "You're probably right. I'm just driving myself mad by sitting here anyway." She continued to hold his hand as they walked through the door. In the next room, they were greeted by the sight of the rest of their companions who were involved in a debate that was beginning to become rather heated.

"We need to wait for Alistair to get better." said Wynn. "Moving him now would just put him more at risk."

Leliana spoke up from her seated position at the left side of the small, scrub-worn table. "I agree. He is not able to travel now, even if we could find a horse."

Morrigan, who had been standing by the fireplace, crossed her arms. "I say let the stupid oaf stay here. He would only slow us down if we tried to take him to Redcliff with us anyway."

"I think Morrigan is right." Zevran concurred. "The important thing right now is to get the ashes to the arl."

Cullen felt Serena's grip tighten on his hand. He saw that her face had become hardened with determination. "Of course." She murmured before addressing the others.

"Why are we standing around here debating about taking the ashes to the arl when we could use them to save Alistair?"

"Are you insane?" Morrigan shouted. "If we do that then this entire trip was wasted. Tis Alistair's own fault that he is injured. We came here to do a job and we should see it through, tis simple as that."

"Morrigan is correct." Sten said, standing at his full height. "We cannot allow Alistair's injury to lead us astray from our purpose."

The rest of them began yelling at Serena, giving their reasons why she shouldn't do what she was now planning.

"I don't give a damn about Eamon right now!" she shouted. "Alistair is much more important than the arl. He is the future king of Ferelden and the only other Grey Warden in the country. If he falls, we're all lost anyway."

Her words didn't deter the others; in fact, all it did was make them angrier. Cullen could see that Serena wasn't even listening to their words. Her mind was made up and they would not be able to dissuade her.

"Leliana." She demanded. "give me the pouch."

The red-head stood tall and threw her head back in defiance. "I will not. You are not thinking clearly, Serena."

The mage threw a bolt of ice at the rogue's feet in warning. "I will not ask again." She said coldly. "Give me the ashes."

"No." Leliana repeated in a low voice.

A white hot light began to form in Serena's hand and Cullen could see that it was all about to end very badly for her if she continued on her current course. He wrapped his fingers around the forearm of the hand that was about to attack their friend.

"Serena." He whispered soothingly. "Please, let me take care of this."

She peered up at him, her sapphire eyes glistening with angry tears and then signaled her agreement. Cullen turned to the rest of their party.

"Although you may not agree with her decision, Serena is our leader. We follow her and her orders without question." He turned to Leliana and held out his hand. "Give me the ashes Leliana. You pledged yourself to this woman, honor that pledge now."

The rogue slowly reached inside the small pocket that hung from her belt and retrieved the tiny leather pouch. Cullen approached her cautiously. Her face was pensive as she placed it in the templar's large hand. Cullen looked down at the leather sac for a moment before closing his hand over it in a tight grip. He made his way silently across the room and back to Serena. He didn't speak a word when he passed it to her. He simply gave her a sharp nod which told her that he had faith in her choices.

She gave him an appreciative smile before turning and walking back through the bedroom door. She rushed to Alistair's side and her trembling fingers began to untie the leather strings of the small bag. Just as she began to reach into the pouch, a hand gripped her forearm arm tightly.

"No." came a weak, raspy voice from below.


	13. Chapter 13

Serena's face went from shock to elation as she looked into Alistair's hazel eyes. She went to hug him, but he put his hand up to stop her.

"Wait." he insisted. "Before we get to the part where you express your tremendous relief and undying devotion, I think that you should probably retie that pouch."

Serena grinned widely as she fumbled with the strings. Once they were secure, she gingerly placed the sac on the bedside table and threw herself at the prince, covering his face with kisses.

"Oh Alistair." She rejoiced. "I was so worried. I can't tell you how happy I am that you're awake."

Alistair smiled weakly at her as he reached up and touched her cheek. "Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?" he asked.

She covered his hand with hers and then turned her face to kiss his palm. "I thought I lost you." She said before her voice took on a scolding tone. "Don't you ever scare me like that again."

"Yes, my love." he smirked. "I'll try not to let anymore dragons attack me. Next time I'll just politely ask it to let me go and I'm sure that it will be more than happy to oblige."

Without thinking, Serena smacked his arm for his cheekiness. He winced and grabbed his bicep. "Ouch." He whined. "Way to hit a man when he's down. Maybe you'd like me to lift my shirt so you can hit me in the ribs while you're at it?"

Serena rolled her eyes and chuckled. "What am I going to do with you?"

Alistair arched his brow and curled his lips in a flirtatious, crooked grin. "Well, I can think of a few things, but you might have to give me a few more days to recover first."

"He, he, he" Oghren's laugh interrupted. "Good on you, boy. Make her show ya how much she missed ya."

Serena shot the dwarf and angry glare. He shrugged. "What? There are ways you can show your appreciation without him putting any strain on himself. All ye gotta do is kiss-"

"Enough, Oghren." Wynn snapped. She walked over to the bed and performed a quick examination on Alistair. "You seem to still be quite weak, but you should make a full recovery within a couple of weeks."

"A couple of weeks?" Alistair exclaimed. "I don't think Eamon has that kind of time. I only hope that we're not too late already."

"It will take however long it takes, Alistair" insisted Serena. "You are not well enough to travel yet, and I refuse to take the chance of losing you."

With some effort, the prince sat up. He took Serena by the hand and then brushed the hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ears. "Then you must go without me, love."

"I am not leaving you behind." she argued. "We stay together no matter what, remember?"

"I remember, sweetheart" he nodded. "But this is too important to wait for me. Eamon is our best chance to stop Loghain. You know that, Serena. Don't let your love for me cloud your judgment. Besides, I'll be fine. As soon as Wynn says it is safe for me to travel, I'll join you in Redcliffe."

"But how do I know that you'll be safe here while you're trying to recover?" she questioned. "What if there are some of those cultists still lurking about? How will you defend yourself in your condition?"

"Just take three people with you and leave the rest here if it will make you feel better." He suggested.

Serena contemplated the idea for a few minutes and then shook her head. "No. I just can't do it."

Alistair's jaw tightened as he regarded her with resolute countenance. "Yes you can and you will." he commanded. "Regardless of the fact that I have allowed you to lead us thusfar, I am still the senior Warden here. Please don't make me give you a direct order."

Serena and the rest of the group were taken slightly aback by Alistair's assertiveness. It was so…un-Alistair. The young mage realized that her love was not going to concede his position. He had made up his mind and she knew that she had to respect his decision.

"I suppose that I should go pack and prepare to leave then." she muttered.

Alistair kissed her softly then placed his forehead against hers. "I'll be fine, my love. Don't worry so much. Go get ready so we can spend some time together before you have to leave."

She nodded before kissing his cheek and taking her leave. Other than Wynn, the rest of the group began to file out of the room behind her.

"Cullen, can I speak to you for a minute?" Alistair called to his brother.

The templar circled around to face him. "Of course, Alistair. What can I do for you?"

The older prince threw a glance at Wynn to let her know that he wanted privacy.

"I think I'll just go and prepare something for you to eat, Alistair." the enchanter announced before moving to the door. Once they were alone, Alistair turned his attention back to Cullen.

"I need for you to do me a favor."

"What's that?" asked the templar.

"I need for you to accompany Serena to Redcliffe." the prince replied.

Cullen shrugged one shoulder and furrowed his brow. "Okay…but why me?"

"Because I know that she will be safest with you." he explained, his face betraying no emotion. "If I cannot be there myself to protect her, I want the one person that I know would lay down his life for her to go in my stead. She can take whomever else she wants, but I want you there too."

Cullen bowed low to him. "It would be my honor to protect Serena. It means a lot to me that you trust me to guard what you hold most dear, brother."

Alistair narrowed his eyes. "Yes, you remember that."

Cullen knew exactly what his brother meant by those words. He had been finding it more and more difficult to contain his feelings for Serena and it was painfully obvious that Alistair was aware of that fact.

"I will." he assured the man. "I understand that you ask this of me even though you know my feelings for her, but I promise that I will not betray your trust."

Alistair smiled. "Actually, it's because of your feelings for her that I asked you to go. While she considers all of our companions her friends, none of them care about her as much as you do which means that none of them would think to protect her the way you would."

Their conversation was interrupted by a small knock. When neither of the men answered, Leliana peeked her head in the door. "Wynn asked me to bring you some breakfast. Can I come in?" she asked.

Alistair rubbed his palms together in anticipation. "Of course, my dear lady. I'm starving."

Cullen excused himself as Leliana entered the room carrying a tray that contained a bowl of broth, a couple of pieces of bread and a cup of tea. As he closed the door behind him, the templar heard his brother grumble. "What? No cheese?"

When he left the building, he spotted Serena sitting on the bench that they had occupied the night before. She smiled up at him.

"Let me guess," she inquired, "he wants you to accompany me to Redcliffe?"

Cullen nodded. "Yes."

"Well then, I suppose we should get ready to go. I have already informed Morrigan and Zevran that they will be traveling with us."

"Why them?" the templar asked with curiosity.

"Well," began Serena. "I consider Morrigan a friend, but she hates Alistair, so I doubt she would protect him if it came down to that. My choice to take Zevran along had more to do with you though."

Cullen didn't say anything but gave the mage a questioning look.

"Wynn needs to stay to take care of him." She explained. "And I want our other two warriors to stay behind to protect him. That left Leliana and Zevran…I know it's probably selfish and unfair of me, and I know that I have no right…especially given the fact that I'm with Alistair." Her face became flushed with embarrassment as she whispered, "but I don't like the way she keeps throwing herself at you and I don't like the way she looks at you."

Cullen couldn't contain the grin that spread across his face. She was jealous, Maker help him, she actually cared about him enough to be jealous of Leliana's advances. She was right, of course, it wasn't fair for her to be with Alistair but not want him to have anyone else, but he couldn't help but be flattered.

Serena must have mistaken his smile for something else, because she added, "Oh come on, Cullen. You had to have noticed the way she acts when you're around."

"Yes, I've noticed. I would have to be blind not to." He decided to add fuel to the fire to see how she would react. "In fact, she kissed me last night before I came back to check on you."

The young mage's face went from being flushed from embarrassment to being red with rage. "Fine!" she shouted. "If she's who you want, then go for it. Who am I to tell you what to do?"

She started to stomp away, but Cullen grabbed her by the arm and pulled her in close. She tried to jerk away, but he held on tighter. "Serena." He said quietly. She continued to struggle. "Serena…look at me." He demanded. She looked up at him with furious tears in her eyes. He brushed her hair back and gazed at her lovingly.

"I never said that I wanted her." He whispered. "because I don't. There is only room in my heart for one woman and it isn't Leliana. Even if I can't be with you, I will never stop loving you. I would rather be alone than be with anyone else."

She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Why couldn't you have told me all of this when we actually had a chance, Cullen?" she asked, her ire turning to sadness.

He gently wiped the tears from her eyes. "I always told myself that it was because of my duty, but that was a lie. I didn't say anything because I was afraid. I was afraid that you would reject me, laugh at me and I couldn't have lived with knowing without a doubt that you didn't feel anything for me. I was a fool, Serena. A fact that I regret every day of my life."

She hugged him tightly for a moment before circling and walking away without another word. Cullen closed his eyes and drew a ragged breath. He knew that he had revealed too much to her, but he couldn't help it. Seeing her angry with him was more than he could bear. He hung his head and made his way back to the empty cottage where he had left his things the night before.

When he got there, he found his armor, shining brightly, lying on the table in the main room of the house. He guessed that Leliana had not only taken the time to remove all of the grime, but went to the trouble of polishing it as well. He felt a little guilty for not telling her the truth about his feelings, but he didn't want to hurt her.

He searched through some of the drawers in the room until he found a piece of paper and quill and ink well. He scribbled a short note, thanking the rogue for the favor she had done for him. He then packed his things and donned his armor, leaving the note in its place. Finally he put his sword in its sheath at his back before walking out the door.

It was late afternoon before they started for Redcliffe. Serena hadn't said a word to him since their encounter in the village and walked several paces ahead as they made their way down the mountain trail. By the time they reached the bottom and got to the main road, the sun had started to set. They found a clearing a few miles down the line and stopped to camp for the night.

Morrigan set up her tent away from the others, as usual. Zevran tried to make conversation, but the awkwardness that had developed between Cullen and Serena caused the elf to give up rather quickly. The silence was deafening as they ate their evening meal and everyone turned in rather early for the night afterward.

Cullen lay in his tent staring at the canvas but seeing nothing and cursing himself for what he had said earlier. He heard the sharp snap of a twig just outside his shelter so he grabbed for his sword. He was getting ready to gut whoever it was that had approached, when he heard Serena whisper. "Cullen, can I speak to you?"

His muscles relaxed as he blew out the air that had caught in his lungs. He rolled over on his side and grabbed his clothes. "Sure, just give me a minute to get dressed."

He quickly slipped on his shirt and trousers before crawling out of the tent. Serena was standing right outside of it, gazing up at the stars.

"It's a beautiful night." she observed.

He got up and stood next to her. "Yes, it is."

She circled to face him and flashed an apprehensive smile. "I'm sorry…about earlier."

He shook his head. "Don't be…I should be the one to apologize. I am sorry if what I said made you uncomfortable. That wasn't my intention."

"I know that." She assured him. She glanced down at her boots and closed her eyes for a few seconds. She sighed heavily and took his hands into hers. She studied them for just a moment as if trying to find the right words to say. She peered up at him again, her sapphire blue eyes filled with sorrow and resoluteness. "We both know how we feel about each other, Cullen, and we both know that we can never act on those feelings. I think the best thing for us to do is to try to put all of that aside and just focus on what needs to be done."

"You're right." He agreed. "I think that we should probably just pretend that we never had that conversation and move on…start fresh in the morning."

She smiled with her lips, but it didn't go as far as her forlorn eyes. "Okay, we'll start over in the morning. Like it never happened." She whispered. "And neither did this." She pulled his face toward hers and placed her mouth over his. Unlike the soft, tender kisses they had shared before, this kiss was desperate and full of desire and passion. Their tongues snaked together and explored each other's mouths. He ran his left hand to the small of her back, while the fingers of the right became entangled in her hair. She kept her right hand on his cheek while the left circled around his waist. He moved his lips from hers and kissed down her neck. He sucked softly at her warm flesh and she moaned at the sensation. His manhood struggled against his already too tight trousers, begging for release. He placed his hands on her buttocks and pulled her in closer so she could feel his excitement as he moved his mouth to her earlobe.

"Serena." He murmured into her ear. She responded by pulling his head closer to her. She pulled his mouth to hers again and kissed it hungrily. She took hold of his right hand and guided it up to her breast. He ran his thumb across the hard nipple beneath it and she shuddered.

"I want to stay with you tonight." she whispered in his ear.

He closed his eyes and kissed her one final time before pulling away. "Serena…I can't. Trust me when I tell you that I am so very tempted, but Alistair is my brother and my best friend. If we do this, it will be a betrayal of the worst kind, and I don't think that either one of us would ever be able to look at ourselves in the mirror again."

He gently placed his hands on her cheeks and stared into her sapphire eyes. "I love you. You are the most important thing in the world to me, but I know in my heart that if you stay the night with me tonight, you will hate me in the morning and I couldn't live with that." He bent down and kissed her on the forehead before turning and reentering his tent. He listened as she walked away slowly before covering his eyes with his forearm.

He knew that he did the right thing, the only thing that he could do, but it didn't make it any easier. As hard as he tried, he could not go to sleep that night. When he saw the morning sun shining through the canvas that surrounded him, he sighed, dreading the repercussions of what took place the night before and knowing that things between him and his love would never be the same.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I apologize, gentle readers, for it taking me so long to post this chapter. I have been battling the flu for the past four days, and could not find the strength, energy or creativity to write. I finally completed it this morning and posted as soon as I finished proofing it. I hope that it was worth the wait, and as always I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

"Good morning." Serena sang cheerfully when Cullen had exited his tent.

"Good morning." He answered confusedly.

He had expected that Serena wouldn't speak to him at all that day. He assumed that it would be completely awkward given what had happened between them the night before. Apparently, Serena decided to make good on their agreement that they would just pretend that none of it ever happened. In the morning light, Cullen wasn't sure how he felt about that. The logical part of his brain told him that it was better if they both dealt with it that way, but his heart wasn't sure it could handle the strain of her pretending that there was nothing more than friendship between them.

For the rest of the day, she was cheerful and warm whenever she spoke to him, a little too cheerful as it turned out. Zeveran even questioned if something happened between them after everyone turned in the night before, and Cullen wasn't sure the elf entirely believed him when he said that nothing had. It became painfully obvious that Serena was trying too hard to make everything go back to normal, but he wasn't sure what to do about it other than just give it a few days to blow over.

With the exception of Morrigan, the next four days became more than uncomfortable for everyone, and by the end of the trip even the witch was beginning to feel the strain. Serena's mock buoyancy had turned into downright bitchiness. She had become short tempered and moody and would snap at them all for the least little thing. On top of that, Cullen had run out of lyrium potions which put him on edge as well.

The day before they reached Redcliffe, it all came to a head. Cullen had been without his drug for two days and with Serena's attitude he had been reluctant to ask her if she had a spare potion. When he awoke that morning, he found himself shaking in a pool of sweat with one of the most tremendous headaches he had ever had in his life. He fumbled through getting dressed and when he crawled out of his tent, the strain of the effort was more than his body could handle. He ended up blacking out right outside of his tent for Maker knew how long, and was brought out of it by Serena yelling at him to get his worthless ass up. She actually accused him of being drunk and said she knew the signs of it because she had put up with it from Oghren for months. Zevran tried to talk her down, but she would hear none of it, and at that moment, Cullen was feeling too nauseous and dizzy to argue.

She yelled at him throughout breakfast, which he promptly vomited up, and then through breaking camp. When they finally got back on the road, she complained that he was slowing them down. A few miles later, after fending off a pack of hungry wolves, she actually screamed at him for almost getting them all killed. He had barely been able to see and could scarcely lift his sword which allowed one of the beasts to get past him and attack the young mage. Even in his confused state, her words cut him to the bone. He managed to walk away from her, to allow her to calm down, and also to keep himself from saying something he would regret. Mercifully, Zevran had neglected to release a trap which caught on the back of her boot, and she turned her ire on him for the rest of the afternoon.

That night, when they made camp, Serena was fuming so badly that she didn't speak to anyone or even eat. As soon as it was set up, she entered her tent and didn't come out. Morrigan, as usual, made her own fire away from the others. Zevran ate alone and in silence while Cullen lay on the ground next to their fire shaking profusely, alternating between cold chills and hot flashes. He had only experienced lyrium withdrawal one other time, and that was when he was trapped by blood mages at the tower. With so many other, much more horrific tortures wracking his body and mind, he had hardly noticed any difference. At that particular moment, however, he was being consumed by it.

Then horrible thoughts began to form in his addled brain. Why was Serena so angry with him and why did she automatically assume the worst from him? He could be dying for all she knew, and all she could do was accuse him of being drunk or hungover. She didn't even care enough to ask him what was wrong, if he was okay. It was obvious she didn't share his feelings. Maybe that's what all of this was about…sexual frustration. She needed sex and he was just convenient. He began to sob loudly. He couldn't stop himself. The woman he loved saw him as a toy that she wanted to use only for her own pleasure without thought or regard for his feelings. He began choking on his wretched tears when he felt a hand shaking his shoulder. He turned over slowly expecting to see Serena and knowing that she was about to berate him again. Instead, his gaze was met by angry yellow-brown eyes.

"Here!" Morrigan snapped as she shoved a bottle of lyrium at his chest. "I can no longer stand to listen to you wailing and carrying on like an infant."

Cullen, still shaking and trying to hold back his emotions, gulped hard and looked up at the apostate with grateful eyes. "Th…thank you." He stammered breathlessly.

As he began to take the potion from her, Morrigan pulled it back and glared at him. "On one condition….I do not care if you talk to her, bed her or beat her. The Warden's attitude had better be much improved on the morrow or I swear on the head of every child in Thedas, I will gut you both."

Cullen nodded excitedly. He wasn't sure what he could do to make Serena act reasonably, but at that moment he didn't care. He would have agreed to march into the Tevinter Imperium and single-handedly cut down every mage in the country to get his hands on that bottle. Morrigan thrust it back at him and he quickly grabbed it and removed the cork. He hungrily drank down the entire thing like a man who had been lost in the desert without water for a week. He immediately felt the surge of magic warm his veins. Within ten minutes, he had stopped sweating and the shakes were almost gone entirely. He actually felt human for the first time in two days.

He vaguely recalled passing a small stream right before they made camp, so he grabbed his pack and set off in search to find it. His clothes were sticking to him from perspiration and he knew that he would not go near Serena in that condition. As he made his way through the grove of trees that grew around the water, his brain wandered back to the thoughts he had while in the throes of detoxification. Could it really be true? Did she really care so little about him? Then he thought about what she almost said in the Gauntlet and the way she looked at him sometimes when she thought nobody else would notice. He thought about the pain in her eyes when she said that they didn't have a future because she loved his brother. No…there was definitely something there.

When he came to the other side of the grove, he realized that what he thought had been a stream was actually a small pond. His original plan had been to just do a quick wash, but even given the coolness of the night air, he quickly decided that he would rather just have a full-out bath. He hurriedly removed his boots and clothing, grabbed a bar of soap from his pack and began wading into the water. It was freezing. He hastily worked his way to the middle of the pond and then immersed the rest of his body, holding his nose on the way down. When he emerged, the water felt much warmer, but the slight breeze blowing around him made his body tremble a bit. He promptly lathered up and washed his hair, then submerged himself to rinse. When he came back up, he was startled by the sound of a voice coming from the bank.

"I thought you could probably use a towel." Serena explained.

Cullen blushed brightly and wondered if she could tell in the dark. "Th…thank you." He stuttered.

"You know, that actually looks like a brilliant idea." She smiled as she began removing her boots. "Do you mind if I join you?"

_Maker's breath_. He thought as he turned his gaze to somewhere behind him. "I was just finishing up. I can get out and give you some privacy if you like." He offered.

"Nonsense." she replied. "We're both adults, nothing either of us has never seen before, right?"

Cullen gulped. He had actually never seen a woman's naked body before, and even if he had, this was Serena they were talking about. He tried to calm his breathing when he heard the water splash as she entered.

"Andraste's ass this is cold." She cried as she made her way toward him.

_Keep it together Cullen. _He told himself. _Everything will be fine if you just don't look. If you just keep your head do-._

SPLASH!

He heard her go under right behind his back. He felt her as she moved around and came up right in front of him, her full breasts barely covered in water. If it hadn't been dark he knew that he would have been able to have a full view of them. Much to his chagrin, he felt his manhood rise uncontrollably so he backed away a step praying that she wouldn't notice.

"Do you mind if I borrow your soap for a few minutes?" she asked cheerfully.

"No." he squeaked. He coughed and repeated the word in a lower tone. "No."

_This is a dream. None of this is real. The lyrium withdrawals made me pass out and this is all a dream._

Serena soaped up her skin and hair and then grimaced at him. "Would you mind washing my back for me Cullen? It's usually Alistair's job, so I haven't had it washed properly in a while." She turned her back to him and offered the bar of soap from over her shoulder. She glanced back. "Please?" she pouted.

_Yep, it's a dream. That's what it is alright._ He thought as he stepped forward and touched her back, being careful not to let her feel his erection. But if it was a dream, then maybe he could…no he couldn't. He still wasn't entirely sure it was a hallucination. However, she was acting completely opposite of how she had been behaving for days. It had to be a dream. He started to step forward to take advantage of the vision when she spoke up.

"I just wanted you to know," she began seriously, "that I am very, very sorry about the way I've treated you over the past few days. It was unfair and uncalled for."

He quickly retreated back another step. _Maker, this is real. She's really here, and we're both really naked. Andraste help me._ He prayed.

She circled to meet his eyes again, soap still bubbling in her hair. Her face was distraught. "So you aren't going to speak to me at all?" The dim moonlight glistened in the tears that were beginning to form in her eyes. "I guess I can't blame you."

The look on her face was enough to break his heart. "It's n..not that. I forgive you, Serena. It's just…" His voice trailed off as he stared into her sapphire eyes.

"What?" her voice was desperate for an answer. "I'm so sorry that I didn't ask you what was wrong. I should have recognized the signs of lyrium withdrawal, but instead I accused you of being like Oghren. I had no right to do that. You've never ever given me a reason to believe you would do such a thing."

She stepped toward him and he tried to back away but his foot had become stuck in the mire below. He felt his raging manhood make contact with her bare belly and it jumped.

"Oh." She said with surprise. Her eyes widened in comprehension. "Oh my." She took a step back and bit her lip obviously trying to stifle a grin.

"I apologize." He groaned with embarrassment. "I…I…" His voice trailed off. He couldn't think of any explanation that didn't sound completely lecherous. He felt the tip of her index finger on his chin as she lifted his face so she could see his eyes.

"It's okay, Cullen…really. There's no need to be embarrassed. It's kind of a natural reaction and I find it quite flattering."

Her words were not helping to put him at ease, in fact he was finding the situation becoming more uncomfortable by the minute. "I think that I'm going to head back to camp now." He mumbled.

She seemed disappointed, but nodded her understanding. "Okay…I think I'll stay for a little while longer, if that's alright."

"Sure." he answered.

He briefly wondered how he was going to get to his clothes without her seeing him. In answer to his unspoken question, she winked. "Don't worry, I'll turn my head."

He smiled at her with relief and sighed before turning and wading out of the pool. Once he was back on dry land, he circled around and thought he noticed her head jerk. He quickly put on his smalls, socks, white shirt and brown trousers. He threw on his boots without lacing them, figuring that he could tie them once he was further into the trees and away from the water. On his way back to camp, he found himself softly whistling a tune that he knew was Serena's favorite; at least it had been at the tower.

He hadn't even gotten both feet in the clearing of their camp when Zevran approached him.

"Is everything all better now?" the elf asked.

"Everything's fine." Cullen answered with a bright smile.

A coy grin played at the corners of the rogue's lips. "And our lovely Warden? How does she fare?"

"Nothing happened between us, if that's what you're asking Zev. We just talked."

"Ahh, I love those talks, in the arms of a beautiful woman…or man, depending on my mood of course." He smirked.

Cullen rolled his eyes. "It's not like that and you know it. She's with Alistair, not me."

The elf elbowed Cullen's arm playfully. "Well, I don't see Alistair anywhere about. So there is nothing stopping the two of you from…doing the deed shall we say."

The templar sighed in frustration. "We're friends, Zev, friends. Not friends with benefits, just friends."

Zevran shook his head and tsked. "Such a shame…I've seen the way you look at each other and I witnessed your…friendly encounter a few nights ago." Cullen opened his mouth to protest, but the elf held up his hand. "No, no…I know what I saw, but I am not one to judge. It is your business and there is no need to worry, I will not tell anyone…you know, unless I am tortured…or threatened with torture…then maybe."

Cullen had to laugh at his friend. Zevran was definitely one of a kind. "So, do I have you or Morrigan to thank for telling Serena what happened?"

The elf examined his fingernails. "I might have mentioned…something, just in passing of course."

"Of course."

He smirked. "As much as I cherish our dear lady's friendship, after her demeanor today, I must say that I quite enjoyed making her feel like the tail end of a halla when I told her."

"I love you too, Zev." Serena's voice made both men jump.

Cullen's breath was completely taken away when he turned to look at her. She was wearing a white linen shirt that barely covered what the good Maker gave her on the bottom. The garment clung to her still slightly damp body revealing her black small clothes and the fact that she wore no breast band around her voluptuous bosom. Her dark wet hair was tousled in a sexy haphazard way as it clung to her face and neck here and there and her freshly cleaned skin seemed to glow in the firelight. He was happy that he had chosen to wear a loose shirt that covered his crotch, because he found his manhood once again standing at attention at the site of her.

She smirked at the two men who were so obviously admiring her. "Goodnight, boys." she said with a flirtatious grin.

Once Serena had crawled into her tent, Cullen realized that his shirt hadn't been loose enough when he circled to see Zevran staring at his crotch with a smile on his face. The elf crossed his arms and peered up at the templar.

"You know, I can take care of that if you like." He offered with a raised brow.

Cullen laughed nervously. "Um…I appreciate the offer, Zev, but I think I'll pass."

The rogue sighed. "Ah well, story of my life it seems. Maybe when we get to Redcliffe I will look up an old friend of mine. He's a servant in the castle, and as I recall, very talented with his tongue."

Cullen chuckled. "Well, good luck with that."

"Luck has nothing to do with it." An awkward silence fell between the two men. "Well, goodnight my friend." Zevran finally said with a slight bow of his head.

Cullen gave him a short wave of the hand. "Goodnight, Zev. See you in the morning."

Once he saw that the elf was securely in his tent, Cullen sat down in front of the fire to take first watch. At that point, he wasn't even sure that anyone would be relieving him that night since it hadn't been discussed at all. It really didn't matter at that point anyway. One of the advantages of taking lyrium for someone who wasn't a mage was the adrenaline rush it gave you. Most templars could easily run on just one or two hours of sleep for days at a time without it having any effect. Cullen found early on that he could easily be without sleep for at least two days before exhaustion really set in and with the amount of lyrium he had taken earlier, he probably wouldn't be able to sleep that night even if he wanted to.

A few hours later, he heard a rustling coming from the direction of Serena's tent and turned just in time to see her crawling out. She slipped on her boots and threw a blanket around her shoulders before coming to sit next to him.

"It's time for my watch." She yawned. "Why don't you try to get some sleep?"

Cullen shrugged as he poked at the fire. "I'm not really tired. You can go back to bed if you like. I'll just stay up for the night."

Serena continued to stare at the flames. "Well, do you mind if I sit with you for a while?"

He shook his head. "Not at all. In fact, I think I'd rather enjoy the company."

She scooted closer to him and leaned her head against his big shoulder. They sat like that for quite a long while before either spoke. Serena finally broke the comfortable silence.

"I want to apologize again for being such a tremendous ass."

Cullen betrayed no emotion as he spoke. "Well, everyone's entitled to be a tremendous ass every now and again, I guess it was just your turn." She jabbed an elbow into his ribs. He rubbed his side as if she had hurt him. "Hey now." He laughed. "You're the tremendous ass here, not me."

She looked up into his eyes and wrinkled her nose. "Very cute."

He tweaked it playfully. "If you keep making that face, it's going to get stuck that way. And I gotta tell you…not a good look for you." She beamed brightly up at him. "Much better." He told her. "That's a face I wouldn't mind seeing all of the time."

He put his hand up to touch her cheek, but quickly returned it to his side. It was taking every bit of strength he had not to kiss her. He knew that if he did and she made the same offer she had a few nights before, he would not be able to turn her down again. He turned his attention back to the fire and she snuggled up close. His breath became ragged and shallow at having her so near. _Maker, give me strength. _He prayed.

Cullen had figured out over the course of their trip that his anger toward the Maker had been misdirected. After all, it wasn't the fault of the Maker that the people who molded and shaped his life were liars and hypocrites. Just because the Chantry was the voice of the Almighty didn't mean that everyone who lived and worked within the Chantry always followed His laws. Still, where his faith had been infallible before, there were some things he had begun to question. After being held prisoner by maleficarum, he knew without a doubt that there were evil mages in the world. The problem was that he had always been told that all mages were inherently evil, but now his eyes had been opened to the possibility that what the Chantry and the Order taught may not be a universal truth. Some mages were actually good and decent, like Serena and Wynn. Others, like Uldred, were evil incarnate. Still others, like Morrigan, stood somewhere in the middle. The conclusion that he was drawing was that mages were just people who happened to be born with the ability to wield magic. It was what they chose to do with that magic that defined them. His newfound enlightenment made him question even more whether he could ever go back to the Order, but at that moment it didn't matter. He was traveling with the last surviving Grey Wardens in Ferelden trying to stop the blight. That was what was important.

"Have you ever wondered what would have happened if Jowan hadn't tried to escape and Uldred hadn't done what he did?" he heard a sleepy voice ask from below. He sighed. He actually wondered that quite often. If Serena hadn't been conscripted, if life at the Tower had just continued in its normal everyday routine, what would have happened? Would he have ever had the courage to get close to her or would he simply have continued admiring her and loving her from afar. Would the beliefs that the Chantry had ingrained in him ever have allowed him to be with her?

He felt her shiver and he slipped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her in closer to his side. She wrapped her arm around his waist and laid her head on his chest. He kissed the top of her head lightly before finally answering her question.

"If fate hadn't intervened the way it did, I honestly don't believe that I would have ever gotten to know the most wonderful person I have ever met in my life. As often as I saw you at the Tower, I never really knew who you were. I thank the Maker every day that he gave me this chance. I only wish…" His voice trailed off.

"Cullen?" Her voice was barely audible making it obvious that she was drifting off. "Have I told you that you're my best friend?" Before he could answer her question he recognized her subtle, quiet snoring, telling him that she had fallen asleep. He reached up and brushed her hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear before kissing the top of her head again.

"Goodnight, my love." He whispered. "Sleep well."


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N- I once again must apologize for the amount of time it has taken me to post this chapter. Now that the holidays are over and everyone in my house is healthy again, I hope that the rest of the story will go much more smoothly. Thank you to everyone who has favorited and followed Cullen's Story. I cannot express how good it feels as a writer to know that there are people like you who enjoy my work. Thank you as well to those of you who have left reviews. As always, they are much welcomed and appreciated.**

When they arrived at Redcliffe castle the next afternoon, they were immediately greeted by Bann Teagan in the main hall.

"Welcome, my lady. It's nice to see you again."

Serena bowed her head slightly. "Thank you, my lord; a pleasure as always."

The nobleman smiled and raised his hand in protest. "Please, call me Teagan. After all we have been through together I see no need for such formalities."

"If that is your wish Teagan, but only if you agree to call me Serena."

The bann chuckled. "Of course, dear lady…Serena" He peered at the door behind her. "But where is the rest of your group? Where is Alistair?" he asked with furrowed brows.

The young mage kept her voice calm as she answered the man's questions. "We ran into a bit of trouble in our efforts to retrieve the ashes and Alistair was injured in the process." She held up a hand so he would not interrupt and smiled at him genially in order to belay his fears. She knew that the arl had raised Alistair, at least until he was ten. "He is going to be fine, but he needed some time to recover. He asked me to come ahead of him so that we could get the ashes to the arl as quickly as possible."

Teagan's eyes went wide. "The ashes?" he asked excitedly. "You actually found the ashes of Andraste?" Serena nodded and the bann's face broke into a wide grin. "Why this is glorious news, my friend, glorious news!" he cried, grabbing both of her hands and shaking them heartily. "We must get them to Eamon right away." He looked around for a moment and his eyes landed on a nearby guard. "Gates!" he called.

A soldier who had been taking up space along the wall behind the bann quickly approached the nobleman, clapped his fist to his heart and gave a curt nod. "Yes, my lord!"

The bann's voice took on the air of authority that he had become accustomed to using when dealing with his brother's guards. "Take two more men, spread out and search the castle for Lady Isolde. When you find her, please inform her that the Warden has returned with the sacred ashes and we have gone to administer them to the arl."

There was another short bow from the uniformed man. "Yes, my lord!"

Teagan turned his attention back to Serena. "Now then, Serena, if you and your companions would care to follow me, we will head for Eamon's chambers now."

Without waiting for a response, the nobleman circled around and briskly began heading for the stairs to the second floor. Serena and her friends followed closely behind, so as not to get lost in the private areas of the castle. When they reached the arl's room, the older man was still lying on his bed looking exactly the same as he did when they had left the castle over a month ago. Cullen wondered to himself how it was possible that the man could have gone so long without food or water. He pondered as to what kind of spell could possibly suspend a man's life like that. His thoughts were interrupted by the grating sounds of Lady Isolde's voice as the woman entered the room.

"Tea-gan!" she cried in her thick Orlesian accent. "One of the guards told me that the Urn of Sacred Ashes had been found and that the Warden brought it back with her to heal Eamon."

"Well, only a pinch m'lady." Serena told her. "But, yes, we were just about to get started."

"Then what are you waiting for?" the noblewoman asked in a huff. "Administer the cure."

The young mage circled to face the comatose arl again and Cullen saw her roll her eyes in exasperation. "Do you have a glass vial, Teagan?"

"How dare you talk to him in that manner? He is a noble and you are a commoner, yes?" The arlessa demanded.

"After everything she has done for us, Isolde, I would say she has earned the right."

"Hmph." the lady groused while crossing her arms. Cullen saw her glaring daggers into the back of Serena's head. If he hadn't known better, he would have sworn that the arlessa was jealous over her brother-in-law.

Serena ignored Isolde as she set to work readying the cure for Eamon. She carefully poured the contents of the leather pouch into the small glass container that the bann had located for her in a drawer of the bedside table. As the ashes spilled into the vial, everyone seemed to be holding their breath for fear that some would be blown about or spilled. Once the sac had been emptied, the young mage squeezed the arl's cheeks together just enough to get the open end of the bottle between his front teeth. When she was sure that the container was properly in place, Serena carefully tilted the end and slowly emptied its contents into the nobleman's mouth.

The six observers watched with bated breath, waiting to see if the ashes were the cure that the arlessa had hoped they would be. Five minutes passed with no change, then another five. After fifteen minutes, disappointment began to set in around the room. It seemed that the miracle they had all hoped for had come too late. Serena, who was still sitting on the bed at the arl's side, bowed her head low and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she started to turn to the others to speak the words that they were all thinking when she noticed a twitch in Eamon's thumb. A relieved smile began to spread across her face as she took his hand.

"My lord? Can you hear me?" she asked.

The arl's chest rose and fell heavily before his eyes slowly opened to see the young woman sitting next to him. A look of confusion spread across his face as he slowly blinked at the stranger.

"Who are you?" he asked in a raspy voice. "What's happening?"

The arlessa shoved Serena to the side so hard that she nearly knocked the mage to the floor.

"Eamon!" she cried through happy tears. "You are alive my husband!"

"Isolde?" he queried as she threw her arms around his neck.

The noblewoman took his bearded face in her hands and grinned widely at him. "Oh Eamon," she sniffed. "I was so afraid I had lost you."

The arl shook his head. "But what is happening, my love? The last thing that I remember is lying down after dinner because I wasn't feeling well. Yet it seems that I have been away forever."

Isolde placed her hands in her lap and looked down at them in shame. "Oh, Eamon…it is all my fault. There is so much to tell you, dear husband, and I am not sure where to begin."

"It does not matter right now, Isolde." Teagan interrupted. "What's important is that my brother lives. This is cause for celebration. We must let the people know that their arl is safe and well." He turned to Serena and her companions. "And that we have this Grey Warden and her friends to thank for it."

The arl looked past his wife at the young mage who was standing behind her. "Grey Warden? But I thought that they were all at Ostagar with Cailan."

A sad frown replaced Serena's smile as she peered down at the floor. She turned to her companions. "Perhaps we should leave so the three of them can have some privacy."

Bann Teagan nodded and called for one of the guards that were standing watch outside the arl's room. "Coghlan, escort our guests to the dining hall and inform the servants to prepare a meal for them. I will be down shortly."

The soldier clapped his fist to his heart and gave a curt bow of his head before circling to the door. Serena and her party followed him as he led them down the stairs. Once they were in the dining room and the guardsman had taken his leave, they each found a seat along the sides of the long wooden table in the middle of the room. In what seemed like a matter of minutes, plates of meats, cheeses and vegetables were being laid out before them along with tureens of soups and hearty stews, bowls of fruit and baskets of fresh bread slices and rolls. To drink, they had their choice of kegs of ale, several bottles of wine, carafes of varying fruit juices, pots of hot tea and pitchers of water. Looking at the vast amount of food on the table, Cullen thought to himself that it was enough to feed the whole Order of Denerim for an entire day, let alone the four of them. He wondered briefly if the servants were allowed to have whatever was left over and felt a little guilty that they had gone to so much trouble just for them. He couldn't even imagine what it would be like to be a noble or royalty and have a banquet like that spread out before him every day. Meals in the Chantry and at the tower were much simpler affairs with little to no choice in what there was to eat. To his mind, all of this fanfare seemed overdone and wasteful.

He ate in silence as he watched Serena pick at her food. He was well aware of the fact that the mention of Ostagar had upset her greatly. She had a sad, haunted expression on her face that made Cullen want to just hold her in his arms until she felt better. In all of the time that he had been travelling with Serena's group and in all of the conversations they had together, she never talked about what happened in that wretched place beyond the occasional mention of Loghain's betrayal. He couldn't even hope to guess what it must have been like for her.

She had spent almost her entire life at the tower, never even being allowed to go outside, only to be given to the Wardens to save her from Greagoir's wrath after following the First Enchanter's orders the day after her Harrowing. After that she was led from her completely sheltered existence straight into a battle where hundreds of much more seasoned soldiers and her king were slaughtered by the foulest creatures imaginable. Then, to top it all off, she now bore the burden of being responsible for the fate of mankind. She really did have the weight of the world bearing down on her shoulders. As he sat there watching her, Cullen finally realized that the young Circle mage he knew and adored from afar when they were at the tower was gone. She had been replaced by a strong, capable soldier who stood by her principles and convictions and whose life revolved around her duty to the people of Thedas. He also came to the realization that the feelings he had felt for the naïve girl had been supplanted by a deep, unwavering love and devotion to the woman that she had become.

His thoughts were interrupted by Bann Teagan as the nobleman entered the room. "I can't thank you enough, my friends for what you have done for my brother." He announced excitedly. "The arl has been examined by his personal physicians and it looks like he will make a full recovery. In fact, it seems that he will be completely back to normal by the day's end."

Serena stood at the news, beaming brightly, and threw her arms around the bann in a celebratory hug. At first, the nobleman seemed taken aback, but recovered his bearings quickly as his already smiling face broke into an even wider grin. Serena gave Teagan a quick peck on the cheek.

"I can't tell you how glad I am to hear that he is going to be alright." She chimed. "Alistair will be so happy when he finds out."

The bann chuckled and gave a slight bow to her. "Thank you again my lady. When you are finished with your meal, it would be an honor if you would allow me to give you and your companions a tour of the castle."

"Of course, Bann Teagan." Serena replied. "We would love to have you show us around."

Morrigan gave a small cough and stood. "If you don't mind, I am more interested in finding a place where I can freshen up. We have been on the road for quite a number of days and I would like to wash the dust from my hair."

The nobleman nodded at the witch's request and gave direction for one of the elven servants standing nearby to show her to the guest chambers. Zevran, who had already finished his meal beforehand and had busied himself flirting with one of the male elves asked to be excused as well.

"And will you be joining us, Ser, or will it just be the Warden and I?" Teagan asked Cullen.

The templar gave a curt bow of his head. "It would be my pleasure to accompany you and the Warden, my lord."

The bann returned the bow with a smile. "Shall we get started then?"

Serena nodded her agreement as the nobleman offered his arm to her. They exited the dining room together into an adjacent hallway, Cullen falling in step behind them. After a few minutes of listening to the bann explaining the history of the castle, Cullen's mind began to wander to nothing in particular. He really had no interest in hearing about tapestries and paintings and long dead ancestors of the arl. In fact, he began to tune Teagan's words out on purpose when the nobleman began talking about his sister, Queen Rowan. Even though the young templar was no longer angry, he still held no love for the queen who had torn him from his mother and sent him to the Chantry upon his birth. Teagan was too busy speaking to Serena to even notice him anyway. Serena, on the other hand was completely enthralled by the bann's explanations. Cullen guessed that it probably had more to do with the fact that she was interested in where Alistair had spent his childhood than anything else.

That was actually another reason that Cullen couldn't make himself care about the castle. He knew that his best friend had spent his time in Redcliffe sleeping on the cold hard ground of the stables and not in the arl's palatial home. When Alistair was in the castle, most of the time it was acting as a servant. After hearing all of his brother's stories about Redcliffe, Cullen often wondered if the arl's charity toward the bastard prince was given more out of punishment than kindness. Alistair never saw it that way, of course, but children often have a way of turning a blind eye to what is obvious to most everyone else.

They were most of the way through the tour, when they came upon the door to the arl's private study. Suddenly, an annoying, whiny voice with an Orlesian accent assaulted Cullen's ears.

"Tea-gan" the arlessa cried as she ran up to them. "I need your help. One of the servants put an arrangement of Andraste's Grace in the grand hall. You know that I do not like those flowers and have made it abundantly clear that they should never be brought into the castle. I think one of them did it on purpose just to upset me. I have gathered all of the servants in the dining hall to question them, but none will give me a straight answer or reveal who the culprit is. You must come with me Teagan. If you question them, I am sure that they will tell _you_ who did it."

"Of course, Isolde." The bann replied as he opened the door to the study. "I will be right there."

"Hurry Tea-gan." She whined. "This is urgent."

The nobleman smiled apologetically at Serena and Cullen as he ushered them into the small room. "I will return shortly if you do not mind waiting here."

"Of course." Serena responded with a small nod. The bann turned and closed the door behind him and Cullen could hear Isolde complaining about how Teagan had been holding the Warden's arm.

Serena chuckled and shook her head. "If I didn't know any better, I would say there's something going on between those two."

Cullen snorted. "You know, I was thinking the exact same thing."

"I bet it makes for some juicy gossip around here though."

"I imagine."

She lowered her voice slightly. "And is it just me, or does that woman have the most annoying voice in all of Thedas?"

"Oh, I know exactly what you mean." Cullen replied. He raised the pitch of his voice and gave it a nasally tone as he mocked the arlessa with a horrible Orlesian accent. "Tea-gan!" he cried which caused Serena to cover her mouth with her finger to let him know to keep his voice down as they both fell into fits of laughter.

The two of them spent the next half hour laughing and talking about the arlessa and the bann's relationship and just the annoyance of the arlessa in general before Serena glanced at the large grandfather clock standing against the wall. Her face went from jovial to annoyed when she realized they had been stuck in that room for so long.

"That's it." She announced and immediately began opening drawers.

"What in the Maker's name are you doing, Serena?" Cullen asked as he glanced back at the door in panic. "Somebody's going to come in here and think that we're trying to steal something."

The young mage continued her rummaging through the arl's desk. "I have always found that the best way to get someone to show up is to start snooping through their private things." She said matter-of-factly. She suddenly stopped her assault and lifted a long gold chain from the middle drawer. At the end of it, there hung a small gold amulet that looked like it had once been smashed to bits and subsequently been carefully glued back together. There was something very familiar about the necklace.

Cullen walked around the desk and held out his hand. "May I see that?" he asked.

Serena dropped it into his palm and Cullen turned the amulet over to look at the back. He then reached under his armor and pulled out an almost exact replica of it. The only difference between the two pieces of jewelry was that Cullen's didn't contain the fine lines of breakage that the other one did.

Serena gasped. "That must be Alistair's. The one he threw against the wall when he found out that Eamon was taking him to the Chantry."

Cullen nodded. It was definitely the same holy symbol of Andraste bearing the Theirin crest that he wore. His brother had told him the story about the amulet shortly after his arrival to the Chantry and Alistair had never seen Cullen's amulet due to the fact that the templar didn't receive it until right before he left for the tower.

"I wonder if the arl will allow me to return this to Alistair." Serena questioned as she took the necklace from Cullen's hand. Before he could answer, the sound of the door being opened interrupted their conversation and the arl himself appeared before them. Cullen quickly shoved his own amulet back under his armor.

"Oh, hello." The arl addressed them with some confusion. "You are the Grey Warden who saved my life, are you not?" he asked Serena.

"Yes, my lord." She replied with a bow. "We apologize for startling you, but Bann Teagan asked us to wait here while he took care of some urgent castle business."

The nobleman shook his head and chuckled. "Another one of Isolde's emergencies I imagine. She keeps the boy on his toes, I'll grant her that."

Cullen noticed Serena trying to suppress a giggle before she responded to Eamon's words. "Yes, my lord."

"Teagan tells me that you are romantically involved with my nephew." The arl stated casually.

"Your nephew?" she asked with puzzlement.

"Alistair." He explained. "Because he married my sister, I always thought of Maric as my brother. Since Alistair is his son that would make the boy my nephew."

"I see." The young mage responded. "And yes, Alistair and I are in a relationship."

"And what of your family, my dear?" he inquired. "Are you of noble lineage?"

Cullen found himself becoming very uncomfortable at the arl's line of questioning. He could see where the conversation was going and he suddenly began to feel very sorry for Serena.

She shrugged. "I was told once that my mother was a noblewoman in the Free Marches, but I don't remember her. I was sent to the Circle here in Ferelden when I was very young."

Eamon straightened his shoulders as he peered down at her haughtily. "So you are a mage then?"

"Yes, my lord." She replied. Cullen found himself both surprised and proud at how well she was taking the arl's scrutiny and obvious disapproval.

"You do know that with Cailan gone, Alistair is next in line for the throne."

"Yes, I realize that my lord."

Eamon looked her up and down before a knowing smile spread across his face. "Yes, well I can understand my nephew's fascination." He said quietly before giving her a quick nod of his head. "Be that as it may, I want to thank you for saving my life and the life of my son young lady. You have done my arling a great service and I shan't soon forget that."

"It was my pleasure to be of service, my lord." The young mage responded. She spoke as if she had been around nobility her entire life. Cullen wondered briefly if she learned the behavior from Alistair. He saw her look down at the necklace in her hand.

"My lord," she began. "I apologize for going through your things, but I was curious about this amulet. It once belonged to Alistair, did it not?"

"It belongs to him still." The arl corrected. "I have not seen Alistair in many years so I have not been granted the opportunity to return it to him, but how did you come to know about it?"

"He told me the story once of what happened when you…when he was sent to the Chantry."

"But how did you know that the amulet you hold in your hand was the one that belonged to him?"

Serena glanced up at Cullen. He pleaded to her with his eyes not to reveal his secret. She turned her attention back to Eamon. "He described it to me in great detail." She lied.

The nobleman regarded her suspiciously for a moment before turning his gaze to Cullen. "I am sorry, young man. I don't think we have been properly introduced."

Cullen bowed. "I am Knight-Corporal Cullen, my lord. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

"A templar." The arl said with some surprise. He remained silent as he seemed to try to comprehend the relationship between the two people standing before him. Whatever he was thinking he kept to himself and instead chose to ask Cullen a different question. "You look very familiar to me. Have we met before?"

Cullen smiled. "Yes my lord. In the Chantry in Denerim, but that was many years ago."

A look of realization crossed the nobleman's face. "Yes, you were that shy boy who was always tagging along after my nephew, weren't you? You were the one he sent to talk to me when he refused to see me the last time I tried to pay him a visit."

Cullen blushed slightly. "Yes, my lord." He remembered that meeting very well. Alistair sent him to tell the arl to, in his words, "sod off." Cullen's shyness barely allowed him to say anything to the nobleman, let alone that. He stammered through telling the arl that Alistair didn't want to see him as best he could, but he was angry with his friend for days for making him do it.

"I'm happy to see that you overcame that little stuttering problem you had." Eamon told him with a grin.

"Yes, my lord." Cullen answered as gracefully as he could.

Serena interrupted the exchange to the templar's great relief. "My lord, I was wondering if it would be okay with you if I gave the amulet back to Alistair."

The arl thought on her request for a few minutes before nodding his head. "Yes, you may return it to him. I hope he has forgiven me for my actions by now, but if he hasn't, perhaps that will help smooth things over a bit."

Serena smiled. "Thank you my lord."

The door opened once again and Bann Teagan entered the room. He grinned at the arl. "I am glad to see that you are up and about brother."

"Yes, I am feeling much better now, thank you Teagan."

The younger noble directed his attention to Serena and Cullen. "Shall we finish our tour now?" he asked, once again offering the mage his arm.

"Of course, my lord." She replied circling it with her own. For the next hour, Teagan directed them around the remainder of the castle and the grounds. By the time they finished and returned to the main hall, Isolde was up in arms yet again so the bann excused himself and directed one of the servants to lead Serena and Cullen to their rooms. When they departed from each other, Cullen decided that once he had freshened up, he would seek Serena out. After everything that had happened with the arl, he knew that she would need someone to talk to and he planned to make good on his promise to be there for her whenever she needed him.


	16. Chapter 16

Just as Cullen was finishing lacing up his boots, he heard a light knock on his door.

"Cullen," came Serena's muffled voice from the other side of the door, "may I come in?"

The templar tied his laces and quickly opened the door for her. He gestured with his free hand for her to enter. She crossed the room and sat on the side of his bed. He hardly had time to look at her when she buzzed by him, but now that she was settled he noticed that she had changed from her leather armor into a dress that he had never seen before. He guessed that it must have been something given to her by the arlessa to wear. The material of the garment was fine satin and its blue color matched the mage's eyes perfectly. It was simple, elegant and Serena made it absolutely breathtaking. The long sleeves started just below her bare shoulders and remained tight against her arms until they reached just above her wrists where they flared out and covered half of her delicate hands. The body of the dress fit snugly around her ample bosom and small waist and loosened only slightly from her hips to the hem at the floor. A silver rope belt that hung loosely at her hips and a delicate silver necklace bejeweled with a solitary teardrop shaped sapphire were the only adornments she wore with the outfit. Cullen looked down at his own clothes and felt rather shabby compared to the regal beauty that was now gracing his presence. He had been so taken with her new look that it took him a few moments to notice the sad expression on her face as she looked down at her hands.

He closed the door quietly before sitting down beside her. When she peered up at him, her sapphire eyes were glistening.

"Oh, Cullen." She began. "What was I thinking? What made me ever believe that my relationship with Alistair would work? He's going to be king and I'm a mage."

Cullen didn't speak, but took her right hand in his left and used the fingers of his other hand to wipe away the tears that had begun streaming down her cheeks.

"I should have broken it off the moment he told me that he was Maric's son." She continued. "Did you see the way Eamon looked at me? Did you see the disgust in his eyes when I told him that I'm a mage."

The templar swallowed back a lump in his throat. He hated seeing Serena like this. Every time she shed a tear he felt his heart breaking. He cupped her chin in his big hand. As she looked up at him with tear-filled eyes he was reminded of the fact that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. At that moment his whole world revolved around saying just the right words to make her smile again, even if meant saying something that would push her further into his brother's arms.

"Serena, I've known Alistair for a long time. He may act the fool at times, but he isn't one. I honestly don't believe that there is anything in this world that would cause him to leave you. He loves you, more than anything. Even if the two of you can never marry, that doesn't mean you can't be together."

She shook her head. "But if he is king, then he will need a queen, someone who can give him an heir."

Cullen shrugged and smiled at her. "So? I am sure that in the event he is forced to marry for that purpose, any prospective queen will be made to understand that it is to be a political arrangement only and if she doesn't agree, then he will simply choose a different woman."

The young mage's face became thoughtful for a moment as she took both of his hands into hers and stared at them. "I suppose being the king's mistress is still better than anything I could have ever hoped for before. As a Circle mage, I would have never been allowed to marry or have children anyway, but I'm just not sure that I'm willing to settle for that life."

She sighed as she put her arms around Cullen's waist and nuzzled in close to him. He wrapped his arms around her tightly as he felt her sobs begin in earnest. She grabbed the front of his shirt and buried her face in his chest.

"Why do things have to be so hard, Cullen?" Her voice was muffled as she asked the question between gut wrenching tears.

He stroked the hair at the back of her head and kissed her crown. "I don't know, Serena…I honestly don't know."

It seemed like hours before her tears finally subsided completely and there was nothing that Cullen could do for her but hold her as she worked through her sorrow. A glance to the clock on the mantle told him that it was way past time for the evening meal, but he wasn't hungry at all. The huge knot in his stomach wouldn't allow him to keep down food even if he tried to eat right then.

Serena finally looked up at him with red, swollen eyes. "Cullen, do you mind if I stay here tonight? I don't want to be alone."

He drew a ragged breath. "Serena, we can't…"

"No, that's not what I mean." She interrupted. "I just want to get out of this blasted dress and into a long comfortable shirt and then just lay down here on your bed and talk until we see the sun come up or we fall asleep." She sat up and peered down at the floor. "And maybe if I break down again, you can hold me until I feel better." She whispered softly.

He put his hand to her cheek and turned her face to look at him. He smiled gently as he brushed the hair back and tucked it behind her ear. "My arms are always right here and wide open waiting for you, whenever you need them."

The corner of her lips turned up into a crooked grin. "You're too good to me Cullen. You know that don't you?"

His face became serious as his green eyes stared into hers and his thumb rubbed against the soft skin of her cheek. "I'm not good enough for you, Serena. I never was."

She shook her head before placing her hand over his and turning her lips to kiss his palm. "Thank you." She whispered before standing up and looking around the room. Her voice suddenly became cheerful as she placed her hands on her hips and asked, "So, where would I find one of your clean shirts?"

Cullen chuckled as he rose from the bed and walked to the nearby dresser where he had stowed his things. He found a white linen shirt that laced up the front and handed it to her which earned him a kiss on the cheek and a bright smile. After the incident at the pond, he knew that Serena wouldn't think twice about stripping down to her small clothes in the middle of the room, so he averted his eyes to the wall behind him. After a few minutes of hearing her grunting and struggling, she let out a long, exasperated breath.

"Maker's balls! Damn dress!" she exclaimed. "Andraste's great flaming asshole! Why do they make these sodding things so sodding hard to get out of?"

Cullen laughed to himself when he heard the string of curses that were coming from Serena's mouth. Being around the dwarf, Oghren, had definitely had an influence on her and he actually found that side of her quite endearing. An image popped into his head of Lady Isolde walking in and hearing the mage's vulgar language. He imagined the look of fright on the arlessa's face just before she called for Bann Teagan and fainted dead away which made him laugh even louder.

"Ha ha! Very funny." Serena muttered. "Now if you are quite finished laughing at me, do you think you could give me a hand?"

Cullen was still chuckling as he turned toward her. Her face was red and beads of perspiration had formed on her brow from the unsuccessful effort of trying to remove the garment. He walked around behind her and began to loosen the hooks at her back. As he moved his hands down her bare alabaster skin, his breathing became heavier and he felt a stirring in his groin. By the time he reached the small of her back, he was sporting a full erection. No matter how much he tried, he couldn't rid himself of the thought or the image of pulling her to him and covering the exposed flesh of her shoulder with his mouth. By the time he reached the last hook, his hands were trembling so badly that he was scarcely able to hold onto the delicate eyelet.

Serena peered over her shoulder at him. "Is something wrong, Cullen?"

He swallowed hard. "No." he smiled sheepishly. "All done."

"Thank the Maker." She exclaimed before letting the garment fall from her body right in front of him.

_Sweet Andraste give me strength. _The templar thought as he stared at her almost nude body. _Please don't turn around. Please don't turn around. Whatever you do, please don't…_

Serena put her hands to her hips and circled to face him, giving Cullen a full view of her bare breasts which caused him to suck in a loud gasp before he turned his head. He tried to steady his breathing and he could feel sweat beginning to drip down the sides of his face.

"Are you okay, Cullen?" he heard the mage ask. "Do you need more lyrium potions."

"N…no I'm fine." He stammered. He felt her hand on his shoulder as she moved around him so she could see his face. He opened one eye just a little and saw that she was wearing the shirt that he had given her before letting out a long, relieved sigh.

She shook her head and chuckled. "I just don't understand you Cullen. You act like you've never seen a naked woman before." Without waiting for a reply she moved over to the bed and flopped down onto her back. She placed her hands behind her head and smiled up at him.

"Don't tell me that you wear all of those clothes to bed." she smirked. "Come on now, get comfortable or I'm going to feel awfully self-conscious lying here wearing only your shirt and my smalls."

Cullen knew that there was no way in Thedas that he was going to strip down to his small clothes in front of her, and at that very moment even removing his shirt was going to be an issue given the fact that he was still extremely hard. He knew that she had to notice since his shirt was tucked into his trousers, but mercifully she didn't say anything about it. He walked over to the bed and quickly removed his boots, socks and shirt before lying down next to her and rolling over onto his stomach. He turned his head toward her, resting his it on his overlapping forearms. She rolled over onto her left side and propped herself with her elbow, laying her temple on the heel of her open palm. She smiled down at him.

"I miss this so much." She said wistfully.

"You and Alistair do this often?" Cullen asked.

She shook her head. "No…Alistair isn't much for talking in bed. He usually falls asleep right after we make love. Actually I was talking about when I was at the tower. Jowan and I used to do this all of the time. After lights out, he would sneak over to my bunk and we'd spend the night talking and laughing. Sometimes we would get caught by the templars and he'd have to go back to his own bed, but when that happened we would usually wait until it was all clear and I would sneak over to his bunk."

"You miss him don't you?"

She exhaled slowly while inspecting her elbow. "Yes…a lot. He was my only real friend at the tower. For some reason, none of the other girls ever liked me and Jowan was the only boy who didn't want more than friendship from me. I mean, I had other male friends, like Anders but they were always trying to get under my robes. I honestly thought Jowan was interested in men until he introduced me to Lily."

The templar chuckled before his countenance grew serious. "So what…I'm a replacement for Jowan?" he asked. He knew that it was a horrible and insulting question, but he had to know.

Serena laid her head flat on the pillow and ran her fingers through Cullen's wavy blonde hair while staring into his green eyes. "No." she smiled sweetly. "As close as Jowan and I were, you mean so much more to me than he ever did. You are a better friend and a better man than Jowan could have ever hoped to become." With those words, she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek before she rolled back over onto her back.

"Okay," she grinned. "It's time to play a game."

Cullen turned over onto his side, propping himself on his elbow, and regarded her skeptically. "What kind of game?"

She rolled back over and mimicked his movements. "It's called Confessions."

His eyes narrowed. "I'm not sure I like the sound of that."

"No, it's fun." She beamed excitedly.

"So how do you play this game?" he asked warily.

"I ask you a question and you have to answer truthfully."

"And what if I don't want to answer the question?"

"Then you have to reveal something embarrassing and when you're done, you get to ask me something."

Cullen pursed his lips. "So why do I have to go first?"

She grinned and shrugged her shoulder. "My game, my rules."

He rolled his eyes. "Fine." He sighed. "Ask your question."

She narrowed her eyes. "Are you a virgin?"

Somehow he knew that was going to be her first question. "Yes."

"I figured as much." she remarked.

Cullen looked up at the ceiling for a moment, trying to come up with a question to ask her. There was something he always wondered about, but he was almost afraid to ask.

"Did you ever have sex with Anders?"

Serena bit her bottom lip. "Not technically. We did play around a little a few times, but the one time we decided to go through with it we got caught by old man Sweeney before it went that far. He threatened to call the templars on us if we didn't go back to our rooms right away."

Cullen felt mixed emotions on hearing her answer. He was happy to hear that she had never actually been with Anders, but slightly upset about the fact that she tried.

"Okay" Serena began after some thought. "What was the first thing you thought of when we met?"

"I have never seen a naked woman before." He blurted. "Seeing you tonight was the closest I've ever come to it."

Her eyes widened. "Really?" she asked with surprise. "Never?" He shook his head. "Alistair told me that he used to peek at the initiates and some of the younger sisters when he lived at the Chantry. I just assumed that…"

"No." Cullen shrugged. "He always tried to get me to look as well, but I never did. Although we both got punished for it when he got caught."

Serena smiled at him sympathetically. "I'm sorry Cullen. If I would have known…I mean, growing up in the tower in mixed gender dormitories, it was kind of normal for us mages to see each other naked. I just never thought anything about it when I stripped down in front of you."

The young templar smirked. "So does this mean I won't get to see you naked anymore?"

"I'll strip down right now if you want me to." She replied. "It doesn't bother me."

Cullen shook his head. "Um…no. I was just kidding. I'm not sure I could handle that again, at least not tonight."

Serena peered up at the ceiling as she thought. "My turn for another question."

"Oh no." Cullen protested. "It's my turn."

"Uh-huh." She grinned. "The last question was you asking me if you would get to see me naked anymore."

He furrowed his brow. "But that question wasn't part of the game."

"It was a question, so it counts." She giggled.

Cullen let out an exasperated sigh. "Fine. Ask your question."

She leaned in closer to him. He could feel her warm breath caressing his face. "What did you think the first time you met me?"

"You already asked that question."

"And you didn't answer."

"But I revealed something embarrassing, so I didn't have to answer and you can't ask the same question twice."

"I never said that." She smirked.

"But that's not fair." He argued.

"My game, my rules, remember?" she whispered as she touched the tip of her nose to his. "So answer the question. If you don't, I'm just going to keep asking anyway."

Cullen closed his eyes as he breathed in the sweet scent of her perfume. He knew that they were playing a dangerous game, and not the one she had made up. He let out a long slow breath before gazing into her sapphire eyes again. "I thought that you were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen." He confessed quietly.

She smiled as she reached up and ran her fingers through his hair. "My turn." He whispered. "How do you really feel about me, Serena? Not when we were in the tower and not necessarily right at this moment, but how do you really feel about me…in the light of day, when we aren't physically this close?"

She searched his face for a few moments. "Maker help me Cullen." She breathed. "I love you. I've always loved you and I love you more with every passing day. I love Alistair very much, but the feelings I have for him pale in comparison to my feelings for you. I thought that I could ignore them…that I could will them away, but I just can't."

She sat up and hugged her knees to her chest. "I don't know what to do. I'm so confused. I care about your brother too much to hurt him, but not being able to be with you is breaking my heart."

Cullen sat up next to her and put his arm around her shoulders. "Thank you for telling me, Serena. To hear you say those words means more to me than you could ever know." He kissed her cheek. "It's getting late. Maybe we should try to get some sleep…if you still want to stay that is."

She nodded and touched his cheek before placing her forehead against his. They both lay back on the bed and she snuggled up to his chest. He kissed the top of her head and wrapped his arm tight around her shoulders.

"Goodnight." He whispered.

Just before she fell asleep, she nuzzled her face into his neck and he heard her answer with the words that he had been longing to hear since the moment he met her. "Goodnight, Cullen...I love you."


	17. Chapter 17

The next morning, when Cullen awoke he discovered that he was alone. Sometime during the night, Serena had snuck from his room and returned to her own. The dress that she had worn the previous evening was gone as well and the shirt that he let her borrow was folded and sitting atop the dresser he had retrieved it from. He sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes and began to wonder if the last part of the evening had been a dream. Had Serena really told him that she loved him?

He stood and made his way over to the basin and stone ewer that one of the servants had filled with fresh water at some point that morning. He poured the water into the bowl and splashed some on his face in order to wake himself up. He gazed into the mirror that was attached to the wall above the table and sighed.

What had he done? Even though he and Serena did not have sex the night before, he still felt the heavy burden of guilt closing in around him. He had betrayed his brother after swearing that he wouldn't. Maybe it wasn't too late to fix what he had done. Maybe if he just talked to Serena and explained to her that even though they loved each other, they could never act on those feelings. Hopefully she would agree and understand. He felt a pain in his chest at that thought. He knew that it was the right thing to do, but he wasn't completely sure that he was willing to do it.

He finished washing up and dressed quickly before making his way down to the dining hall. He spotted Serena in the corner of the room talking to Zevran and he couldn't help but smile. He was surprised to see that she had actually chosen to wear trousers for the day which was something she had never done in all the years that he had known her. All Circle mages were required to wear robes at all times of course, but even in all of their travels together over the past few months, she had never worn pants before. It was actually quite refreshing to see the change and the look suited her. The trousers were black and made from wool. On top she wore a matching vest bodice that laced up the front with silver grommets over a light, long-sleeved white linen chemise that hung loosely from her shoulders. Black leather boots with silver side buckles that reached just below her knees completed the ensemble. The outfit reminded Cullen of a painting he once saw of a famous female raider, though he couldn't recall her name. Serena turned her eyes toward him and returned his expression with a grin of her own. The look she gave him told him without a doubt that what occurred the night before had definitely not been a dream.

Even though he hadn't eaten dinner the night before, Cullen still wasn't feeling very hungry so when he sat down at the table he simply poured himself a cup of tea and began to sip it. He looked up to catch a glimpse of Serena in the corner only to see Zevran flirting with his friend. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see her beaming down at him.

"I was beginning to wonder if I was going to have to come up there and drag you out of bed." She laughed. "I've been waiting to have breakfast with you and I'm starving." Without waiting for any reply from him, she sat down in the chair next to his and began filling her plate. After she had gotten everything she wanted to eat she eyed Cullen's empty plate with a frown.

"Aren't you going to eat?" she asked. "Or is it your intention to make me look like a complete pig?"

He chuckled as he began to put a few pancakes and a couple of sausages onto the dish in front of him. Once he had poured a hefty amount of syrup on top, Serena nodded her approval and tucked into her own meal. She began chatting happily between bites and Cullen felt his appetite return as he listened to her relate a story that Zevran had just finished telling her. Before he knew it, he was refilling his plate while she continued to speak animatedly. He thought that it was probably the happiest he had ever remembered seeing her and he couldn't help but feel that their conversation from the previous night was the reason. His own heart felt as if it might burst from the joy he felt at the knowledge that she loved him. He wasn't sure what was going to happen with Alistair or even between himself and Serena, but for that moment he just wanted to enjoy the feeling of being loved by her.

After breakfast, when they were both finishing their tea, the subject of their conversation turned to the agenda for the day.

"So do you have anything planned for today?" she asked.

Cullen smiled. "I'm following your orders, remember?"

"I was actually thinking of heading into the village. Bann Teagan says that the last of the corpses were cleared out yesterday and the shops are open again. I've never seen Redcliffe the way it's supposed to be…" she lowered her voice "you know, without all the dead bodies."

It was a grim subject, but Cullen still had to snicker at the way Serena worded her thoughts. "So are you inviting me to go with you?" he asked casually before taking his last sip of tea.

She grimaced. "Would I have mentioned it if I wasn't?"

He shrugged a shoulder, a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. "I don't know, would you?"

She furrowed her brow before reaching out and smacking his chest with the back of her right hand playfully.

He winced and rubbed the spot where she hit him. "Ouch." He stuck his bottom lip out, feigning a pout. "You're always hitting me."

A wide grin broke out on her face before she narrowed her eyes and brandished her fist toward him. "You deserve it for being such a smart ass."

He stared up at the ceiling. "Better a smart ass than a dumb ass." He mumbled.

Her jaw dropped. She put a hand on her hip and creased her brow. "Hey!" she exclaimed. "That wasn't nice."

Cullen tweaked her nose playfully which made her giggle in spite of herself. Her eyes narrowed. "I hate you."

His face became serious as his eyes searched hers for a long moment. "No," he whispered "you don't."

His words and expression caused her to suck in a quick breath and swallow hard. She quickly glanced at the floor before clearing her throat and regarding him with a haughty tone and demeanor.

"Ser Cullen, would you do me the great honor of accompanying me into the village today?"

He stood and mimicked her mannerism before bowing low. "It would be my great honor, my lady."

She returned his bow with a nod and he held out his hand to help her from her chair. When she placed her delicate fingers in his palm and gazed into his eyes, his stomach lurched just as it had the very first time he met her. He pulled her up and instinctively took hold of her other hand. They stood there for a few minutes just staring into each other's eyes.

"Shall we go?" she asked breathlessly.

"I think that it's probably a good idea." He replied.

He stole a quick glance around the room and was relieved to see that nobody seemed to notice their exchange. Then his eyes landed upon Bann Teagan who was leaning against the far wall with crossed arms. He shot Cullen a knowing look which caused the templar to close his eyes and exhale slowly before releasing both of Serena's hands and backing away a few steps.

"Is something wrong?" she asked with concern.

Cullen shook his head. "No, but I think we should go."

"Okay." She agreed with some confusion.

Once they were outside the castle walls and crossing the bridge headed toward the village, Serena scowled at Cullen. "So are you going to tell me what that was all about now?"

"Bann Teagan was watching us." he responded with a worried frown.

"Oh." she said quietly as she turned her gaze to the ground.

They both stayed silent for the remainder of their stroll into the village. Serena seemed to be deep in thought and Cullen didn't want to disturb her. When they reached the small general store and entered, Serena's eyes lit up as she looked around at the walls. She turned to him with the excitement of a small girl and grinned.

"Do you know what I've always wanted to try?" she asked.

"What?"

"I've always wanted to try fishing." She answered to Cullen's surprise.

"Really?" he asked with a chuckle.

Her eyes went wide as she nodded. "Oh, yes…I used to hear some of the templars talk about it sometimes and they made it sound so exciting but relaxing at the same time. Sitting on the shore, lazily basking in the sun until a big fish comes along and takes your hook. Then the battle begins and you have to take great care to make sure that your line doesn't break as you pull in your trophy and snare it with your net."

As she spoke, she used animated hand gestures and body language. Cullen had never seen anyone get so worked up over fishing before. The way Serena related the steps involved made the pastime actually seem exciting. He and Alistair used to sneak out of the Chantry and fish from the docks in the city occasionally, but it was more a way to pass the time and get out of lessons.

He grinned. "Okay then, I guess we're going fishing."

"Really?" she beamed while clapping her hands. Suddenly her shoulders slumped and sadness replaced her elation. "But we don't have any equipment and I left my money pouch back in the castle."

Cullen cupped her chin and lifted her face. "I've got it covered." He told her with a smile. With that, she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek.

"Thank you, my love." She whispered in his ear and it made his heart skip a beat.

By the time the left the shop they were loaded down with gear and Cullen's purse was half a sovereign lighter, but the smile on Serena's face was more than worth it to him. When they reached the dock, he began to busy himself readying her pole while she removed her boots and socks and rolled up her pant legs. She had just sat down and dangled her bare feet in the water when Cullen finished clamping the lead sinker onto the line. He handed her the rod and she immediately plopped the empty hook into the water. He chuckled and she gazed up at him, her face filled with innocence and curiosity.

"Um, sweetheart," he said gently, "you're going to want to bait that hook if you want to actually catch anything."

She wrinkled her nose in confusion. "Bait?"

He grabbed the box of worms he bought and handed it to her. "You have to lure the fish in with something they want to eat. They don't typically like the taste of bare metal."

"Oh, I wondered about that." She opened the box and grimaced with disgust. "Ew, worms?" she asked. "What am I supposed to do with these?"

"Pick the fattest, juiciest one you can find and put the hook through it." He explained.

She shook her head and put the box back down on the wooden deck. "I am _not _doing that."

Cullen laughed. "I have seen you blow up darkspawn and covered in human entrails and dragon's blood and you're telling me that you're actually squeamish about a little worm?"

She sighed loudly. "Fine…but you have to show me how to do it."

"Fair enough." He agreed.

He guided her through baiting her hook while she scowled the entire time. When she was finished, she leaned over the dock and rinsed her hands in the water. In the meantime, Cullen went to work on his own gear. Just as he was tying the hook onto his line, he felt something cold and slimy hit the side of his face. He reached up to find a worm stuck to his cheek. He turned to Serena who was smirking as she watched the wooden float on her line bob in the water.

He wiped his face with the back of his hand and walked over to where she was sitting. She had to bite back a grin before batting her eyelashes and innocently asking, "Did you need something, Cullen?"

He narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips in mock annoyance. He bent down, took the pole from her hands and set it to the side which caused a worried frown to cross her face. As he got to his knees, Serena began to back away from him slowly.

"What are you planning to do?" she asked skeptically.

He shook his head slowly, a smirk forming on his face. "Oh nothing…" he said before reaching out and grabbing the sides of her waist. "Except this." He began tickling her; starting at her waist and moving up to her armpits and then back down to her buttocks and thighs. She was laughing so hard that tears formed in her eyes.

"Stop!" she cried through fits of giggles.

Cullen continued his assault. "Not until you say you're sorry." He insisted.

After a few more minutes, she gave in. "Okay, okay!" She screamed. "You win! I'm sorry!"

Cullen propped himself up on his forearms and looked down into her bright blue eyes. He was suddenly aware of the fact that he was settled between her legs and her groin was pressed against his abdomen. He felt a familiar stirring and went to sit up when Serena wrapped her legs and arms around him and pulled him down to cover his lips with hers.

The feel of her body beneath him, the smell of her perfume, the taste of her kiss was almost more than he could take. He entangled his fingers in her dark hair as his tongue explored her mouth. He felt her shift beneath him just before she used her strong legs to flip him over onto his back. She moved her body down just enough to settle herself over his erect manhood. When she began grinding against him, he almost lost control. He rolled her over until she was beneath him again and then pushed himself back up onto his forearms. He brushed her hair away from her face and stared into her eyes.

"You still haven't caught your fish." He smiled as he rubbed her flushed cheek with his thumb.

She turned her face and kissed his palm. "You started that, you know."

He raised himself to a standing position and took her hand to help her up. "Now then, if you are quite finished assaulting me with slimy little creatures, we should get back to what we were doing before."

She sighed and nodded before taking her place back on the dock. It was sundown before the two of them began heading back toward the castle carrying two wire baskets full of freshly caught fish. Cullen was pleasantly surprised at how fast Serena took to the task. Once she had brought in the first one with his help, she ended up catching more fish than he did on her own.

Just after they crossed the bridge headed to the windmill, they came across a young boy no older than seven dressed in shabby clothes. He was quite gaunt with hollowed cheeks and dark circles under his eyes. After learning that his parents were killed during the nightly attacks on the village and that he and his sister were left alone to fend for themselves, Serena handed their catch over to the child. That simple act of kindness reminded Cullen once again of how much he loved her.

Over the next two weeks, Serena and Cullen spent almost every waking moment together. They went fishing several more times, watched the performance of a traveling troupe of minstrels that visited the village, went horseback riding in the countryside and had several private picnics. Most of the time they spent outside of the castle together was instigated by prodding from Bann Teagan. The nobleman actually seemed delighted that the two of them were spending so much time together. Even Arl Eamon began to look at Serena with less disdain.

Because of what happened on that first fishing trip, Cullen made sure to never allow himself to get physically close enough to Serena when they were alone to chance a repeat performance. He could tell that she was becoming frustrated by his behavior, but he knew in his heart that even one more touch of her lips to his would cause him to give into temptation.

After that first night that she confessed her feelings, Serena never spoke those words to him again and she never attempted to come back to his room. They behaved the same way toward each other as they had before their trip to Redcliffe began.

One morning, after having a particularly restless night, Cullen awoke with a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He washed and shaved his face and dressed as he normally did, but something just seemed wrong. The last time he had a feeling like that was the day that Uldred took over the tower. The sense of foreboding in the air was very unsettling. As he made his way down the stairs, it just got worse. Just before he reached the entryway to the dining hall, he heard the arl and bann discussing what sounded like something important. Then he recognized Alistair's voice.

"If you don't mind though, Teagan" the prince began. "I have something to give to my girl."

Cullen stood in the doorway and watched his brother take Serena into his arms.

Alistair beamed down at her. "I have missed you so much, my love. In fact I have thought of nothing but you since you left. It made me realize that I don't ever want to be away from you again."

"Alistair," the arl interrupted. "We really need to speak privately."

The prince shook his head, but did not take his eyes from Serena's for even a moment. "We stopped at a little village on the way here and I found something that I just had to buy for you."

It was the bann's turn to try to divert Alistair's attention. "Alistair, Eamon is right, we really need to have a serious conversation before…"

Alistair took Serena's hand and dropped down on one knee in front of her. Cullen saw him slip a small ring on her finger. "Serena Amell, I love you and I swear to you that I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you as happy as you have made me. Would you grant me the great honor of being my bride?"

A wide grin broke out on Serena's face before she fell to her knees and hugged him tightly, almost knocking him over in the process.

"I'll take that as a yes then?" he laughed.

She nodded excitedly and planted kisses all over his face. Cullen felt his heart drop into the pit of his stomach and he felt as if he might vomit. His knees began to give way, so he leaned against the door frame for support and closed his eyes.

_I'm too late. _He thought. He knew to the very depths of his soul that if he hadn't spent the last two weeks pushing Serena away that she would be his completely and she would have turned Alistair's proposal down. He tried to swallow down the huge lump that had formed in his throat and felt tears stinging his eyes. His internal suffering was interrupted by Arl Eamon's angry voice.

"No Alistair!" he boomed. "You cannot do this. She is a mage and you are going to be king, you can never marry this girl."

Alistair who had regained his feet and was holding onto Serena's hand shook his head. "I'm sorry, Eamon, but there are more important things to me than being king. I never wanted that life anyway."

"How can you be so selfish Alistair?" Bann Teagan sneered. "If you don't take the crown, then Anora remains queen. If Anora remains queen, Loghain wins. It's as simple as that."

"Anora's been queen for years." Alistair shouted back. "And Loghain had nothing to do with it. Let her continue to rule."

"Don't you understand?" Eamon pleaded. "Loghain has appointed himself the queen's regent. Bloody hell Alistair, I've heard that most of his lackeys have even taken to calling him King Loghain. After what happened at Ostagar, after everything you've learned about the things he has done, including trying to murder me, you are going to just give up?"

The prince covered his mouth with his hand and began pacing. Before he could say anything, Teagan spoke up again.

"Your father helped take this country back from the Orlesians. He worked tirelessly throughout his rule to make this kingdom what it is. If you do not take the throne, you are simply throwing everything he built away and allowing a tyrant to sit in power. Loghain has already proven that he will do anything to take the throne. You know the truth of it Alistair. You can't let that happen."

Alistair gazed at the marble floor beneath his boots, his shoulders slumped in defeat. He looked up at Serena sadly and sighed heavily. Her face dropped and from where he was standing, Cullen could see the light of the chandelier above reflecting off the tears in her sapphire eyes.

"I'll do it." The templar announced. Every eye in the room turned toward him. "I will assume the throne in my brother's stead."


	18. Chapter 18

"What is the meaning of this?" Bann Teagan shouted angrily. "What do you mean…"

Arl Eamon put up a hand to quiet his brother. "Let us hear what the boy has to say."

Cullen stepped forward and removed the amulet he wore beneath his shirt. "I was given this the day I left the Chantry. I was told that it was gift from my father given to my mother."

He dropped the chain into the arl's outstretched hand. Eamon examined it closely before eyeing the templar with a suspicious glare. "And what was your mother's name, son?"

"Jenna." Cullen answered. "She was Queen Rowan's hand maiden. The queen told her that I died during birth and sent her away. I was informed that she committed suicide shortly after that."

The nobleman nodded before turning to face the wall behind him. He began to rub his bearded chin while he remained deep in thought. He continued staring at the wall when he said, "I remember Jenna. I also remember how furious my sister was when she found out that the girl was with child."

"Brother?" Teagan asked with confusion. "Why have I never heard of this?"

The arl focused his attention on the bann. "You were rather young then, Teagan. Not only that, Rowan never mentioned it again. When I finally asked her later, all she told me was that she sent the girl away and that she heard that Jenna died." He turned back to face Cullen. "And how did you come by this information, if I may ask?"

"Our father told him." Alistair answered from Serena's side. "In the gauntlet of the Temple of Andraste when we retrieved the ashes."

"We can hardly claim that this man is Maric's heir on the word of a ghost, can we?" The bann scoffed.

"Well," Cullen replied. "I have this amulet which I was told would prove my parentage."

"Be that as it may," the bann pushed "I think we will probably need something a little more concrete."

Cullen looked down at the floor. He knew that as soon as he said the next words, his fate would be sealed and he would be put on the throne. "The Grand Cleric knows." He said quietly. "She was the only person that the queen told."

The arl nodded. "Well then, if the Grand Cleric says that it is true, then it is true. Her word is beyond contestation and neither Loghain nor Anora can go against her Grace's testimony." A grin then broke out over Eamon's face before he clapped Cullen on the back. "I daresay my boy, with the Chantry behind you, you actually might have a better claim than Alistair."

Cullen tried to return the man's smile, but just couldn't make himself. He turned his gaze first to Serena who appeared as if she might cry and then to Alistair who seemed to be happily relieved. They began to make plans for the upcoming Landsmeet where Eamon would introduce Cullen as the rightful king of Ferelden. He swore all of them to secrecy and made it very clear that Loghain wasn't to know about the young templar's claim until all of the nobles were gathered. Once their discussion was finished, the noblemen retired to their rooms while everyone but Alistair, Serena and Cullen cleared out to do other things.

Alistair clasped his brother's shoulder. "Thank you, Ace."

Serena's voice was barely above a whisper. "Yes, thank you Cullen."

The younger prince pointed his thumb toward the door. "I…think I'm going to go to my room and lie down for a little while."

"Sure," Alistair smiled. "I need to get settled in anyway. I think maybe I'll have a bath."

Cullen wasn't even sure how he got back to his room. He didn't remember walking there. Once the door was closed behind him he put his back against it and slid down to the floor. What had he just done? He was going to be king-the shy boy who could barely speak to strangers without stuttering. He began to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. His entire life had become one big, ironic joke. Tears soon replaced his laughter and he started to bang the back of his head on the big wooden door. Maybe if he took a hard enough hit, it would knock him unconscious.

Just as he was beginning to realize that all he was doing was making his already tremendous headache worse, he felt the door push against his back.

"Go away." He yelled.

"Cullen," he heard Serena say from the other side. "Open the door."

"No." he said flatly. She was the last person he wanted to see at that moment.

He felt a harder push so he shoved back against the wood and dug his heels into the floor.

"I don't want to talk right now, Serena." He told her sternly.

"Don't make me go get Sten to kick this door down, Cullen." She threatened.

"Fine!" he spat as he found his feet and walked to the bed.

He lay down on his back and covered his eyes with his forearm. He heard the door click as Serena shut it behind her and then her footsteps as she walked to the bed. After a few moments he felt the mattress move as she plopped down beside him.

"What do you want, Serena?" he asked warily.

"What in the Maker's name did you do that for Cullen?" she asked with vexation. "I know you. You don't want to be king any more than Alistair does…maybe even less."

"It doesn't matter anymore." He sighed. "It's done."

"But why Cullen?" she prodded. "Why would you do that?"

He moved his arm back just enough to glare at her, opened his mouth to speak and then promptly shut it without uttering a word. He replaced his arm. "Just go away, Serena."

He could hear the hurt in her voice. "This isn't like you Cullen. I thought we were friends."

He snorted. "Yes, we're _friends_ alright."

"And just what is that supposed to mean?" she asked with a huff.

He pursed his lips and shook his head. "Just go back to your room…" he snarked. "Or should I say Alistair's room. He's your betrothed, so why in Maker's name are you bothering me?"

"And there it is." She fumed.

Cullen threw his arm against the bed and bolted to a seated position. "Yes" he hissed. "There it is. You didn't mean a word of it did you, Serena? Did you ever care about me at all? Even just a little bit? Or was this just some sick game? Or maybe you thought it was a joke…That's it, let's all laugh at the stupid, shy templar. I guess a mage probably would find all of this rather funny."

He turned his head so she wouldn't see the tears that had started to trickle down his cheeks.

She put her hand on the side of his face so he would look at her, but he took her forearm and pulled her hand away.

"Please don't." he whispered.

Her shoulders slumped as she hung her head and looked down at her fingers. "For what it's worth," she began softly, "I do love you, Cullen. I meant every word. But after I told you, except for that very next day, you shied away from me. I know why you did it. You promised Alistair that you wouldn't betray him."

Cullen's tears began to flow even faster. He sniffed and wiped at his eyes with the heels of his palms, but he still refused to look at Serena.

"The thing is," she continued. "You were never going to act on your feelings. I'm sorry, Cullen, but I just couldn't go the rest of my life waiting for someone who would never be with me because he felt honor-bound to stay away. If I thought that there was even a small chance for us, I would never have agreed to marry Alistair."

Cullen swallowed hard and sniffed again. He finally turned to face her to see that her cheeks were just as tear-stained as his own. He nodded silently before embracing her tightly. He kissed the top of her head and let out a ragged breath.

"I love you." He whispered. "I always will… and I hope that your marriage to Alistair brings you all of the happiness that life has to offer. You deserve no less than that. I lost you to my own stupidity. I should have told you how I felt years ago, but it's too late now."

She pulled her face from his chest and stared at him with glistening sapphire eyes. "Maker, you're still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." He breathed.

He bent forward and kissed her. Softly at first, but then it turned passionate and full of desire. His need for her felt like it would consume his very soul. He placed one hand at the nape of her neck and the other at the small of her back before lying down and pulling her with him. He rolled her over and positioned himself between her legs. As he kissed down her neck, he reached up and began untying the laces of her bodice. Once the outer garment was opened completely, he pulled her chemise up exposing her bare breasts and covered her right nipple with his mouth. She moaned and writhed beneath him and began tugging at his shirt to let him know that she wanted him to take it off. He pulled it up over his head and immediately covered her mouth with his again.

He knew what he was doing was wrong, but for once he didn't care. He had just given up everything for his brother, the woman he loved…his very life. He reasoned with himself that one afternoon with Serena-feeling her, loving her-was a fair trade for all that he was losing. She shifted and rolled him over onto his back. Then she kissed down his neck and sucked on his shoulder. She licked down his chest, stopping long enough to flick her warm tongue across each of his nipples a few times. Her tongue continued to trail down his abdomen and circled his navel. He felt her hands move down and begin to loosen the strings of his trousers. His breath caught when he felt her hand brush against the flesh of his manhood as she pulled down his small clothes. She looked up and gave him a coy smirk.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" she asked breathily.

Before he could answer a loud knock came from the door. Alistair's muffled voice sounded from the other side. "Hey Ace, can I talk to you?"

"Balls!" Cullen cursed. Serena quickly pulled her bodice together and cinched it while Cullen retied his trousers and replaced his shirt.

"Cullen?" Alistair called.

The younger prince rushed to the door and opened it. "Sorry." He apologized. "Serena and I were just talking about everything that happened today."

Alistair looked around the room until he spotted Serena sitting on the side of the bed. He walked over and cupped her chin in his hand before bending to kiss her cheek.

"And how is my bride to be faring?" he asked.

She smiled. "I am well, love." She gave Cullen a wistful glance before standing. "The two of you probably have a lot to talk about. I think that I should go."

"Thank you for understanding, my dear." Alistair said. "When Cullen and I are finished maybe we can all go fishing. Teagan tells me that you have become quite taken with it."

Serena grinned. "That would be lovely Alistair."

Once she had closed the door behind her, Alistair leaned against one of the large posts at the foot of the bed and crossed his arms. He scrutinized his brother's face for a few minutes before he spoke.

"So why did you do it, Ace?"

Cullen suddenly felt very uncomfortable and nervous. Alistair had obviously been speaking with the bann and the nobleman had to have mentioned all of the time that he and Serena had spent together. That wasn't even mentioning the fact that his brother had to have at least suspected that something was going on between Cullen and Serena before he came into the room.

"Do what?" the younger prince asked innocently.

"What do you mean, 'do what?'" Alistair questioned incredulously. "Why did you agree to take the crown? What else is there?"

Cullen's face twisted as he tried to come up with an answer before shrugging his shoulders wearily. "It just seemed like the right thing to do."

"Tell me the truth, brother." Alistair insisted. "I know you well enough to know that you are not the type who wants to rule a nation."

The former templar shook his head. "You're right. I don't want to rule, but somebody needs to and you and I both know that Anora isn't a real choice, not with her father beside her."

The older prince narrowed his eyes. "Yes, that is true, but why did you decide to take my place?"

"Do you want it back? Because I will gladly give it to you if you do." Cullen offered.

"No, I don't want to rule, I never did." Alistair replied. "I can't even lead myself let alone a whole country. When it comes down to who would make a better king, I honestly believe that you would win hands down every time. But that's not the point. The point is, you took my place and you didn't have to. You had the choice of going the rest of your life with only you, I, Serena, Leliana and the Grand Cleric knowing the truth. You know that if it came down to it, I would have taken the crown. What made you decide to do it?"

Cullen sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed his tired eyes with his fingertips before resting his forearms on his thighs and staring at the ornate Orlesian rug on the floor.

"Honestly?" he asked rhetorically. "I did it for you and Serena…so you could be together. My whole life has revolved around duty; duty to the Chantry, duty to the Maker, duty to the Order." He regarded his brother with sad eyes. "What's one more duty to someone like me?"

Alistair shook his head. "I know that you're still in love with Serena. You know that if you hadn't spoken up and I took the crown that I would have had to break off my relationship with her don't you?" Cullen nodded silently. "If that would have happened, you would have probably gotten the chance to be with her. So why didn't you take it?"

"You're my brother and my best friend and I gave you my word that I would never try to steal her away from you." The younger prince replied. "If I had let you take the crown, knowing that it would be the reason you had to end it with Serena, and then I would have gone after her it would have been tantamount to theft…at least in my mind. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I did that. I saw an opportunity that would keep the two of you together so I took it."

Alistair bit his bottom lip in thought for a long moment. When his hazel eyes met Cullen's there were tears glistening in them. "Thank you." He nodded. "Thank you, brother…and for what it's worth, I think that you're going to make one hell of a king."

"Thanks." Cullen mumbled.

Alistair's face broke into a wide grin. "So what do you think? Shall we grab Serena and head down to the village to do a little fishing?"

Cullen shook his head. "No, you two go ahead. My head's pounding so I think I'm going to take a nap to see if I can make the pain go away."

"If you're sure."

"I'm sure." the younger man replied. "Thanks for the offer."

When Alistair was gone, Cullen lay back onto the pillows that adorned the bed and placed his forearm over his eyes again. He wasn't lying when he told Alistair that he had a headache. In fact, he was beginning to wonder if the veins in his head were about to explode. The thought of Serena entered his mind and he tried to will it away. He didn't want to think about her or anything else at that moment. He just wanted peace. He began to recite the Chant of Light in his head over and over again until he finally drifted off into an uneasy sleep.


	19. Chapter 19

When Cullen awoke, a glance at the clock on the mantle informed him that it was time for the evening meal. He realized that he hadn't eaten anything all day, but made the decision to remain in his room to avoid talking to anyone. Instead, he found a book on governance to immerse himself in. He figured that since he was going to be king, he should probably start working on making himself a good ruler. He was about three chapters in when he heard a knock.

_What now? _He thought. He opened the door expecting to see Serena or Alistair only to be greeted by a young elven servant carrying a large tray.

"Yes?" he asked wondering if she was lost.

She bent her knees and bowed her head. The tray she carried began to shake between her trembling hands. "Y…your majesty," she began. "The arl thought that since you did not take your evening meal in the dining hall, you might want your supper brought to you."

Cullen tried to take the platter from the girl's hands, but she shook her head briskly and rushed by him to set her burden on the small table near the fireplace. She removed the silver lid and bowed to him again.

"If this fare does not please you, sire, I will be happy to have the cooks prepare something else for you."

Cullen smiled at the elf to try to ease her nervousness. "This is fine. Thank you…"

"Anwen, sire." She answered with a curtsy.

He cleared his throat. "Yes, well, thank you Anwen. And please, there is no need to refer to me in that manner. I am not king quite yet."

"But you soon will be, sire." She protested. "and you are already a prince which means that you should be treated as royalty, does it not?"

He sighed. He supposed that she was correct, but being addressed as such made him uncomfortable.

"Will there be anything else, sire?" she asked.

"No." he replied. "Thank you again, Anwen."

She gave him one last curtsy before scurrying out of the room, her eyes remaining on her feet. Cullen picked a few items from the tray of food to make a sandwich, of which he only ate half. He hated wasting that much food, but he simply had no appetite. He sat back down in the stuffed chair that he had occupied before the servant's interruption and began to read again.

The next thing he knew, the rays of the morning sun were assaulting his eyes. The platter of food from the night before had been replaced by a new tray filled with breakfast fare. Cullen looked it over with a scowl. He knew that he should probably eat, but he recognized that not only was he not hungry, his stomach was upset to the point of being sick. He also became aware of the fact that he was sweating and his hands were trembling. That's when he realized that it had been almost two days since he had a lyrium potion. He went to his pack to retrieve one and discovered that he was completely out.

He quickly washed up and dressed, not bothering to shave and made his way downstairs. His vision was beginning to blur and he was becoming confused by all of the hallways and doors in the castle. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest as panic and bile began to rise in his throat. He stopped, closed his eyes and took several deep breaths in order to calm down. He opened his lids in time to see one of the elven servants walk past. He opened his mouth to speak to him only to vomit all over the highly polished marble floor. The last thing that he remembered before he blacked out was falling to his knees weeping.

He had no idea how much time had passed before he woke up on the floor to the sensation of Leliana's hand tapping the side of his face.

"Cullen, are you hurt?" she asked with concern. "What happened?"He grabbed hold of her hands and began trembling uncontrollably. She turned and spoke to the elf standing behind her. "What's wrong with him, Zevran?"

The rogue shook his head. "I saw him do this on our trip here. He is suffering from lyrium withdrawal."

"Cullen?" the red-head inquired gently. "Do you have any potions in your room?"

"N…no." he stammered.

"Zevran, go get Serena." Leliana ordered.

"She is not in the castle." He replied. "She and Alistair left to go on a picnic about an hour ago."

"Morrigan then."

"I have not seen her in almost four days. I wouldn't know where to begin to look for her."

"Wynn?"

"She made a side trip to the Tower of Magi, remember?"

Leliana was starting to become hysterical. "We can't just leave him like this." She bit her bottom lip as she concentrated on how they could solve Cullen's problem.

"Maybe we should help him back into bed and go into the village to get a potion for him." Zevran offered.

Leliana shook her head. "Unless you know of anyone who runs a black market around here, we cannot simply buy lyrium potions."

"What about the Chantry?"

"Neither of us are a templar or a mage, they won't give any to us." She sighed.

"So the only thing we can do is take him back to bed and leave him like this until Serena or Morrigan returns?" the elf asked in frustration.

"Of course not." The red-head explained. "I'll just have to go talk to the arl after we get Cullen back to his room. Just remember, we need to make sure that we're seen by as few servants and guards as possible. I don't think it would be a good idea for them to see their future king in this condition."

The two rogues helped the prince to his feet and led him toward the nearest staircase. He blacked out again almost immediately after they deposited him onto the bed. He awoke sometime later with his lips around the end of a small glass vial that was being held by a panting and sweating Leliana.

"Thank the Maker you are okay." She exclaimed. "I ran all the way back here from the village as fast as I could."

Cullen started to feel his strength and his sanity returning. "Thank you, Leliana."

"You are most welcome, your majesty." She replied.

"Please don't call me that." He moaned.

"Well you are going to be king, are you not?" she asked. "You should probably become accustomed to being addressed as such."

Cullen scowled. "I'm not king yet, and I'm in no hurry to become one either."

Leliana regarded him thoughtfully. "But if you did not wish to become king, why did you volunteer?"

Cullen sat up and frowned. "I just felt like I had to."

"That is so sweet." She said softly. "You did it for love."

Cullen looked at her with a questioning gaze and she gave him a sad, knowing smile. "You took the burden of the throne from your brother in exchange for the happiness of the woman you love. I always believed that such love only existed in the old tales. She does not know how lucky she is to have your favor."

Cullen turned his attention toward the fireplace. He didn't want the rogue to see just how accurate her words were or how much what she said hurt him.

She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "You are a good man, Cullen. I only wish I could find someone who would love me as much."

"Cullen?" Serena's voice came from the opposite side of the bed. When he looked at her face, he noticed that she was glowering at Leliana. "Zev told me what happened. Are you okay?"

He nodded. "I'm fine. Leliana went to the Chantry and retrieved some potions for me."

"Well, I guess it was a good thing Leliana was there, wasn't it?" the young mage quipped.

The rogue grimaced for a moment before turning to Cullen. "I think that maybe I should go back downstairs."

The prince nodded his understanding. "Thank you again."

"It was my pleasure." She grinned. She pivoted on her heel and grabbed Serena's arm as she walked by, pulling her out of the door and subsequently out of Cullen's audible range. After a few minutes, Serena returned to the room and sat down on the bed beside him.

"What was that all about?" he asked.

"Nothing." She lied.

He turned her face to his so he could look into her blue eyes. "Tell me?" he whispered.

She covered his hand with hers and sighed. "Leliana just told me that I have nothing to worry about…that your heart belongs to me completely."

He brushed her cheek with his thumb. "It's true, you know?"

She nodded sadly. "I know." she breathed.

She let out another long sigh and her shoulders slumped. "We need to talk."

Cullen closed his eye, bracing himself for what was coming. "Okay"

"We're leaving for Denerim tomorrow." she began. "Arl Eamon informed me that once we arrive, he wants me to gather as much information as I can to use against Loghain during the Landsmeet."

_Nothing bad so far, _the prince thought.

"The arl thinks that it would be best if you stayed behind at his estate when we venture out into the city." She continued. "Since you are going to be king, he thinks it would be best if you were not involved. He also wants to make sure that you stay safe." She shifted uncomfortably. "Eamon also believes that it would be best if you traveled with him and Teagan to the city."

"But why?" Culled asked, more than a little perturbed. He wasn't even king yet and already he was losing his freedom completely.

"Well," she explained, "there's the issue of your safety, of course. Just in case Loghain finds out about you, you will be better protected by dozens of elite Redcliffe soldiers than a handful of misfits. It will also keep Alistair protected. As far as Loghain is concerned, he's the only heir to the throne and if it is known that the future king is traveling with the arl, Loghain won't look for Alistair elsewhere. Not only that, but Eamon seems dead set on getting you accustomed to the royal treatment before you arrive in Denerim."

"So…what?" Cullen asked. "He's going to be giving me king lessons or something?"

Serena giggled. "Actually, I don't think you're that far off."

He rolled his eyes and wondered once again what in the Maker's name he had gotten himself into. "So I guess this means that we won't get to see much of each other for a while."

Her brow creased with a frown. "There's one more thing."

"More good news?" he groused.

"Alistair and I plan to wed right after the Landsmeet." she said apprehensively. "I think he's going to ask you to be his best man."

A small part of him wanted to break down and throw himself at her feet, but the largest part just felt hollow and empty. He had gotten through everything up until that point because he still maintained a minute glimmer of hope that they might have a chance someday, but her announcement made him realize that all hope was gone. He truly had nothing left. He tried to keep his voice even and not reveal how much her words bothered him.

"So where is the blushing groom?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Oghren dragged him down to the tavern for his bachelor party."

Cullen arched his brow. "It's the middle of the afternoon."

She chuckled. "I know. Alistair tried to tell him that, but you know Oghren. He said all that meant was that they could drink more. Then I heard him asking Zevran to donate coin to the 'Buy the Warden a Night with a Wench' fund."

"Seriously?" the prince asked. He was surprised that she wasn't angry about the fact that her friends were trying to buy her betrothed a night with a prostitute.

She laughed. "I can just picture his face when they surprise him with _that_ gift."

Cullen shook his head. "And you're okay with that?"

"Oh come on, Cullen. You know how Alistair is. Do you really think there is anyway in Thedas that he would actually go through with something like that?"

Cullen had to laugh at the thought of one of the large tavern wenches in the village coming on to Alistair. When it came to women, his brother was almost as shy as he was. "You're right; I wouldn't worry either if I were you. I just wonder why I wasn't invited if I'm to be the best man."

"I think it has something to do with the fact that Oghren thought you could keep me busy while he went through with the whole wench thing." Serena replied. "At any rate, I guess I have the entire rest of the day free and the weather is lovely. Do you have any thoughts on what we should do?"

The prince shrugged. He was game for just about anything as long as he was with Serena. After he had the chance to wash up and change, they chose to simply take a walk through the countryside. Cullen was pleasantly surprised when the mage placed her hand in his once they were outside the castle. They strolled along hand in hand, talking and laughing until it was time for the evening meal.

After supper, and discussing some last minute arrangements with the arl, they retired to their rooms. Cullen had just settled down in the armchair, when Serena knocked on his door. She didn't even bother waiting for him to answer. She just rapped the wood a few times and walked right in.

She grinned at him mischievously. "I was just thinking that this will probably be the last night we will have the opportunity to play Confessions."

He shook his head. "Absolutely not!" he refused. "You make up the rules as you go along and you don't play fair."

She got down on her knees in front of his chair and looked up at him with sad eyes. She batted her lashes and stuck out her bottom lip in a pout. "Please, Cullen. I promise I'll be nice this time. I'll even let you set the rules if you want."

He stood and smiled down at her before walking to the dressing table a few feet away.

"How about we just talk instead?" He asked as he rummaged through one of the drawers and removed a white linen shirt. He threw it to her and turned to face the wall so she could change. "I'll even let you wear my best shirt." Her answer came in the form of the sounds of her changing her clothes behind him. He kept his eyes averted until he heard the bed creak slightly beneath her weight as she flopped down on it.

"You're turn." she smirked. He removed his shirt and boots and lay down on the bed next to her. His head had barely hit the pillows when she laid her head across his upper thighs. The smile she flashed him made her sapphire eyes twinkle mischievously and almost left him breathless. He couldn't help but to admire how absolutely gorgeous she was as he stroked her dark brown hair.

"Okay," she inquired. "What do you want to talk about?"

They talked for a while about Serena's nervousness over her upcoming nuptials and Cullen's absolute dread over taking the throne. After a while, the room fell into a hush as Serena snuggled her head against his broad chest and wrapped her arm around his waist. Cullen thought that she had drifted off to sleep just before she finally broke the long silence.

"It's odd." she muttered in a faraway voice.

He kissed the top of her head before he began to brush her hair with his fingers again. "What is?" he asked.

She sighed contentedly. "It's odd that in my entire life, I have never felt as comfortable with anyone as I do with you. I feel like I could talk to you about anything and you would listen and try to understand. As close as Jowan and I were and as close as Alistair and I are, it pales in comparison to what you and I have. She hugged her body closer to his and squeezed. "I'm not sure how I'm going to handle not having this with you anymore."

"I know exactly what you mean." He whispered.

"Do you mind if I spend this last night here with you?" she asked. "Just like this, holding onto each other until the sun rises?"

"I'm not sure that I was going to give you a choice." He grinned. She looked up at him, her eyes glistening in the firelight. He could tell that she was trying not to cry. She brought her lips to his and kissed him softly before placing her cheek against his shoulder again. Neither of them spoke another word for the rest of the evening and when Cullen awoke the following morning she was gone along with his best white linen shirt.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of the reviews and followers that I have received on this story. Thank you all so very much.**

Cullen arrived in Denerim with the arl and bann two days ahead of Serena and the rest of their companions. By the time he saw her walk through the door, he was ready to throw his arms around her and plant a big kiss on her lips in front of everyone. He beamed at her when she looked his way, and his grin was answered with a half-hearted smile from her. She looked worn and weary from the road, but still managed to maintain a certain amount of decorum as the arl debriefed her on their current situation with Loghain and the Landsmeet. Just as they were finishing their discussion, Loghain himself showed up with his second in command and the new arl of Denerim, Rendon Howe. Without a specific name, Serena tried her best to convince Loghain to submit to the rightful king for the good of the country, but the teyrn would hear none of it. He made it very clear that he intended to keep his daughter on the throne no matter what it took.

Once Loghain and his party departed Eamon's estate, Serena and the arl began to make immediate preparations for the Landsmeet which was to be held in three days' time. Three days didn't give the Warden very much time to gather the evidence they would need to win so she agreed to get started right away. Without so much as a word to Cullen, she went to her room, freshened up and changed her clothes. When she emerged, she again completely ignored him and left the manor straight away.

Cullen wondered what he had done wrong. He wondered if she was angry with him about something. Maybe she and Alistair fought because she spent the night in his room before they left Redcliffe. All he knew was that the only thing he had wanted since he departed Redcliffe was to see her again and the way she treated him as no more than a stranger hurt his feelings very badly. After she rushed out the door, with nothing better to do, Cullen retired to his room almost immediately. At first he tried reading to keep his mind off everything and when that didn't work he tried reciting the Chant of Light over and over again. When that also failed, he found one of the sleeping draughts that one of Eamon's physicians had given him when they arrived in the city and drank it down. When they were still on the road, Cullen mentioned to the arl that he was having trouble sleeping, so Eamon had his healer make up several potions for him.

After a few minutes, the prince's eyes started becoming heavy and he lay down on the bed. The next thing he knew, he awoke sometime in the middle of the night. He peeked his head out the door long enough to see that the manor was completely silent before downing another potion and returning to his bed. He had been anxiously waiting to see Serena again, only to be almost completely ignored by her. Whatever the problem was, she made it quite obvious that she wanted nothing to do with him. At that point the only thing he could do was wait out the next three days for the Landsmeet and the end of life as he had known it. Being king wasn't exactly a death sentence, but the closer the day came the more he realized that it was not something he wanted to do. Of course he would serve the kingdom as best as he could. He would give everything he had to his duty to his country. He knew that eventually he would be expected to take a wife and produce heirs to insure that the Theirin bloodline lived on. He also realized that eventually he might even find happiness and solace in that. At that very moment, however, all he could think about was what he was losing. All he could think about was Serena.

A loud knock woke him the next morning. He retrieved his trousers from the floor and put them on before opening the door to see his brother standing on the other side.

"Eamon sent me to check on you. He said that nobody has seen you since yesterday afternoon. Is everything okay, Ace?"

"Yeah, everything's fine brother." He lied. "I took a sleeping potion and I guess it was more potent than what I expected."

Alistair shrugged. "I guess I can understand that. I probably wouldn't be sleeping very well if I was in your shoes either."

_You should be the one who's going through this instead of me. _Cullen thought bitterly before reminding himself that it was his own fault. He was the one that volunteered for the fire after all.

"Anyway," the elder brother continued, "can I talk to you for a few minutes?"

"Uh-oh." Cullen sighed. "What did I do now?" He asked the question knowing very well what he had done, or what Alistair must have thought he had done. To his surprise, though, his brother didn't even mention that last night in Redcliffe.

"It's nothing you've done and it's nothing bad." Alistair chuckled. "I know that Serena must have told you that we are planning to wed right after the Landsmeet."

"Yes. She told me."

"Well," Alistair continued, "I wanted to ask you if you would stand with me as my witness, my best man."

"It would be an honor, dear brother." Cullen replied with a bow of his head.

Alistair grinned widely. "Good…Well, now that we have that out of the way, you need to hurry up and get washed up and dressed. If I don't bring you downstairs with me, Eamon might skin me alive and nobody wants that, least of all me."

"Yes, Serena might object to a skinless groom." The younger prince quipped. "Give me ten minutes to get ready."

"Alright, but I'll be waiting just outside the door watching the clock across the hall. If you're not out in exactly ten minutes, I'll go fetch Sten to drag you out."

Cullen just shook his head with a smile as he watched his brother walk out into the hall and close the door behind him. He made quick work of washing, dressing and shaving just in case his brother decided to make good on his promise regarding Sten. He wasn't sure that the Qunari would actually agree to do such a thing, but he wasn't going to take the chance just in case he did.

The young prince emerged from his room with thirty seconds to spare. He was expecting Alistair to make one of his usual jokes, but his brother was staring off into space, lost deep in his own thoughts.

"Are you ready to go?" Cullen asked, bringing Alistair back to reality.

"Hmm?" his brother replied as if his mind was still somewhere else before visibly shaking his head from his introspection. "Yes, Eamon is waiting for us."

When they reached Eamon's study, Cullen noticed a frantic looking elf he had never seen before standing beside the arl. Once everyone was in the room, he instructed the woman to tell them all her story. She introduced herself as the queen's handmaiden, Erlina. She told them Arl Howe had kidnapped Anora and locked her in a room in his estate and the queen sent her to ask the Warden for her help to escape her captor. Something about the situation felt off to Cullen, but he kept his mouth shut as Serena and Alistair made plans with the elf to retrieve Anora. When they left, he said a silent prayer for their safety before being approached by Eamon.

"So my boy, I was wondering if you were going to lock yourself away until the Landsmeet."

Cullen shrugged. "I honestly considered it, yes."

The arl chuckled. "Well, we can't have that. Your friends have been asking about you. The young Warden seemed particularly concerned when she made it back to the estate yesterday evening."

The thought that Serena was concerned about him made him smile. Eamon clapped the prince on the shoulder.

"I thought that might make you feel better…Cullen, I know that you and the Warden are quite close and I don't want to discourage a friendship between the two of you, but the position of being king calls for you to keep a certain…decorum. She is to be your brother's wife and I highly advise against you having anything more than friendship between you. Even though Maric and Cailan both had lovers that they kept on the side, they at least tried to be discreet. But with the Warden, I think even using the highest amount of discretion could still be trouble. You carrying on a sexual relationship with your sister-in-law could only end badly anyway you look at it."

Cullen's brows furrowed. "We don't have a sexual relationship. We're just friends."

"I know that she spent the night in your room a few times when you were in Redcliffe."

"Look, she did spend a couple of nights in my room, but we were just talking." The prince explained. "We have never been together in that way."

Eamon rubbed his bearded chin between his thumb and index finger for a few moments. "I see…well, be that as it may, it still looks…wrong."

Cullen could feel his anger rising up inside him. "So you're telling me that as king I am no longer to be allowed to have a private conversation in my room with a friend?"

"I'm not saying that at all, but the Warden is a unique case and we both know it. Bloody hell, Cullen everyone knows it. Anyone who looks at you when she is in the room can see it, including your brother. You moon over that girl like a love-struck teenager and every single time the two of you take off alone together or spend the night together it causes a lot of tongue wagging and speculation."

The young prince sighed. "So my brother thinks I betrayed him."

"Oddly enough, no." the arl answered. "He trusts you completely. If I were in his shoes I don't think that I would, but Alistair knows both of you better than I. All I am saying is that you are only tempting fate spending so much time alone together and that people do notice. Remember, that without knowing either of you well, the majority tends to draw its own conclusions, I know that I did."

Cullen nodded. "I see your point Eamon. Perhaps it is time to finally let go. Serena will be marrying my brother in two days. I guess it's time for me to face that fact."

The arl, who had moved to stand right next to the prince, placed a fatherly arm around Cullen's shoulder. "I am truly sorry, son. Alistair and I talked about the nature of your relationship with the Warden a few times and he explained that you have had feelings for her for several years. I can only imagine how difficult all of this is for you."

Cullen's shoulders slumped as he swallowed back the lump in his throat and held back the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes. It really was over. He wondered if he should speak to Serena about it or if he should just spend the next few days avoiding her. Once the Landsmeet was over and she and Alistair left the city, other than the occasional letter, he would have very little contact with either of them anymore anyway.

"Unless you need me for something else, I think that I'll just return to my room."

Eamon nodded. "I'll have a tray sent up for you."

Cullen gave the man a small, sad smile. "Thank you, Eamon. I think that I shall be taking all of my meals in my room until after the Landsmeet. Please make sure that I am not disturbed unless it is an urgent matter dealing with the throne. I would rather not see anyone otherwise."

"As you wish, your highness." The arl bowed before retrieving a small vial from his pocket. "I am unsure if you remembered to take any lyrium potions over the past few days, but I took the liberty of securing a few for you. With everything going on, I know that such a simple thing can be easy to forget and I highly doubt that you would want a repeat of the incident at Redcliffe."

Cullen was glad that Eamon had remembered his potions because once again he forgot about them. In the tower, his life had been so routine that remembering to take lyrium was just a habit that seemed to come naturally. For the past few months however, his life had been anything but routine and he found himself forgetting more and more often due to the fact that he had more important things to think about. He took the vial from the arl's hand and drank it down right away.

"Thank you, Eamon."

The older man acknowledged Cullen's words with a simple nod before the prince turned and headed back toward his room. When he arrived back at his chambers, he found that his bed had been made and the room had been thoroughly cleaned. He sat down in a stuffed armchair in front of the fireplace and watched the red and orange flames dance within. He thought about all of those nights he spent in camp by the fire. He recalled how good it felt to finally have real friends, to have a family.

That odd bunch of misfits that would follow Serena into the void and back had become his kin, the only family he had ever known. Even before the gauntlet, he always thought of Alistair as more of a brother than anything else. Oghren had become his humorous drunk uncle who was always good for a laugh. Zevran was his eccentric and flamboyant cousin. Leliana was another cousin, who just happened to have a crush on him. Sten was another uncle, probably married into the family so he kept quiet most of the time, but he was always there when the family needed him. Even though he knew that she would probably hurt him for thinking that way, Wynn was his grandmother…no everyone's grandmother, always taking care of everyone and giving sage advice. Morrigan was the haughty big sister who thought she was better than everyone else and Serena…well, Serena was a different story. She was everything. She was home to him. How was he ever going to get by without her in his life? She was his life.

A knock at the door brought him out of his thoughts. It was one of the servants carrying a tray of food for him. Once the elf was gone, he made a sandwich and poured a cup of tea. He had to make himself finish it all and left the rest of the food sitting on the tray. Once he was finished with his meal, he returned to the armchair and became lost in his retrospection once again. He went through every detail that he could remember. Every conversation, every story, every hug, every kiss…he recalled them all. Tears began to stream down his cheeks as he mentally fed his memories to the fire. Somehow, he had to make himself forget. Somehow, he had to let her go.

Sometime during his musings, he had fallen asleep again. He didn't recall his dreams, but he did remember the feeling of delicate fingers running through his hair and a pair of soft lips brushing his cheek. He opened his eyes to find Serena kneeling next to his chair. He straightened his stiff back and gazed into her sapphire eyes. He hoped that the symbolic burning of her memory would help, but seeing her looking at him that way told him that it hadn't.

"What time is it?" he yawned.

"Nearly eleven." She answered quietly.

"I guess I slept away the day again." He mused.

"Eamon asked Alistair to come talk to you." She began. "But once we were out of his earshot, I volunteered."

Cullen frowned. "What's going on Serena? What's wrong?"

She rubbed the bridge of her nose between her fingertips and sighed. "Well, first of all, Arl Howe is dead along with Ser Cauthrien. We had to kill Howe in order to free Anora after his mage put a spell on her door. No big loss, Howe was a murdering lying snake and we found out just how far Loghain's treachery goes when we searched the dungeons. When we were on our way out with the queen, Ser Cauthrien stopped us at the door and tried to arrest us." Serena shook her head. "I had a lot of respect for her. She was a good soldier and a good woman whose only crime was believing in the wrong man."

Cullen knew that there was more to the story or Eamon wouldn't have asked Alistair to come speak to him. "What else happened?" he asked.

"While we were fighting Ser Cauthrien and her men, Anora escaped and ran straight here." She explained. "She was in Eamon's study when we finally got back. She asked for our protection until the Landsmeet is over…and…she wants me to speak up for her at the Landsmeet and support her bid for the throne."

"And what did you say to that?" he asked. He didn't really want to be king, but he definitely didn't think Anora should remain queen.

"I told her that I would have to think on it." Serena replied. "Even though I have no intention of forming an alliance with her, I would rather her believe that I might. I don't trust her at all and I would rather not lay all of my cards out on the table, so to speak."

Cullen smirked. "That's usually the best way to handle people like her."

Serena didn't return his smile. Instead she pursed her lips tight and peered down at Cullen's hands which were resting on his lap. "Anora did give us one important piece of news though. She said that all of the nobles from the outlying lands arrived sooner than expected and Loghain has moved the Landsmeet to midday tomorrow. He was going to wait until the last minute to tell Eamon so he wouldn't have time to thoroughly prepare."

The prince stood and began pacing while Serena remained on her knees watching him. "So what you're saying is that everything is happening tomorrow. I don't even have a whole day left." He looked down at her expectantly hoping that it was just a bad joke.

"Yes, Cullen." She answered sorrowfully. "Tomorrow's the big day for both of us. Eamon asks that you come downstairs for the morning meal so we can go over last minute preparations."

He nodded silently and rested his forearm on the mantle next to him for support. He stood there for a long moment staring into the fire again, not knowing what to think about this new development when he felt Serena's arms circle his waist and her head rest against his back.

He turned in her arms and squeezed her before kissing the top of her head and pulling away. "Thank you for letting me know, Serena." As he spoke, he kept his eyes directed to the wall behind her. Time had run out and he had no more delusions about his future. Although he loved her, he couldn't allow his emotions to betray him anymore. He had to let her go, once and for all. He turned his back to her to face the fireplace once again and crossed his arms. "It's getting late and we both have a long day ahead of us tomorrow. I'll see you in the morning."

"So I guess that's it then." She muttered as if to herself. Cullen could hear the pain in her voice and it was tearing him apart.

"Tomorrow I am going to be announced as king and you will be marrying my brother." He said flatly. "Whatever we had, whatever we were…it ends with the rising of the sun. I'm sorry Serena."

He kept his back stiff until he heard the door click behind him. Upon hearing the sound, his knees gave way and he fell to the floor weeping like a child. Eventually, after what seemed like hours, he found his way to his bed. He lay down upon it and continued to cry until sleep mercifully overtook him.

The next morning, Cullen actually woke on his own. Sometime that morning, someone had come in with a new suit of armor that Eamon had commissioned for when he announced his succession to the throne. It was almost an exact replica of the armor that belonged to Cailan which was the suit that Alistair was slated to wear for the Landsmeet. In fact, the only difference between the two suits was the color. Where Alistair's was gold and black, Cullen's was a bright silver and black. He supposed it was to keep Loghain and the nobles unaware of his parentage until the very last possible second. Eamon didn't trust the Teyrn and thought it better to err on the side of caution.

The prince washed himself, shaved and dressed before slowly making his way to the dining hall where Eamon was waiting nervously for him. Alistair was already downstairs and talking excitedly to Serena between bites of his breakfast. Serena however looked miserable and had busied herself by using her fork to push her food around her plate. She looked up and met Cullen's eyes for just a moment before sadly turning her attention back to what she had been doing before.

The arl went over their plan again, making absolutely sure that Cullen knew when to speak up. Once he was satisfied, he handed the prince a vial of lyrium and told him that he should get something to eat. Cullen however knew that if he tried to eat at that moment, it would just come back up. Between his nervousness over the Landsmeet and his issues with Serena, he was honestly surprised that he wasn't dry heaving. He thought about having a cup of tea to settle his stomach, but the thought of it just made him more nauseous. He was actually surprised that he was keeping down the lyrium potion that he just drank.

At eleven o'clock, Eamon announced that it was time to leave. Cullen was to accompany the arl to the palace and Alistair and Serena were to follow fifteen minutes later. All of his friends wished Cullen good luck on his way out the door, all but Serena who still wouldn't even glance in his direction again. Alistair gave him a brotherly hug. He thanked him again for taking the burden of the crown from him and assured him once more that he was the best man for the job.

By the time they arrived at the palace, most of the nobles had already arrived and Loghain was impatiently waiting next to the throne. He looked absolutely livid that Eamon arrived earlier than he had anticipated. Cullen looked up and saw the Grand Cleric standing there, waiting to affirm his lineage. He felt like a fly caught up in a spider's web that he knew there was no escape from. He drew a few deep breaths to try to settle his nerves.

It seemed like time was dragging by waiting for the inevitable. Eamon had gone up to the balcony above with the rest of the nobles and left Cullen to stand on his own near the wall. The plan was for him to move to stand with Serena and Alistair when they arrived. He began feeling large beads of perspiration forming on his brow when he realized that there were only five minutes left before the Landsmeet started and Serena was nowhere to be seen.

When the large clock finally rang out with its twelfth chime, Eamon addressed the rest of the nobles in order to persuade them to take a stand against Loghain. After a few minutes, Loghain stood and walked toward the center of the room. He addressed the nobles and began talking about the Orlesian war and how putting an unknown king on the throne would ensure Orlesian occupation of the country. Just as Loghain was telling the Landsmeet that Eamon was trying to put a puppet on the throne, Serena and Alistair breezed through the chamber's large double doors. Loghain referred to her as the puppeteer of the conspiracy as she walked toward the middle of the room. Cullen quietly moved into place next to Alistair and awaited his turn to speak.

Loghain began to throw accusations at Serena and she countered every single one with an accusation of her own that was backed up by one of the nobles and even the Grand Cleric herself. When he realized that he was losing ground quickly, Loghain then accused Serena of kidnapping the queen. When Serena started to answer his allegation, the queen appeared through one of the archways behind her father. Anora addressed the nobles, telling them that Serena was the true threat to Ferelden and that putting one of the bastard sons of Maric on the throne would tear apart all that she and Cailan had built. Cullen wasn't really surprised by the queen's treachery, but it did serve to cement in his mind that Anora would do whatever it took to prevent being deposed. She was power-hungry and cared more about maintaining her hold on the kingdom than the kingdom itself. Now more than ever, he knew what he had to do.

Even with Anora standing behind her father, Loghain lost the Landsmeet. In fact, he only garnered one single solitary vote from the nobles. Instead of submitting to that decision, however, Loghain began accusing all of the nobles of being traitors and refused to hand over power. Because of his stubbornness, it was decided that the matter would be settled by a duel between Loghain and a champion of Serena's choosing. Eamon had expected as much and instructed the young Warden to choose Cullen in order to show the nobles the strength and skill of their new king.

After sizing each other up and circling each other for a few minutes, Loghain lunged toward Cullen who evaded him by circling to the right and hitting the teyrn with the pommel of his sword. As much as the prince wanted to just kill the man, he instead took a defensive stance as he was instructed. He blocked and parried Loghain's blade time and time again. When he did delve a blow to the teyrn, it was with the flat side of his blade. After a time, the older man yielded, worn out from the effort of trying to take the much younger, much larger man down. He dropped down to his knees in front of Cullen and looked up at the prince with his tired grey eyes.

"I was concerned about whom Eamon had found to take the throne. When I discovered that there were two of you and the one that was to take the crown was unknown to me, I was worried. I see Maric's strength in you and now that I know that the kingdom will be left in capable hands, I am ready to take whatever punishment you see fit."

Without a word, Cullen turned to Alistair and handed him his sword. "He is all yours brother. Do whatever you see fit."

Alistair brought the blade back and just before he took Loghain's head, Cullen heard his brother say "This is for Duncan."

Eamon, who had come down from the balcony sometime during Cullen's duel with Loghain addressed the Landsmeet once more.

"My lords and ladies, with Loghain's death the matter of the Landsmeet has been decided. Queen Anora will relinquish her throne in favor of one of the Theirin bloodline. Let our new king step forward and announce himself to those who would swear fealty to him."

Cullen picked up his foot and opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off by Alistair sweeping him to the side with his hand.

"I, Alistair Theirin, son of Maric Theirin and brother to Cailan Theirin, shall assume the throne and do hereby claim my birthright as King of Ferelden."


	21. Chapter 21

The remainder of the Landsmeet was a haze. Cullen was still in shock as he made his way back to the arl's estate alone. Eamon, Alistair and Serena stayed behind to discuss matters of state so Cullen left them to it. It was none of his business anymore anyway. When he walked through the doors of the manor, Leliana and Zevran bowed to him.

"Welcome back, your majesty." The red-headed rogue grinned.

Cullen shook his head. "I'm not the king. Alistair decided to take the crown."

"Are you disappointed?" she inquired.

"Not at all." He replied. "I'm just still in shock. I'm not sure what made him decide to do such a thing."

Leliana's eyes narrowed in thought. "Come to think of it, he did look quite upset when he and Serena left here."

Cullen excused himself and went to his room to change out of his armor. He was just about to turn the handle of the door to go back downstairs when it opened, almost hitting him in the face.

Alistair was standing in his doorway, grinning from ear to ear. "Well, aren't you going to congratulate me Ace? You are standing in the presence of the new King of Ferelden."

The prince frowned. "Cut the act your majesty. You didn't want this anymore than I did."

The king shook his head but maintained a smile. "No I didn't, but the idea is beginning to grow on me and I think that I might actually be good at it."

"Even if I believed that" Cullen began, "and I'm not sure that I do, that doesn't explain why you did it."

Alistair's eyes lingered on the floor for a moment before facing his brother again. He sighed. "She turned me down, Ace. Right after you left with Eamon, she pulled me into a corner away from everyone else and placed the ring I gave her in my hand."

"Really?" the prince asked trying to hold back a relieved smile.

"Yeah," the king replied. "First she told me that since we're both Wardens the chances of having a child together are pretty well non-existent and she knows how much I want a family. Then she told me that she loved me, but if we got married it wouldn't be fair to either of us. She told me that she's sorry but as much as she adores and loves me, her heart belongs to someone else and that I deserve to have more than she could give me, that I deserve to be with a woman that loved me with her whole heart. I can't say that I'm happy about her decision. I do love her, but in the long run I think it's for the best."

Cullen felt a stabbing pain in his heart for Alistair. He knew what it felt like to lose the woman he loved. "I'm sorry brother. I never meant for that to happen to you. If you want, I will stay away from her as well."

Alistair's eyes narrowed menacingly. "Didn't I just say that I love her?"

"Yes"

"And if I truly love her, wouldn't I want her to be happy?"

"I suppose, but-"

"Let's put it this way, if I don't attend a wedding this afternoon, I will tear you limb from limb with my bare hands. You may be bigger than me, but I'll manage it somehow."

"Are you sure about this?" Cullen asked apprehensively.

Alistair put a hand on his brother's shoulder. "Cullen, in all seriousness, if I was to lose her to anyone I'd rather it be you because I know that nobody else in the world will love her the way you do." The king swallowed hard. "I guess I've known since the night after we left Kinloch. I saw the way the two of you looked at each other. Not only that, but I've known you for twelve years, and as we traveled across the country I saw Serena bring out a side of you that I didn't even know was there. I kept thinking about how perfect you were for each other, but I loved her and I didn't want to let go of that. I really expected her to turn me down when I asked her to marry me, and when she accepted my proposal I saw how broken up you were about it. If anyone did the wrong thing here it was me. I'm sorry to put you through all of that, Ace. I hope you can forgive me."

Cullen couldn't contain his happiness a moment longer. He threw his arms around his brother's shoulders in a warm hug. "Thank you." He said with all of the sincerity he had inside him.

Alistair laughed as he pulled away. "So what are you waiting for, Ace? Go get her."

Cullen nodded and hurriedly headed for the door. He stopped just as he was reaching for the handle. He turned to his brother.

"Can I ask you for one more favor, brother?"

"I guess that depends on what it is."

"Can you distract Serena long enough for me to run to the market?" he asked. "There's something I need to pick up."

The king chuckled. "Go on. I've got some questions about our preparations for our trip to Redcliffe tomorrow anyway."

Cullen turned the handle and walked as fast as he could through the manor. Once he reached the outer doors, he ran all the way to the _Wonders of Thedas_ shop, praying that what he wanted to buy was still there.

Once he reached the store, he realized that the shopkeeper had moved some things around since the last time he had been in there. He began to search frantically for the item he was looking for. He was just about to give up, thinking that it had been sold when he spotted a small open box behind the counter. Inside was a delicate silver band that held a small, flawless sapphire that just matched the color of Serena's eyes. He noticed it the first time he had visited the shop on their first trip to Denerim and thought if he were ever to ask Serena to marry him that it would be the perfect engagement ring for her.

"Excuse me, good ser, but is that ring still for sale?" the prince inquired.

"Well," the shopkeep smirked. "A visiting nobleman had his eye on it as a gift for his wife and he told me that he would be back for it later this afternoon."

Cullen's shoulders slumped. Now what was he going to do? He supposed he could buy her another ring, but it would never be as special as the one he had his eye on.

"However." The man behind the counter continued. "I might be willing to sell it to you instead…for the right price of course."

Cullen was almost afraid to ask, but he had to know. "And what price might that be?"

"Twenty sovereign." The man replied.

Cullen pulled out his money pouch and counted through the coins. It was almost all he had. As a templar of the Tower of Magi, he received a monthly stipend from the Chantry, but since he hadn't been back to the Hold, he hadn't received any pay since he left.

"Well then." The shopkeeper snarked as he closed the box and went to place it beneath the counter. "I suppose that I shall take that as a no."

Cullen held up his hand. "Wait. I have the money." The owner smiled greedily as the prince dumped his purse onto the counter and began counting out his coin. When he had given the man the sovereigns he required for the ring, Cullen was left with only a few silvers and coppers in his pouch. As he admired the small piece of jewelry on his way back to the estate, he knew that it had been completely worth it though.

When he arrived back at the manor, he found Serena in the dining hall talking with Eamon and Alistair. He was also surprised to see all of the rest of their friends present, including Morrigan. Serena turned to Cullen and smiled sheepishly as if he might be angry with her about something. He took a deep breath before approaching her.

"Hi Cullen." She began. "I was wondering if you and I might be able to talk later, privately."

He wondered what she wanted to talk about. He began to imagine all kinds of things and they were all bad. She was probably going to tell him that she never wanted to see him again, that he needed to go back to the tower. His courage began to falter until he saw his brother glaring at him threateningly from behind Serena's back.

Another deep breath. "Actually, Serena, there's something I need to talk to you about right now."

"Oh?" she questioned.

He opened the small box and presented the ring to her as he dropped down to his knee in front of her and gazed into her sparkling sapphire eyes. "Serena, I have loved you since the very first moment I laid eyes on you, from the first time I touched your hand over six years ago. In all that time, my feelings never wavered, and over the past few months as I've gotten to know you better they've only grown stronger. I spent so much of the time I have known you sacrificing what I wanted for what I thought I needed and what I thought needed to be done. I've come to realize that all of those things are one in the same. You are all I want, all I need…you are everything and the only thing that needs to be done in my life is to be at your side. Say you'll marry me and I swear to you that I will prove my love to you in this life and beyond the veil. I am eternally yours. I have been since that first moment and I will be forever."

Serena stood there looking down at him for what seemed like a lifetime. Her face betrayed no emotion as she reached into the open box in Cullen's hand, pulled out the silver ring inside and slid it onto her trembling finger.

"It's perfect." She breathed.

He saw a tear trickle down her cheek as she stared into his green eyes which were beginning to fill with dread. She pulled him up to a standing position in front of her and slid her arms around his neck before covering his lips in a long passionate kiss. She kissed her way to his ear. He felt her hot breath assaulting his eardrum and it made him shiver with desire.

"I thought you'd never ask." She whispered breathily.

Cullen beamed as he picked her up by her waist and spun her around. Serena began giggling like a little girl at the sensation. He couldn't contain his joy as he took her face in his hands and kissed her again. For the first time since they had known each other, he could finally kiss her anytime he wanted without caring who was around to see.

"Okay, you two." Alistair interrupted with a chuckle. "If Her Grace has to wait much longer, she's going to get cranky and nobody wants to deal with a cranky Grand Cleric." Serena looked at the king with a puzzled expression before he explained. "Well, we were all prepared for a wedding anyway, we might as well go ahead and have one, right?"

"Are you sure, Alistair?" Serena questioned apprehensively.

"Absolutely." He replied with certainty. "Starting tomorrow, we have to get back to dealing with the Blight. You should probably go ahead and do this while you have the chance."

She ran over to the king and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you."

Alistair gave her a low bow of his head in response.

Serena circled around and hurried back to Cullen. She gave him a quick kiss. "Meet me at the Chantry in half an hour? I need a little time to get ready."

"Of course, my love." He responded. His term of endearment made her grin widely before she planted one more kiss on his lips and ran toward her room. Cullen turned to his brother. "So does this mean that you're willing to be my best man?"

"I better be after all of this shit." Alistair harrumphed.

"Thank you again, brother."

"You owe me one." The king smirked. "You know that right."

"I owe you everything." Cullen said in response.

Cullen changed quickly and hurried to the Chantry to await his bride. As soon as he heard Leliana's voice ring out through the building he knew that it was time to begin. Serena appeared in the doorway holding onto Wynn's arm. The prince mused at the symbolism of the gesture of the older woman giving away a younger mage to a templar in marriage. It was absolutely perfect. Serena was dressed in a simple, cream colored gown similar to the blue one she wore the night she confessed her love for him. The best part about her appearance though was the happy glow on her face. He had never seen her look more beautiful than she did the moment she stepped up next to him and gazed into his eyes. At that moment he realized that not only was the Maker smiling on him for the first time in his life, but he had actually become the luckiest man in Thedas.

After the ceremony, there was a great feast at the arl's estate honoring the new king and the happy couple. In the morning they would be heading for Redcliffe, but for that evening they would have one final celebration of life before they had to face the daunting task that lay ahead in their futures. After a few hours and many toasts to the bride and groom, Serena tapped Cullen on the shoulder. He turned to see her standing above him with a lascivious smirk on her face. She bent down and nipped at his earlobe before whispering into his ear.

"While I am enjoying all of the revelries, dear husband, I can think of something I would much rather be doing, if you wouldn't mind accommodating me that is."

Cullen felt himself grow hard almost immediately as he let out a long ragged breath. She took his large hand into her delicate one and helped him from his chair then led him quickly and quietly from the hall. As soon as they were away from everyone, she pushed him against the wall and began kissing him passionately. For the first time, he didn't have to push her away. For the first time, he could be with her without guilt or remorse. As much as he wanted her, he was beginning to feel more than a little nervous. Although they had come close a few times, he had never actually been with anyone before. In fact, she was the only woman he had ever kissed or touched at all. He began to worry that her expectations were more than he could live up to. The last thing he wanted was to disappoint her and make her regret her decision to marry him.

"Wait," he breathed between kisses. "Serena, wait."

Her sapphire eyes were desperate as they searched his. "What's wrong, love?"

"Let's go back to our room before we get too carried away out here in the hall."

She whined a bit before placing her hand in his open palm. He led her to their room and locked the door behind them. When he turned to face her again, she began kissing him hungrily and tearing at his shirt.

"Wait, love" he insisted. "Please, just give me a moment."

Sadness and disappointment overtook the look of desire on her face. "Don't you want to be with me?" she asked.

He gently brushed the hair away from her face and tucked it behind her ears. "Of course I do, more than anything in fact. It's just that we have all night and I don't want to just rush through this. For our first time together…for my first time…I want to make love to you, slowly and gently, the way I have always imagined it would be."

She smiled up at him, her love for him reflecting in her sapphire eyes. "I would love that Cullen."

With her words, he covered her mouth with a soft, slow kiss. He encircled her waist with his big strong arms and slowly moved his hands up her back. His left hand continued its journey upward, while his right found the top hook of her dress. While the fingers of his left hand became entangled in her dark brown hair, the fingers of his right slowly moved down her back loosening hooks as they went. When he finally freed the last hook, Serena took a step back and let the frock fall from her shoulders to the floor. Cullen sucked in a sharp breath as he took in her form standing in the firelight in nothing but a thin pair of smalls. He took a step toward her and his lips found hers again. He then bent his knees and lifted her easily from the floor before gently laying her down on the bed. He moved his mouth from her lips to her bare breasts and slowly began working his tongue across her nipples. He savored her taste and the scent of her skin as he moved from one breast to the other and back again. He ran his tongue up her sternum and covered her shoulder with his mouth, sucking softly on the flesh beneath. He felt her hands move down his sides as she untucked his shirt from his trousers.

"Take this off." She whispered hoarsely. "I want to feel your skin against mine."

He honored her request and went one step further by removing his pants and boots until he was the one standing before her in only his small clothes. A cat like grin overtook her face as she crawled across the bed toward him and stuck her tongue in his navel. She kissed her way down to his covered manhood and licked it through his undergarment which made his body tremble and his manhood throb with his need for her. As good as what she was doing felt, it wasn't the way he wanted it to be that night, at least not the first time. He honestly hoped that they would be able to do it more than once that evening. He put his hands to the sides of her face and lifted her head so he could look her in the eyes before sitting down beside her and kissing her lips again. He laid her back gently onto the pillows and then slowly peeled her small clothes down her legs. After removing his own, he kissed her once more and positioned himself between her thighs. He could feel her heat radiating against his groin as he moved his mouth to her ear. He nipped at the lobe and moved his hand down in order to guide his manhood into her. Just as he entered her, he softly whispered, "I love you, Serena." into her ear.

As soon as he was buried inside of her completely she turned his face to look at her. "I love you too, Cullen." she said as she searched his green eyes with her blue ones, "with all of my heart." With those words, the prince's body quivered through his first release. Serena began kissing him again and ground herself against him as he came. When he felt the last tremors of his orgasm, he began moving his hips in a slow steady rhythm as he stared deep into her eyes. Before long, Serena found her own release and Cullen felt the faint spark of magic growing inside of her as she rocked against him. The sensation of feeling her muscles contract around him and the small sparks of magic her body was giving off caused him to release for the second time.

By the time they decided that they were exhausted enough to sleep, Cullen had lost count of the amount of orgasms that Serena had and knew for certain that he experienced at least six. He would have to remember to thank Zevran for giving him that stamina potion just before the feast started. He had dreamed about making love to Serena hundreds of times over the years, but he could never have imagined how incredibly wonderful it could actually be. Serena fell asleep with her head against Cullen's chest as he gently stroked her damp hair. He fell asleep shortly afterward, completely content and knowing that she would still be there when he awoke in the morning.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: I apologize for this update taking so long. My original plan was to finish the last 3-4 chapters and post them together, but it seems that life has gotten in the way over the past couple of months. Not only that, but writer's block hit me in full force. I actually wrote this chapter mid-January, but was delaying it until I finished the story. Considering I'm stuck on a particular part in Chapter 23, I decided to go ahead and post this one now. Hopefully, I'll be able to break through the block sometime in the next few days and can finish this story. **

The following morning, Cullen awoke to the sun shining on his face. He looked down to see the most beautiful woman in the world lying in his arms. He lay there for a long moment just watching her sleep.

_My wife _he thought with a smile as he tenderly tucked her hair behind her ear. She stirred slightly before looking up at him with half closed lids and a sheepish grin.

"Good morning."

He kissed her forehead. "Good morning, my love. How did you sleep?"

She sighed contentedly. "Better than I ever have in my life."

"I know exactly what you mean." He agreed as he ran his fingertips gently down her spine to rest on her hip. "But I suppose we should probably get up now. We have a long trip ahead of us."

She took his hand and slid it up to cup her bare breast. "Not yet." She whispered just before she covered his mouth with a long sensuous kiss. She rolled him over onto his back and straddled him as she kissed down his neck. He sucked in a quick breath when she covered his shoulder with her mouth and began sucking on it slightly before she reached down and guided him into her. He knew that they needed to get ready to leave, but at that moment he didn't care. The only thing in the world that mattered was being with Serena and the Blight would just have to wait a while longer.

It was another hour and half before Cullen and Serena finally walked hand in hand through the doorway of the dining hall where they were greeted with knowing looks and smiles. The only one of their companions who wasn't present was Alistair and Cullen felt a small pang of guilt as he thought about what his brother must have been going through. As the couple sat down to eat their morning meal, Leliana approached and sat at a chair across the long table.

"So I take it that the two of you had a pleasant evening?" she asked slyly.

Zevran appeared behind her. "My room was right next to theirs and if the sounds coming through the walls were any indication, I say that the evening was much more than merely pleasant."

Cullen's face reddened as he stole a glance at Serena. The sexy little smirk playing at the corners of her mouth made him want her all the more. If it was up to him, Cullen would have kept her upstairs in bed all day, but he knew that wasn't an option. He was brought out of his thoughts by Zevran clearing his throat.

"Sorry," Cullen muttered sheepishly. Then he remembered that he still needed to thank the elf, but he wasn't sure how to do it without Serena knowing. "By the way, Zev, thank you for the…um…help."

"Yes," Serena grinned. "It worked like a charm."

Cullen's brow furrowed quizzically and Serena shrugged. "I actually asked Zev to give you that potion. It wasn't that I thought you wouldn't do just fine on your own…it's just that…I've been waiting over six years to be with you and I wanted it to last as long as possible. I hope you're not angry with me."

The prince squeezed her hand and stared into her eyes. "I could never be angry with you, especially not for that. Last night was the best night I've ever had in my life."

Cullen heard Morrigan groan from behind them. "Ugh, will you please stop now. You two are making me ill."

"Excellent!" Alistair exclaimed from the doorway. "Morrigan vomit. I'd pay to see that."

Cullen quickly let go of Serena's hand and turned his attention to the king. He didn't want to hurt his brother anymore by flaunting his relationship with Serena in front of him. Alistair sauntered into the room and stood next to Cullen before getting down to business.

"As soon as the two of you are finished with your meal, we need to get underway. Eamon left for Redcliffe several hours ago, so we're already behind. There have been reports that the darkspawn are headed for the village so we should get there as soon as possible."

"Of course." Cullen acknowledged. "We will be ready momentarily."

He and Serena finished up their breakfast quickly and made short work of packing to leave so that they were under way within the hour. Over the following week and a half as they traveled back to Redcliffe, Cullen and Serena spent almost every moment together. Every night they would retire to their tent early to make love. As close as the prince had felt to Serena before, it was nothing compared to the intimacy they now shared both sexually and non-sexually. Being with her made his life complete. She was the other half to his whole. He only wished he wouldn't have wasted so many years that could have been spent with her, but they were both still young and even with the taint in Serena's blood, once the Blight was over they would still have many years left to be together.

They arrived just outside of Redcliffe late in the afternoon on the ninth day only to find out that the village had been overrun by Darkspawn. It hadn't been attacked by the bulk of the horde, but there were enough of the creatures to wipe out half of the small hamlet. So many small towns had been destroyed after Ostagar that Cullen wondered how much of the country would be left if the Blight wasn't ended soon.

Serena and her companions went through the village and cleared out all of the Darkspawn they could find. When they made their way back to the castle, they found that many more of the creatures had breached the walls. Once those were cleared as well, a guard informed them that the arl had been waiting for them with some important news. By the time they got inside night had fallen and they discovered that Riordan, the Orlesian Warden that Serena rescued from Howe's dungeon, had arrived just ahead of them. They also found out that the bulk of the horde was headed to Denerim and estimated to be only two days away from the city. There was no way that the army could reach the capital in time to cut the creatures off. To make matters worse, Riordan revealed that the archdemon had shown itself and was leading the creatures into the city and made it clear that the three remaining Wardens had to get there quickly since they were the only ones who could kill the creature.

It was decided that they would depart with the army at dawn, but before they retired for the evening Serena posed a question to the senior Warden that had been on Cullen's mind for quite some time. She asked how the three of them were supposed to defeat the archdemon and instead of giving them an explanation, Riordan seemed disturbed by the fact that she and Alistair didn't already know the answer. He asked the two younger Wardens to meet him in his room to discuss the details in private. The whole ordeal felt rather ominous to Cullen, but after traveling with Wardens over the past few months, he knew that the order kept a very tight rein on their secrets.

It had been a long trip and Cullen decided to take the opportunity to have a quick bath while his wife was conferring with her fellow Wardens. When he went to stow his things in his and Serena's room, he was more than a little surprised to see Morrigan in the hallway near the door.

"Is there something I can do for you, Morrigan?" he asked.

"I need nothing from you templar." She replied haughtily. "Tis your wife with whom I wish to speak."

Cullen shrugged. He was too tired and too concerned about what Riordan told them to deal with the witch at that moment. He just wanted to wash off the dust from the road, make love to his wife and try to get some sleep before they started for Denerim the next morning. He hurriedly gathered some clean clothes and a fresh towel before heading to the washroom, skirting around Morrigan on his way out of the door. He made quick work of washing and was in and out within fifteen minutes.

On his way back to the bed chambers, while walking through the main hall, he heard Alistair's voice echo from one of the rooms.

"Hey Ace," the king called "can I talk to you for a few minutes?"

"Sure." Cullen answered, entering Alistair's room. "What's up?"

Forlorn was the word that came to mind when the prince saw his brother's face. Whatever Riordan told Alistair and Serena must have been really bad. The king began pacing the way he always did when he was either nervous or trying to think through the best way to delve out bad news. At that very moment, it seemed that he was walking the floor for both reasons. After what had to be at least five minutes, he stopped and turned to Cullen. His jaw was clenched with determination, but his eyes were sad and anxious.

"Look," Alistair began darkly "you know if something happens to me that the throne will fall to you, right?" Cullen nodded wordlessly. "I just wanted to make sure that you're aware of that fact. Anora has been imprisoned, but she knows a lot of influential people that she considers friends. I don't think that she'll hesitate to try to take back the throne in the event of my demise. If I fall, you must be prepared to lead this country. After everything we've seen from her since our dear brother's untimely death, you and I both know that she can never be allowed to rule." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Just promise me…no swear to me that you will not abdicate."

"You have my word, brother." The prince replied with concern. "But why are you coming up with this now? What did Riordan say?"

Alistair shook his head. "I will let Serena tell you that if she wishes."

Cullen felt a large knot forming in the pit of his stomach. Since his brother brought the subject up, he did have one question about being king if the unthinkable occurred. "What about Serena?" he asked quietly.

The king seemed slightly confused by the question. "O-kay…what about Serena?"

Cullen exhaled slowly. "In the off chance that something _were _to happen and I had to become king, what would be done about my marriage. Would the Chantry have it annulled? I know that if I were to become king before we married I wouldn't be allowed to marry her, but I'm not sure how that would work since we're already wed."

Alistair flashed one of his signature boyish grins. "See? That's exactly why I know I made the right decision about the two of you. I know how much you didn't want to be king and how the very idea of it terrified you, yet when I tell you there's a possibility that you might have to take the crown after all, your biggest concern is Serena."

Cullen shrugged. "Serena is my only concern." He stated simply.

The king placed a hand on his brother's shoulder and shook his head. "No, the Chantry won't have your marriage annulled. The only thing that would happen is that Serena would not be allowed to be queen and you would rule singularly as if you were never married. Then, if the two of you were to have a child and as long as it wasn't a mage, that child would inherit the throne just like any other heir."

The prince was still suspicious. "And what makes you so sure of this?"

"Eamon and I discussed it after your wedding," Alistair replied "which pissed me off slightly considering he failed to mention that fact when I proposed to her. In the end, I think it worked out for the best though."

Cullen nodded. "Thank you again for that."

"I can't say that I'm not jealous at all." the king confessed. "You're a very lucky man, Ace."

"I know." The prince agreed quietly.

"There's one more thing I need to tell you" Alistair said as he turned toward the fireplace behind him "just in case I don't get the chance later." He crossed his arms and sighed heavily. "I just wanted to say that your friendship has meant more to me than you can possibly imagine, and discovering that we are brothers...When I met Goldanna and found out what a bitch she is, my hopes of ever having a real family kind of died that afternoon. When we found out the truth from our father…" The king circled to face Cullen once again. "I couldn't have asked for a better family. It has been both an honor and a privilege to call you my brother."

"I know exactly what you mean." The prince acknowledged. "I never thought that I would find out anything about my family or who I am. I don't care about being Maric Theirin's son, but discovering that you and I are family…I couldn't have hoped for better." Cullen felt tears stinging at his eyes and he noticed that Alistair's were glistening a bit as well. All of this talk of death and defeat was more than he could handle. His brow furrowed and his eyes narrowed. "Don't tell me you're going to give up so easily though. I refuse to lose my only living relative to a bloody darkspawn, I don't care how big it is. We're going to find that Archdemon and we're going to kick its ass. Even if I can't be the one to take its blighted head, I can still help you take it down."

Alistair nodded and smiled with determination. "You're right. All this talk of dying is completely useless. We're Theirins. Our father drove the bloody Orlesians out of this country after almost eighty years of occupation and we're going to drive the darkspawn right back into the Deep Roads. We'll teach that fucking bastard a lesson about Ferelden justice."

Cullen held out his fist and his brother bumped his knuckles with his own. "Exactly." The prince agreed. "Tomorrow, we go dragon hunting."

"You said it brother." Alistair smirked.

"But for tonight," Cullen smiled "I'm going to go find my bed."

"See you in the morning then." the king agreed. Just as Cullen reached the door, he added. "Tell Serena I said goodnight."

"Will do."

Cullen left his brother's room and made his way down to the door at the end of the hall that led to a smaller corridor housing his and Serena's room on the left and Riordan's room further in and to the right. He was happy to see that Morrigan was no longer lurking around outside their door, but he wondered if she and Serena were inside the room together. He decided that he didn't want to just barge in and interrupt, so he rapped on the wood lightly. He waited a few moments with no answer so he knocked a bit harder. After a few more seconds he called Serena's name through the door. When there was still no response, he carefully turned the knob and stole a peek inside to find the chambers empty. He found it a little odd that his wife still wasn't back to their room, but figured that she probably had the same idea he had and felt the need to bathe after their long journey.

He found a stuffed chair by the fireplace and settled himself in with a book written about his father and the king's struggles against the Orlesians during the rebellion. The next thing he knew, he was being awoken by the feel of a soft pair of lips and a warm tongue on his neck. He opened his eyes to see the most beautiful woman in the world smiling at him. He had no idea how long he had been asleep, but he had obviously been correct in his assumption that Serena went for a bath because her hair was still damp and the fresh scent of soap and her perfume hung heavily in the air around her. She sat gingerly upon his lap before running her left arm behind his back and placing her right hand on his left shoulder. She then placed her head on his right shoulder and gave him a warm squeeze. In response, he cupped her chin and lifted it so he could see her face, then tucked her damp hair behind her ear before grinning sleepily at his bride.

"Hello, beautiful." He whispered.

She kissed him tenderly in answer to his greeting. "I'm sorry it took so long. I had some things to attend to."

Cullen gazed into her sapphire eyes before gently pressing his forehead to hers. "No need to apologize, my love. I understand. I guess I must have dozed off for a bit though."

He was just about to ask her about Riordan and Morrigan, when his thoughts were completely driven away by the feel of her soft lips on his. As she kissed him, she moved her hands to his neck and pulled him in closer. Without another word, he shifted his weight in order to maintain his balance and stood, scooping her up into his arms in the process. He carried her to the bed and laid her gently down on it.

Their lovemaking that night was beyond anything he had experienced thus far. Even their wedding night didn't compare to the tender passion they shared. Serena professed her love for him so many times that he lost count and when they were finished and lying trembling in each other's arms, he felt closer to her than he ever had before. He was almost positive that it had something to do with what Riordan told her and Alistair, but at that moment he didn't want to know. The way Serena made love to him, so desperately and fervently as if she were trying to lay bare every part of her love and her heart to him, coupled with the conversation he and his brother had earlier told him without a doubt that the news the senior Warden related to them was beyond bad. Cullen did want to know what was in store for their futures, but not right then. Right then, that room…that bed, was his entire world and nothing else existed.

They lay like that, limbs entwined around bodies that were pressed tightly together, for quite a while. Serena finally loosened her grip on Cullen and moved her hand up to his chest. She began playing with the small patch of hair that sparsely decorated that spot. He felt her chest rise heavily as she sighed.

"You know what I've always wanted to do?" she asked quietly.

"You mean besides fishing?" the prince chuckled.

He felt her smile against his shoulder. "Yes, besides fishing…I've always wanted to find my family."

Since he never knew anything about his own family until very recently, Cullen understood that want very well. As a mage of the Circle, Serena would have known very little if anything about her family. Except under very extreme and unusual circumstances, once one with the gift entered the Circle, they were never allowed contact with their families or anyone from their former lives. Most young mages wanted to know about their families, at least the ones that were either taken or given to the Circle at a young age.

He softly caressed her arm with his fingertips. "Well, do you know anything at all about them? Do you know where your people come from or have any names?"

She shrugged. "I know that my mother's name was Revka Amell and from what I understand she was unmarried when I was born. I've also been led to believe that my family was important, but I don't have a clue where they were from."

It wasn't much information to go on and Cullen desperately wanted to help her fulfill her dream of finding her kin. "Do you remember anything from before the Circle?"

She shook her head before peering up at him. Her sapphire eyes were glistening and he could tell that she was trying not to break down.

"I was only five when I came to Ferelden. I don't remember much before that. There are a few things that I can still recall, but I honestly haven't thought about it for years." Her face took on a haunted appearance as she began to delve into memories that until that very moment had been occupying the deep recesses of her mind. "I don't remember my mother's face at all anymore, but I do remember her holding onto me and telling me to never forget that she loved me. I also remember an older man, my grandfather I think, pulling her away. I was surrounded by these huge white buildings and there were statues made from some sort of metal, all kinds of them and they were horrible. I remember there were some that looked mean and there were some that looked sad. There were big ones that looked like they were crying. Then the templars put me in a room with bars, like in a dungeon. I don't know how long I was there, but some time later I was taken to a really large ship with several other people. Some were children like me and some were a little bit older. There were a couple of much older women in robes and a few Templars. It seemed like we sailed forever and when we finally reached land, it took quite a bit longer before we reached the tower. I remember how big it was and how much it scared me when I found out that I was going to be living there."

As Serena related her memories, it was almost as if the story was being told by a small girl. She was explaining everything just the way she remembered it, just the way she saw it when she was a frightened five year old child who had just been ripped from her mother's arms. Cullen felt a pang of regret knowing that he had perpetrated that exact same scenario in the lives of a few of the children that were taken to the Circle after he arrived. The one thing he found comfort in was the fact that he knew exactly where his wife was taken from.

He tenderly began stroking her dark brown hair. "I know the place you described." he told her and he saw a glimmer of hope flash in her eyes. "The first Circle you were taken to was the Gallows in Kirkwall. I was there about a year and a half ago. When Anders ran away for the sixth time and before he was caught and put in solitary confinement, Irving decided that the tower needed another spirit healer. Other than Anders, Wynn was the only one that had any real talent for it. Irving wasn't sure what was going to happen with Anders even if he was brought back so he requested that another healer be transferred from another Circle. Kirkwall had a couple of decent healers and needed the talents of an arcane mage so with permission from the Knight Commanders, the two First Enchanters worked out a trade. I accompanied Rylock and Betz when they took Karl Thekla and a few of the children from the tower to Kirkwall and we brought back a few of the children from the Gallows along with Grace Mackay."

Serena frowned. "I remember how furious Anders was when he found out about Karl before the Templars locked him away in the dungeon and when he got out he was still in an uproar about it when Jowan mentioned it. Karl was his mentor and one of the only people in the tower that Anders actually trusted."

Cullen shook his head. "I remember that too and Greagoir made it worse by telling Anders that it was his own fault that Karl had to leave. It took three templars to take Anders to the floor when he tried to encase the Knight-Commander in ice. He's not exactly small or weak by any stretch of the imagination, not to mention the fact that he's more than competent with his gift. I honestly think that he probably could have taken Greagoir out if the other templars hadn't been there and I think that he was just angry enough that day to do it."

"Oh I'm sure of it." Serena agreed before becoming quiet again.

Cullen waited for her to say something else, but she just remained silent. He caressed her cheek and then kissed her forehead. His green eyes stared intently into her sapphire ones.

"I swear to you, when this is all over I will take you to Kirkwall and we will find your family."

With those words, Serena lost what little restraint she had been able to maintain as mute tears began streaming down her cheeks. A feeling of panic began to well up inside Cullen as he helplessly watched her crying. He had hoped that his words would cheer her up but the look on her face was one of tortured heartbreak. He squeezed her tightly to his chest, trying to hold back tears of his own.

"I…I am so sorry, my love." He stammered. "I wasn't trying to upset you."

She shook her head against him. "No, sweetheart" she sobbed, her voice muffled by the muscles of his chest. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I would love to go to Kirkwall with you…I guess I'm just a bit overwhelmed by the gesture."

Although the prince was relieved to hear that it wasn't his suggestion that caused her to start crying, he knew that she wasn't being forthcoming with the truth behind the tears. His conversation with Alistair was brought to mind once again. He decided to let it be and just held her until her shoulders stopped shaking with her sobs, wishing that there was something more he could do for her. She was obviously carrying a heavy burden that she thought that she had to bear alone. It was times like that when Cullen wished that he was a Grey Warden as well just so she could know that he fully understood her and what she was going through.

She wiped her eyes with her fingertips. "I'm sorry" she mumbled. "I don't know what brought that on."

"Don't ever feel like you have to apologize to me for crying." He reassured her. "I told you that my arms are always right here waiting for you when you need them and I'm willing to listen to anything you want or need to say."

She nuzzled his shoulder with her cheek. "You are too good to me, husband. I am the luckiest woman in the Thedas to have your love."

He tucked her hair behind her ear again. "No my love, I'm the lucky one. I just hope that someday I can prove myself worthy of you."

She smiled up at him. "You already have, Cullen…many, many times."

He kissed her gently. "It's getting late and we have to get up early. We should try to get some sleep."

She nodded before kissing him one last time and settling into his arms for the night. "I love you, Cullen…with all of my heart."

He hugged her tightly. "I love you too Serena…You _are _my heart and you always will be."


	23. Chapter 23

A tremendous banging on the door woke the couple a few short hours later, and a glance out the window told Cullen that it was still well before dawn. They quickly dressed and packed their belongings before meeting everyone else in the dining hall. Instead of the usual breakfast fare, they were each given a bowl of porridge and a cup of water for their morning meal which was what all of the soldiers were being fed as well.

Cullen took a look around him and realized that someone was missing.

"Did anyone wake Morrigan?" he asked.

"She's gone." Serena stated flatly.

"Gone? But why?"

Serena shook her head. "It was her choice. I asked her to stay and help us, but she had her own path to follow."

"I'm sorry, love." the prince said with a frown. "I know that you considered her a friend, and to know that she abandoned you…"

The young Warden shrugged. "No, it's okay. I'm not angry with her. She had to do what she felt was necessary…as do we all."

Cullen couldn't help but feel that there was more behind his wife's words than what she actually spoke, but once again he wasn't sure he wanted to know so he quickly dropped the subject.

The first rays of the sun were beginning to appear over the horizon when Serena and the rest of her companions took their place at the head of the troops and began marching in the direction of Denerim. Even though he appointed Serena leader of his armies, Alistair surprised everyone when he took the reins from her. The king seemed to handle it well though, almost as if he were born into it. He drove them hard, marching them from before sun-up and well after sundown every day. All of their meals consisted of simple foods already stowed in their packs that could be eaten while on the move. Without stopping for meals and adding so many more marching hours, they found themselves in sight of the city on the morning of the sixth day, effectively cutting three days off the time the journey normally took.

Before heading into Denerim, Alistair stopped the troops at a mill just outside a small farm in order to rally the tired men. When he stepped up before them, he had an air about him that told the entire company he was without a doubt their leader and after he spoke with such fervor and conviction, every man and woman present was prepared to follow him into the Void if it was so required. Cullen had never seen that side of Alistair before and found himself even more proud to call the man his brother. In the face of danger, the bastard prince had become the ruler that the country needed. He truly was the King of Ferelden and more than worthy of that title.

When they reached the city gates, they found themselves overrun by Darkspawn. The creatures seemed to be pouring in from all around. Just when they thought they had a handle on things, more of the vile beasts would appear and they would have to fight their way through once again. It was hours before the last of the creatures that breached the walls had been slain, but they knew that they would only have a few precious moments before more would try to break through the hastily erected barricades that stood just inside the archway.

Riordan, who had left ahead of the army the night before to scout out the city, approached them. "I see that you've managed to fight your way to the gates. We're doing better than I hoped."

After the skirmish they had just encountered, some of the others began to express their concern that they were fighting a losing battle, but Serena managed to ignore their negativity as she always did.

"I take it you have a plan?" she asked the senior Warden.

"The army will not last long." Riordan stated matter-of-factly. "So we need to move quickly to reach the archdemon before nightfall. Once it is dark, more of the creatures will come and we will not be able to hold them back." He turned to address Alistair. "Your Majesty, I suggest taking Serena and no more than two others into the city so you can get through more quickly. Anyone that you don't bring with you can remain here and prevent more Darkspawn from entering Denerim on our tails. They should be able to hold the gates until dusk. Once the archdemon is obliterated, the rest of the horde will dissipate and begin to make their way back to the Deep Roads."

"But what do we do if the archdemon isn't defeated by the time the sun sets?" asked Zevran. "If we are to be outnumbered the way you suggested, I don't see a point in remaining here just to be killed and have no real impact on the number of Darkspawn entering the city."

"If the archdemon has not been slain by nightfall, get yourselves to safety quickly. If we fail and none of the three of us makes it, you will want to get yourselves as far away from the city as possible and then pray that more Wardens are sent from Orlais. Otherwise the Blight will spread further and the whole of Ferelden will be doomed."

"Ahh." Zevran responded casually "Well, it is good to know that you do not expect us to stay here and die if the worst happens."

Serena shot a dirty look at the elf and shook her head before giving her attention back to Riordan. "We have already discussed what needs to be done to fight the dragon." he continued. "I did sense at least two generals in the city, but I can't tell you exactly where they are. It is up to you to decide if seeking them out before you head to the top of Fort Drakon is worth the time it will take to find them. There are several of your allies already within the city who may be able to help you if you choose to seek out the generals but their strength will be limited."

"Thank you for the information, Riordan." Alistair said with a slight bow of his head. "Do you have anything more for us before we go?"

"No." Riordan replied. "While you are giving your people their orders, I will head into the city on my own. Hopefully I can draw the archdemon's attention and slay it before you even make it to Fort Drakon. Nothing you have done has prepared you for what you will face now. May the Maker watch over you."

Serena gave him a sad smile. "May he watch over us all."

Once Riordan had taken his leave, Alistair looked all of them over in turn as if trying to decide who to take and who to leave behind.

"Sten, you will lead those who are staying to defend the gates."

The qunari nodded his head to the king. "As you wish."

Alistair took a deep breath before continuing. "Serena, you will be with me of course."

The young mage gave a silent bow of her head.

"Leliana, we're going to need another long range fighter and I think your bow would fit that bill perfectly."

The red-headed rogue smiled, and clapped her fist to her heart. "It would be my honor, your majesty."

He then turned to Cullen and held out his knuckles. "What do you say, brother? You ready to go kick some Darkspawn ass?"

The prince touched his fist against Alistair's and smirked. "You know it."

Alistair turned his attention back to those they were leaving behind. "Before we head into the city, just in case I don't get another chance, I want you to know that it has been my great honor to shed blood with you all. You are more than adherents of the Grey Wardens or the King of Ferelden. You have become family, brothers and sisters in arms. Do not lose heart, my friends. We go into battle today to claim victory over these monsters that threaten to destroy our homes and our very existence. _This_ is the day we make our stand. _This_ is the day that we will rise up and triumph over our enemies. Never before has a Blight ended so quickly, but I swear to you on _this_ day, the Blight _will_ end."

With the king's words, any courage that had been wavering had been restored and their companions' faith in themselves and each other had been renewed. Just as the four of them started for the gates, Serena stopped in her tracks and ran back to her friends. She gave each of them a warm hug and thanked them for being a part of her life. Even Sten allowed her to show her affection for him in that way. Cullen noticed that even though her eyes remained straight forward, her cheeks were damp with tears. He reached over and placed her hand in his, and she promptly gave it a tight squeeze.

"I love you, Cullen." she whispered.

"I love you too, Serena." He replied, gripping her hand.

"Thank you" she smiled "for always being there for me, for being my best friend, and for never giving up on me. Most of all, I want to thank you for making me your wife. At least I have known what true happiness is, if only for a short while."

Cullen felt panic begin to rise in his chest. Why was she saying goodbye? Why now? They hadn't even entered the city yet. Facing the archdemon was a scary prospect, but there was no reason to believe that they wouldn't all make it out of the fight alive.

"Serena, don't do that." He scolded. "This is not goodbye. We can do this. I have faith in that." He turned to look at her, but she kept her eyes straight forward. "Have faith in me. As long as I draw breath, I will not allow anything to harm you and I don't plan on dying today."

A weak smile curled the left corner of her mouth as she nodded.

Their conversation was interrupted by the ringing sound of a sword being drawn. "Are all of you ready?" Alistair asked with sword in hand.

"On your word, your majesty." Leliana answered removing the longbow from her back.

Cullen stole one final glance at his wife whose jaw was clenched with determination. He raised his hands above his head and drew his claymore from its sheath. "Lead on brother."

Serena pulled her staff and twirled it with her right hand a couple of times before slamming it to the ground. Her eyes narrowed. "Let's do this." She hissed with resolute indignation.

As the four of them made their way to the inner city gate, they fell in perfect step side by side. Dozens of soldiers flanked them, cheering them on as they marched toward the city. The companions never slowed or faltered, but kept their eyes straight ahead toward the entrance.

Once they cleared the gates, the plan was to take the main path to the bridge leading to the alienage. They were surprised to find that the number of darkspawn along the path was quite sparse and the ones that they did find were taken out rather quickly and easily. The road they trod forked at the back of Arl Eamon's Denerim estate. The northern path led to the Market District which they could reach the alienage through, while the path east was a straight shot to the bridge that lead to the home of the city elves.

Unfortunately, they found out fairly quickly that the expeditious trail was completely blocked just beyond the divide which forced them to double back and take the long way around. As they neared the gates that opened to the Market District, they could hear the battle raging within while acrid black smoke burned their lungs. Once inside the walls, Cullen became aware of just how dire the situation really was. Fires had been set to almost every storefront and the central bazaar had been completely destroyed. The few city guards that remained along with a squadron of Denerim soldiers and the few mages and Templars sent by the Tower were all that was left to keep the first of two darkspawn generals from advancing further into the city.

"We need to help them." Leliana cried. Before the rest of the company could respond, an ogre which had just ripped the head from the body of one of the mages turned and saw the four companions standing there. The beast opened its mouth wide and let out a loud roar accompanied by a torrent of saliva and the blood of its victims before charging toward them. That got the attention of two more ogres along with many of the darkspawn surrounding it. With tremendous speed, the creatures began to descend upon the small band near the gates.

"Leliana, find some place higher up and take out those genlocks." Serena commanded. The rogue nodded and took off at a run toward one of the nearby buildings that the fires had not yet compromised. One of the ogres veered from his course and went after the red-head. Serena noticed just in time to hit it with an ice spell which knocked the brute from its feet. Leliana used the giant's falling body to catapult herself onto a proximate roof. As soon as she landed she immediately pivoted and began picking off the smaller darkspawn that were headed toward the rest of her friends.

While the enchanted ogre was still on the ground, Alistair took the opportunity to run his sword through its neck, spraying dark blood through the air surrounding him and all over his armor. Serena began casting ice and fire spells intermittently. Even though her magic didn't do much to deter the remaining two charging ogres, it did manage to take out several hurlocks and a few of the genlocks that slipped past Leliana's arrows. Alistair, Cullen and Serena were holding their own against the smaller darkspawn, but the ogres were becoming a problem.

Both the king and the prince had been knocked to the ground by the larger beasts several times and Serena narrowly missed being grabbed by one more than once. A few of the templars that were fighting nearby must have noticed the trouble they were having because they broke away from the main battle and ran to the aid of the undersized company. Fortunately, the added assistance afforded the three on the ground the distraction needed to go after the ogres directly with little interference from the surrounding hurlocks and genlocks.

The templars caused enough of a diversion to give Serena time to cast a paralysis spell at one of the ogres. Once the beast was immobile, Alistair ran at it full force and crashed into it with his shield which knocked it off balance. As it fell to the dusty road beneath it, Cullen used the entire weight of his body to swing his broadsword from his right shoulder and up in an arc, cleaving the creature at the neck as the blade sliced through muscle and bone with hot blood coloring everything in its vicinity.

The younger prince looked up in time to see the third ogre wrap its enormous hand around the king's waist and lift him into the air. Realizing that he didn't have enough time to get to the beast to prevent it from crushing his brother, Cullen called for his wife. "Serena!" he cried. Immediately recognizing the danger Alistair was in, the mage threw a bolt of ice at the creature to gain its attention. As soon as the ogre turned its head to find the source of the spell, Alistair took the opportunity to whip his shield around the back of the monster's head. He used the armor to jerk the creature's head forward while simultaneously plunging his blade into its gullet and up into its brain. Its grip immediately loosened allowing the king to find his feet on the ground once more.

Cullen's attention was diverted from his brother by a stream of lightning buzzing by his head to somewhere behind him. The spell caught a large hurlock in its wake which stopped the creature in its tracks.

"Cullen" He circled to see Serena standing just a few feet from him. "That's one of the generals. My mana is getting low and I can't hold this spell much longer. You have to take him out before he reaches the alienage."

As the prince began to hurtle toward the beast, he saw his brother out of the corner of his right eye running alongside him. The spell which held the general was released just before they reached their target. The darkspawn leader swung its mighty warhammer over its head in order to strike a heavy blow at its two charging assailants, but before it was able to bring the weapon around, Alistair leapt forward and slammed his shield up into the creature's lower jaw exposing its neck. The king brought his sword up to the right side of the general's neck while Cullen ran the blade of his broadsword next to its left. In one fluid motion, the brothers scissored through the beast's neck with their blades causing its head to topple forward while the weight of its weapon pulled its body backward, a geyser of blood painting all in its path a dark shade of crimson.

Once the ogres and the general were dead, only a few darkspawn remained in the Market District. After a brief check on Serena who had replenished her mana with a potion, the two men turned their attention back to the remaining stragglers. While they continued the fighting, they were approached by a young elven woman who was out of breath from running.

"Your majesty." She called between gasps. As soon as the words left her mouth, a genlock charged toward her, but was stopped quickly by one of Leliana's well-placed arrows through its forehead. The girl screamed as she watched the creature crumple to the ground in front of her. Alistair shoved his blade through the gut of a nearby hurlock before running to the elf and pulling her away from the vicinity of the lingering skirmish. Cullen and Serena left the battle as well in order to hear whatever news the girl brought.

"Your majesty." the frightened young woman began again. "A man named Riordan sent me to tell you that one of the generals broke through the outer gate of the alienage and is on its way to the tower."

"Damn." muttered the king. "Now what?"

"Well there's not much we can do about it now." replied Serena.

Alistair shook his head. "True, but it's going to make killing the archdemon more difficult and that's going to be hard enough anyway."

Serena chewed at her bottom lip in thought for a moment. "Well, maybe we can still catch it before it reaches the tower."

"Do you have something in mind?"

"I estimate that the bulk of the darkspawn, including the general are traveling on the main road to the tower." the young mage began. "The alleyways and side roads have too many twists and turns and would make it easier for them to get lost or picked off by soldiers who know the area. Besides, the creatures rely mainly on sheer numbers in full frontal assaults to decimate their foes."

"Okay." Alistair agreed. "So once we get through the alienage, we need to take the back roads in order to cut the general off before he reaches Fort Drakon."

"Exactly" Serena concurred. "And even though the general has a head start, we should be able to get there first because it will meet with heavy resistance from our soldiers along the way."

Cullen looked toward the direction of the gate that led to the alienage. "If that's the plan, we need to hurry. We don't know how much of a lead the general already has and every second we stay here widens the gap."

"You're right." said the king with a curt nod. He turned his attention to the elf. "Get yourself someplace safe, away from the fighting."

"Yes your majesty." she replied with a worried frown before cautiously heading in the direction of the Chantry.

Serena called Leliana down from the roof and filled her in on the plan as they hurried toward the alienage. Once inside the gates of the elven sanctum, the four companions were greeted by the sight of a troop of Dalish cutting down the darkspawn that remained within the alienage's walls. As they made their way to the bridge that would lead them to the tower, Serena was stopped by a blonde elven woman.

"Warden, I was wondering if you were going to make it through."

Serena gave the elf a slight bow of her head. "Shianni, it's good to see you again. Did most of your people survive the battle?"

The elf's shoulders slumped as she surveyed the ground below. "All I can say is thank Andraste that the Dalish showed up when they did. Before they arrived, we fought the creatures off as best we could. But without weapons at our disposal, we were being massacred. We lost a lot of good people…including Valendrian."

"I'm sorry for your loss." Serena said with concern and empathy. "He was a good man."

"They were all good men and women and these shemlen walls ensured that my people were like lambs given to the slaughter." Shianni spat with angry tears forming in her eyes. "Even when they knew the blight was headed this way, even then, we weren't allowed to have weapons to defend ourselves."

Alistair's jaw tightened as he thrust his open hand out for the elf to shake. "You have my word, Shianni, as soon as all of this is over I will rescind that decree. I swear to you that I will do everything I can to help your people."

The irate woman gazed at the king's open hand for a long moment while contemplating his words. Finally she clasped his wrist and regarded him with narrowed eyes. "I will hold you to that, your majesty."

Alistair answered with a quick bow of his head before gripping the elf's wrist and giving her arm a firm shake.

"I hate to interrupt." Serena broke in. "But we need to get to the tower as soon as possible."

Shianni let go of the king's arm. "That reminds me. Riordan wanted me to let you know that he is headed to the tower and that he has a plan to get rid of the archdemon."

"Did he say what it was?" Cullen asked.

"No," the elf replied. "All he said was that you needed to get to Fort Drakon as quickly as you can in the off-chance his plan doesn't work."

The four of them said their goodbyes to Shianni and ran toward the bridge. When they were almost to the gate, they were deterred by the sound of a mighty dragon hurtling toward them. It veered to its right enough to miss them, but as it passed it opened its mouth and let out a large stream of blue flame which destroyed half of the bridge.

"Wait." Alistair observed. "Was someone on the dragon's back?"

Serena's brow arched in confusion. "You saw that too?"

"I think it was Riordan." Cullen added.

Alistair shrugged. "Well, maybe it will work."

Serena shook her head. "We need to hurry just the same….just in case."

With that they tore off through the broken gates and into the alleyways of the Palace District. Along the way, they could hear the battle raging on the nearby main street, but they kept to the back roads as planned only running into a few stragglers and scouts as they went.

When they were about halfway there, they again heard the great dragon fly overhead and give a loud cry as if it were in pain. The beast, obviously wounded, flew toward the top of the tower. Leliana pointed toward the sky at something plunging toward them.

"What is that?" she asked.

It was gaining speed as it fell and Cullen realized that it was a body. "Holy Maker." he cried. "I think it's Riordan." He quickly grabbed Serena and pulled her away from the path of the plummeting corpse. The eldest Grey Warden landed on the stone street before them with a sickening thud. Thick crimson fluid began oozing from his body and Leliana had to turn her face away from the sight.

"Let's go." Serena breathed sadly, leaving the broken body of her fellow Warden behind in a pool of his own blood.


	24. Chapter 24

The closest path to Fort Drakon still ended a good distance from the tower at the main road, so the four of them had to fight their way through a large company of darkspawn to reach their destination.

When they finally found themselves outside the tower's doors, they were greeted by a horde of creatures and several barricades that had been set up outside. They ducked behind a low wall in order to forge a plan of attack.

"Your majesty?" came a nearby voice. The source was a young soldier of no more than seventeen lying in the nearby grass. His arm was draped over a gaping stab wound in his stomach. "I'm sorry sire." he said through the rivulets of blood escaping his lips. "We did the best we could, but the darkspawn outnumbered us four to one. When this big one came through leading another wave, we couldn't hold them back. Now they've taken the fort."

Alistair placed a gentle hand on the boy's shoulder. "You have nothing to be sorry for, son. You fought bravely." The young man smiled then coughed causing even more blood to flow onto his chestplate. The king turned his attention to Serena. "Can't you heal him?"

Serena shook her head despondently. "I'm sorry Alistair, Creation magic really isn't my forte, but even if it was he's lost so much blood than even the best healer wouldn't be able to help him now. The most I can do for him is to use a sleeping spell to ease his passing."

Alistair tightened his lips and nodded. "Just lie still." He told the boy. "It will all be over soon. Just know that you have served Ferelden proudly today and you have earned the gratitude of King Alistair Theirin."

As the soldier grinned widely at the king's words, Serena placed her fingertips on the young man's temples and began murmuring an incantation under her breath. Almost immediately, his eyes closed and his labored breathing began to ease. In only a few short minutes, all movement stopped as the boy found his way to the other side of the Veil.

The king spun around and threw his back against the short wall, plopping to the ground as he went. He covered his face with both hands and leaned his head back against the stone.

"Are you okay Alistair?" asked Serena.

"No, I'm not." His muffled voice sounded from behind his palms. "I'm _really_ not."

The young mage sat down beside him. "Alistair, the saddest fact of war is that young men die and there is nothing that you can do to change that. Facing that reality is the hardest part of being a leader. All you can do is move forward and make sure that that the sacrifice of that young man and all of the other men and women who have given their lives isn't in vain. The only way to do that is to win this thing."

Alistair removed his hands from his face and laid his wrists across his bent knees. He rolled his head to the side to face the young mage and let out a long, despairing sigh. "I'm not a leader Serena. I never was. I thought I could do this, I really did. But the truth is that I just don't have it in me."

"Yes you do." she rebutted. "When you spoke to those soldiers outside the mill, your words gave them the strength and courage to face the odds and charge into mortal danger." Alistair opened his mouth to speak, but Serena cut him off. "And that wasn't Alistair the former templar that spoke to them, or Alistair the Grey Warden or even Alistair the bastard son of Maric. That was Alistair the King of Ferelden who rallied those men."

The king reached out his hand and put it on Serena's left cheek. He began to rub her skin softly with his thumb while gazing into her brilliant blue eyes. Cullen had to admit that the gesture made him more than a little uncomfortable. The way his brother stared at the mage told the prince that Alistair's feelings for her hadn't changed. Because of the circumstances and because of the king's current state of mind, Cullen decided to let it slide. He knew in his heart that he had nothing to worry about when it came to Serena's love. In the end, she had chosen him after all.

"I suppose it won't matter much after today anyway." Alistair whispered. "With Riordan dead we both know how this is going to go." Serena shook her head frantically before stealing a short glance at Cullen. The king's brow furrowed. "You mean you didn't tell him?"

Cullen felt his heart sink. "Tell me what?" he asked apprehensively.

Serena swallowed hard. "It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does, Serena." The prince argued. "What's going on? What aren't you saying?"

She grabbed both of his hands and searched his green eyes pleadingly. "Do you trust me, my love?" He nodded but remained silent. "I cannot tell you what Riordan told us in secret, just trust that I will always do the right thing for us…Please trust me in this."

Cullen kissed her cheek softly. He had no choice. He loved Serena and had to have faith in her judgment. "So how do we get past the barricades and into the tower?" he asked, changing the subject. "There are too many to just charge through their line."

Serena fell silent for a long moment, deep in thought. She took a quick peek over the wall before addressing the others. "Okay, here's the plan. Leliana, I want you to run to the other side of the courtyard and toward the barricades on the right. Once you are within a few feet, begin to fire off arrows to distract them. It should cause most of them to instinctively rush to that side. I will create a wall of fire to cut off their right flank so as soon as you see a blaze, get out of there as fast as you can. Once that spell is in place, we only have a window of eight minutes at most to get into the tower before it ends. Because of the barricades on the left, we will have to make our way up the middle and through the remaining darkspawn. I think the best way to do that is to just charge the line as quickly and as hard as we can. Hopefully my spell will keep enough of them contained for us to make it to the doors. Once inside, we activate the locks and take care of any darkspawn in the immediate vicinity."

Cullen thought that his wife's plan was a longshot at best, but it was the only one they had and he didn't see any other options. The prince was actually very pleasantly surprised at how well Serena's plan actually worked. Instead of trying to go down the middle, the bulk of the creatures ran toward the right to get to the rogue that had begun thinning their numbers with her arrows. Leliana managed to escape the blast of flame that Serena hurtled toward the darkspawn with a low backflip before joining the others who had begun heading toward the door. They still had to fight their way through, but the amount of darkspawn had been greatly reduced by Serena's incantation.

They made it through the door just as the inferno spell wore off. They were relieved by the fact that only a few of the creatures were inside the entryway of the fort and Cullen and Alistair dealt with them fairly quickly and easily. Once the door had been secured, the four companions moved forward toward the steps that led to the upper floors.

They made the decision to head straight for the top of the tower instead of trying to seek out the general. Amazingly, they met with very little resistance. They came across a few larger pockets of darkspawn on the way, but nothing that they couldn't handle. When they opened the large double doors that led to the open roof, they expected to be bombarded by the creatures, but discovered that the only spawn at the top of Fort Drakon at that moment was the archdemon itself.

They saw the last of the tower's defenders trying to take the beast down without any success. Some of the soldiers were shooting arrows at it, but the projectiles simply bounced off the creature's tough hide. Any of the men who tried to go after it with a sword were swept away by either the dragon's head or massive tail before they could get close enough to touch it or the beast would simply let out a long stream of blue flame and roast its assailants. Alistair motioned toward a set of great stone steps to let the other three know that they should use them to hide behind. Once they were all crouched behind the stairway, the king turned to the others.

"So now what?" he asked with frustration. "Arrows obviously aren't going to do anything but piss it off and nobody can get near it with a blade." He sighed and looked around at the smoke blackened sky that was beginning to show signs of dusk approaching. The others were speaking in hushed tones trying to come up with a viable solution while Alistair continued his search of the heavens. Cullen noticed his brother had stopped searching the sky and saw the visible wheels turning in the king's head. "Hey." he said, interrupting the two women who were still speaking. "What about that ballista? An arrow might not pierce through the dragon's skin, but maybe one of those big bolts can."

Cullen shrugged. "It's worth a shot."

Alistair rubbed his scruffy chin between his thumb and index finger. "Hmmm." he contemplated. "One of us will have to run over there and fire it."

Serena disrupted the king's thought process. "I think it would be better if we sent two people over there. That way when the darkspawn inevitably make it up here, the person firing the ballista will have someone to protect them."

"Good idea." agreed the king. "And while those two people are headed to the weapon, the other two can draw the dragon's attention away from them."

"Okay," Serena stepped in. "Leliana has the best aim of any of us, so she can man the ballista. Alistair, you should go with her to make sure she stays safe. Meanwhile, Cullen and I can create a distraction."

"Why don't we send Cullen with Leliana and you and I can be waiting on the ground to strike the killing blow once it's down?"

"Oh, no." Cullen protested. "There is no way that you are going to convince me to leave my wife's side, especially not if we're using her as bait."

"But-" Alistair began.

Serena shook her head. "There's no point in arguing with him Alistair. You should know by now that it's a fight you aren't going to win."

Alistair sighed loudly in frustration. "Fine, but I'll be back before you take its head. And that's an argument _you_ can't win."

"Agreed." the mage said with a resolved nod.

Cullen was tempted to ask what was going on again, but he knew that neither his wife nor his brother would tell him. He thought he might have an idea of what they were hiding from him and the realization made him want to vomit. He dismissed the feeling as best he could while swallowing back the bile that had begun to creep up his chest and into his throat. It couldn't have meant what he suspected. Serena would have told him about something that important.

"Cullen and I will run out into the open and I will cast a spell at it." Serena commanded, interrupting her husband's introspection. "You two wait until we have its full attention and then get to that turret as fast as you can." She then turned to the prince and placed her delicate palm into his and squeezed tightly. "Are you ready, love?" she asked with a worried smile.

"Ready" he said just before he kissed the back of her hand. With a nod, they leapt from their hiding place and ran toward the archdemon. Serena threw a bolt of ice at its head and the beast turned its eyes toward her and Cullen. It let out a great roar and spit a torrent of blue flame in their direction. From the corner of his eye, the prince spotted Leliana and Alistair running toward the steps that led up to the ballista.

After what seemed like only a few minutes, Cullen saw a large bolt sail through the air and hit the dragon in the side of its neck. It pierced the skin, but just barely and not enough to do anything but anger the creature more. A second cry from the beast was immediately followed by the great wooden doors being splintered into a thousand pieces and a horde of darkspawn descending upon them. What made things worse was the fact that the creatures were being led by the remaining general.

"Dammit!" Serena cursed. Cullen took her by the hand and pulled her toward the steps that they hid behind before. He knew that they wouldn't be protected by the cover for long, but he hoped that it would give him and Serena time to come up with a solution. He watched as she closed her eyes and delved deep into her mind for an answer to their problem. As he waited, he could hear the ballista continue to fire at the archdemon in vain.

The young mage's eyes popped open. "I've got it," she proclaimed, "but I need you to keep those things off me while I cast."

"Nothing will get past me, love." he exclaimed. "I won't let anything hurt you."

Serena kissed him lightly on the cheek before walking out into the open. As soon as she did, several genlocks and a hurlock raced toward her. Cullen jumped in front of her and began hacking away at the monsters. As he fought them, he pushed them back from his wife's position giving her a wide berth in order to cast her spells. He heard the ballista fire once more and through his peripheral vision, he saw Serena cast something at the missile. Whatever the mage did must have had the desired effect because the archdemon lurched and let out a bellowing roar.

After the crippling blow that the beast took, even more darkspawn advanced on the prince's position. He was becoming overwhelmed as they pushed him back toward Serena's location.

Suddenly, out of the darkness the sound of a mighty war horn split the night sky. Just as he was running his sword through an attacking hurlock, he spotted a large contingent of dwarves swarming through the archway where the doors opening to the tower had been. Immediately, a group of the warriors descended upon Cullen and Serena's attackers and began thinning their numbers.

A flash of light caught the prince's eye as it streaked past him and toward another bolt that was making its way to the side of the dragon's neck. He watched as lightening fused with the end of the wood as the projectile hurtled toward its target. The missile went straight into the beast's neck just behind its head. The smell of roasting meat wafted in the air as the electricity of the shockwave burned the dragon's insides. It bellowed and cried, shaking its enormous head in anger and pain.

Cullen was brought out of his fascination by a genlock bounding toward him with a large axe. With a mighty swing, he cleaved the creature in two at its waist. Another brilliant ray of light pierced the surrounding shadows, this one much larger and more radiant than the last. It sped toward the archdemon and flew into the beast's gaping maw and down its gullet. Its cries were silenced by the magic spell that had all but obliterated its throat. At that point, one final blow was all it would take to destroy the monster and end the blight.

Cullen circled to shove his blade into the gut of an advancing hurlock when he spied the darkspawn general on a turret at Serena's back. The prince called out to her to move, but she was fighting off a group of the creatures who were trying to flank her right side and didn't hear him over the din of the battle. As fast as his legs could carry him, Cullen ran toward her, cutting down any beasts that dared to get in his way.

The general lifted its hefty battleaxe high in the air as it leapt from the wall above the mage. As the blade of the creature's weapon descended, almost splitting Serena's skull, Cullen approached from her left and shoved her to the ground and out of range of the axe. The prince then hoisted the point of his claymore upward. As soon as the tip entered the creature, the tremendous weight of it caused its body to slide down the blade like it was a piece of meat being skewered and readied for the spit. Cullen knew that if the beast's body fell on him, the weight would likely crush him at that angle so he used every bit of strength he had to shove the body behind him which caused even more blood to run down and all over his hands. The force of the prince's thrust caused the general's feet to flip over into the air, but also caused Cullen to lose his balance in the process. As he fell, Cullen's blood soaked hands slipped from the hilt of his sword and it remained in the belly of the creature that landed behind him. When he hit the ground, the prince felt all of the air being pushed from his lungs as his back made contact with the bricks below.

Serena ran to his side. "Cullen, are you hurt?"

"I'm okay." he moaned through labored breaths.

"Warden!" one of the dwarves shouted in panic. "That dragon's moving."

Those words caused the mage's head to jerk up toward the direction of the beast. She glanced to her right before turning her attention back to her husband. She placed her palm on his cheek and stared into his eyes. Her sapphire orbs glistening with the tears that had begun to form in them.

"I'm sorry, Cullen." she whispered. "I love you…always."

The heartbreak written all over her face was all that the prince needed to tell him that he had been correct in his earlier assumptions. She stood and began to run toward the archdemon, pulling Cullen's blade free from the general's body as she went. The prince rolled over onto his knees, still winded from his fall. Time seemed to crawl as he watched his entire world racing away from him, headed for the Void. He tried to cry out to her, but he couldn't find his voice. He then saw his brother running toward the beast from her right. She threw out her hand and cast a spell at the king, causing him to stop in his tracks. By the time Cullen found his feet and ran to stop Serena, she dropped to one knee and slid beneath the creature slicing the center of its throat as she went. She sidled its huge head as it hit the ground and she pivoted on her heel.

"Serena!" Cullen cried. "Don't do this! Don't leave me!"

She lifted his sword high in the air and glanced back at him. Her cheeks glistened in the firelight from the tears that had started streaming down her face. "Goodbye…my love." she called back to him before returning her attention to the dragon at her feet. She let out a loud guttural scream as she plunged the blade into the neck of the beast. As soon as she began to pull the hilt toward her to take the demon's head, a bright light began emanating from the opening. Cullen watched helplessly as his life was ending before his eyes. Sobbing, he dropped to his knees.

Just as the dragon's head became separated from its body, a loud thundering boom sounded followed by a great blast of air which knocked everyone standing on the tower from their feet. As his body flew through the air, Cullen's vision was assaulted by a resplendent white hot beam before everything went black.


	25. Chapter 25

"My orders come from the Knight-Commander herself." the guardsman stated loudly. "We aren't taking in anymore of you stray dogs, so you might as well turn around and get back on the boat."

Cullen's voice remained even and patient as he removed the pack from his shoulders. "I think that you will find that you can make an exception for me." He began rifling through his bag until he recovered a tightly bound scroll. He handed it over to the man who was blocking the gate.

"What's this?" he harrumphed as he began to unroll the parchment. He sneered at Cullen. "I don't care if this says you're the bloody king of Ferelden, you're not getting through." He looked down and commenced to scanning the piece of paper in his hand. "Why you lot think you have to invade our city…" His voice began to trail off as he read. Suddenly his whole body stiffened as he stood at attention. "I am sorry, ser, if I would have known…"

Cullen took the scroll from the guard's hand, rolled it back up and bound it with a small leather strap. "If you would have known," he began with an authoritative manner, "you would have not spoken to me like I was some sort of dirt on the bottom of your shoe."

The prince could see beads of perspiration forming at the man's brow. "N-no, ser." he stammered.

"Do me a favor, Lieutenant." Cullen requested without looking at the man.

"Anything, ser."

"The next time you decide that it's okay to speak to my one of my countrymen in that manner, just picture yourself with my boot up your ass. Just because the Knight-Commander has ordered that no more refugees will be allowed in the city doesn't give you license to treat them badly. These people have lost their homes and everything they have ever known to the blight. I have witnessed the destruction of the darkspawn horde first hand. You can't even fathom the devastation those monsters left in their wake across my homeland. So even though you need to be firm with any refugees who are trying to enter, there is no need to be rude. Do we understand one another, ser?"

The man clapped his fist to his heart and gave an abrupt jerk of his head. "Yes, Knight-Captain."

"Good." Cullen concluded. "Now that we have that out of the way, will you please open the gate so I can get into the city?"

"But Knight-Captain Cullen, shouldn't you report to the Knight-Commander first?" the guardsman inquired.

"That is between Meredith and myself." Cullen replied bluntly. "I have personal business to attend to and I will deal with the Knight-Commander when it is concluded."

The man answered with a crisp bow of finality. "As you say, Knight-Captain." He then turned to the gate control behind him and pulled the lever to raise the iron bars. Cullen passed by the man and walked down the steps to the docks that faced the city of Kirkwall. A small ferry was waiting at the bottom so he boarded it and sat down. Without a word and without waiting for other passengers, the ferryman began to row toward the city. Cullen sat silently and began to reflect on his life, but his thoughts were interrupted rather abruptly by the man driving the small watercraft.

"Don't see many of your lot coming from the Gallows anymore." he observed. "Been at least three weeks since I carried one of your kind to the city."

The templar was quickly losing his patience with the citizens of Kirkwall and he hadn't even actually entered the city yet. "One of my kind?" he asked crossly.

If the old man noticed the ire in Cullen's voice, he chose to ignore it. "Yeah, and he was the first one in months. He was as tall as you, serah and blonde with a short ponytail. A bit squirrely if you ask me."

"Really?" the prince asked only half paying attention.

"Yep." the boatman continued. "He was an odd one alright. Hear tell that he's some kind of healer…opened a clinic somewhere in the Undercity. I even heard that he was a Grey Warden."

Those words piqued Cullen's interest. He wondered which Grey Warden the man could have been talking about. "A Warden? From Ferelden? Did you happen to get his name?"

The old man shook his head. "No, serah, I didn't, but if I would have known that he was one of them mages, I would have handed him over to the Knight-Commander straight away."

"Do you have a problem with mages?" the templar inquired warily.

"If you ask me, they're what's wrong with the world." the man answered with disgust. "Thedas would be much better off if the Chantry just rounded up anyone with magic and executed every last one of them."

Cullen could feel his face getting hot with his rising anger. "You do know that a mage saved the world from the blight, don't you?"

"Well, serah" the ferryman responded with a frown. "I heard that, but maybe that's what them mages want us to believe. It's no secret that the new Ferelden king is soft on those with magic. Even heard tell that he almost married one of them abominations. The witch probably cast a spell on him, course it could just be the fact that he's just as dumb as everyone says." The man chuckled. "That's not sayin' much when it comes to you Ferelden folk though."

The templar was ready to draw his sword on the geezer when he looked around and noticed that they were only a few feet from the dock. As the ferry pulled up to the pier, the old man addressed Cullen once again. "By the way, I didn't catch your name, boy."

The prince was seething. Not only had the bigot insulted his brother, his king and his country but he had the unmitigated audacity to disrespect the savior of Thedas who just happened to have been his wife. "That's because I didn't give it." Cullen said in a low voice. He stood at his full height and looked down his nose at the man. "If you really must know, my name is Cullen…._Knight-Captain _Cullen."

"W-well, ser" the ferryman stammered. "I see. I didn't mean nothin' by what I said about Fereldens, ser. It was just me running off at the mouth making conversation."

"How much do I owe you?" the templar inquired gruffly.

"N-nothing, ser. Not a thing." the boatman replied. "Templars in Kirkwall ride the ferry for free…although tips are always appreciated."

"But what is the price of your normal fare?" Cullen insisted.

"One silver." The man responded.

The prince reached into the small leather pouch that hung at his waist and retrieved a silver coin. The ferryman eagerly held out his palm to receive his payment.

"I'm not in the city on templar business today" Cullen explained "so I will pay your toll like everyone else." He pressed the coin into the man's hand and curled his big fingers around the old man's bony ones. With a quick jerk he pulled the boatman toward him and bent down at the waist until he was close enough to feel the man's putrid breath on his face. "And here's your tip. The next time you decide to insult a man's homeland, make sure that he isn't someone who can cause you to lose your livelihood with just a few words."

The old man swallowed hard then nodded frantically. "Y-yes, ser. Sorry ser."

As he walked away from the docks, Cullen came to the realization of how much he had changed since that night atop Fort Drakon. Gone was the shy, naïve, accommodating young man. He had been replaced by a man who had nothing to lose because he already lost the only thing that mattered. He had become emotionally numb with an occasional bout of gut wrenching heartache that threatened to consume his very soul.

He found his way into Lowtown and realized after almost an hour that he was just going around in circles. He wondered if he should just give up and ask for directions. After recognizing that he had passed the same vendor stall four times, he stopped to see if he could gain his bearings.

"If you tell me where you're trying to go" Cullen heard a voice behind him say. "I might be able to help you find it."

The templar turned to see a blonde dwarf leaning against the side of a stairway leading up to a set of shabby apartments. He was decked out in a brown leather duster and a bright red and gold tunic with no undershirt which showed off a thick patch of chest hair beneath. On his back was a crossbow, the likes of which Cullen had never seen. The dwarf flashed a toothy grin before bowing animatedly.

"Varric Tethras, at your service."

"Cullen." the prince offered flatly.

The dwarf appeared to be sizing him up. "You're Ferelden aren't you?"

"Yes." answered the templar. "But what makes you think I'm lost."

"You mean other than the fact that you've walked past me with a confused look on your face half a dozen times?"

"It wasn't that many." Cullen huffed.

Varric waved his hand in dismissal. "Close enough, but you do have to admit you've seen quite a bit of this particular street."

"It's a fair enough point." the prince admitted. "So can you help me find my way out of this blighted part of the city?"

"But of course, good ser." the dwarf replied. "And it's not as if I really have anything better to do. At the moment, I am waiting for my friend who went upstairs to change and talk to her brother…So where are you headed in our fair city?"

"I'm actually trying to get to the Wounded Coast." Cullen told him.

Varric seemed a bit taken aback by the templar's response. "The Wounded Coast? There's nothing out there but bandits, Tal Vashoth and empty roads. Why in Andraste's name would you want to go there?"

Cullen crossed his arms to his chest. "It's personal."

The dwarf shrugged. "None of my business, I suppose…Anyway, the best way to get to the coast is through Hightown near the Chantry."

"So how do I get to Hightown?"

Varric pointed to the path on his left. "Head straight down that way and take the first right. Then left, and you should see a big stairway on your right."

"Sounds easy enough." the prince acknowledged. "And from there?"

The dwarf shook his head. "This would be so much easier with a map. Unfortunately, I don't typically carry pen and parchment with me."

"Nor do I." sighed the templar as he looked toward the hovels that were located up the stairway. "What about your friend? Maybe she would have-"

"No." Varric interrupted. "You couldn't pay me enough to go up there when Hawke is dealing with her family. It's only a matter of time before she and that brother of hers come to blows and I don't want to be caught in the middle of _that_ shit storm."

"Well then," Cullen said dejectedly, "I suppose we're back to you giving me verbal directions."

The dwarf grinned while pulling a rolled up piece of parchment from the inside of his coat. "I can't believe I forgot about this."

"What is it?"

"It's a map I made for Daisy so she wouldn't get lost anymore."

"Who's Daisy?"

"She's just another acquaintance of Hawke and myself." Varric began to unroll the scroll that he held in his hands. "Sweet girl, but a bit on the ditzy side. You know how it goes."

"Sure." the prince conceded. He had often had similar thoughts about Leliana. Thinking about his travels with Serena and his friends during the blight made his stomach lurch. Varric must have picked up on Cullen's change in demeanor right away.

"Is something wrong?"

Cullen shook his head. "No," he lied. "It's fine. What you said, it just reminded me of someone I use to know."

"Old girlfriend?"

"No." The prince decided that he really wanted to change the subject. The journey he found himself on at that very moment was difficult enough without any more reminders of the past. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about it, especially to a complete stranger. "So how much to borrow your map for the day?"

"Keep it, free of charge, messere." replied Varric dismissively. "I can always make Daisy another one."

"I always pay my debts, ser. At least let me give you something for your trouble." Cullen insisted

"Tell you what." the dwarf offered. "Let's just say you owe me one. I often find that a favor in kind can be much more valuable than coin."

The prince was a bit apprehensive about owing a favor to anyone, especially this particular dwarf. He seemed friendly enough, but he was just a little too smooth for Cullen's taste. On the other hand he didn't see where he had much choice. He needed to get to the Coast and having Varric's map would make it a lot easier.

"Agreed." the templar capitulated.

"I have a room at the Hanged Man if you're ever inclined to look me up." the dwarf told him while handing over the map. "And just in case I need to, where might I find you?"

"The Gallows." Cullen answered

Varric looked him over and shifted his weight from one foot to another. "Well, I take it by that rather large sword you're carrying that you're not a mage. Which means that you're a-"

"A templar, yes." the prince finished.

Varric coughed nervously. He stared at the ground for a few minutes obviously deep in thought. When he finally met Cullen's eyes again, he was grinning from ear to ear. "You know, that might work out rather nicely. I kind of like the idea of having a templar owe me a favor." He began rubbing his chin with his index finger again and mumbled something under his breath about Hawke.

A glance to the sky told Cullen that it was starting to get late. "Well, then Varric, now that we have that settled, I really need to be on my way."

"Of course, Ser Cullen." The dwarf bowed low again. "And good luck with your business."

The templar thanked Varric before finally making his way to Hightown. The rest of his trip through Kirkwall was uneventful, as was his journey to the coast. After what the dwarf told him about bandits, Cullen was a little worried he might run into trouble, but he didn't. As he walked toward the beach, he looked out upon the gentle waves lapping the rocks on the shore. He pulled his pack from his shoulders and sat down on a large flat bolder near the water.

"Well, here we are my love." he said sadly as he retrieved a small silver urn from his bag. "Just as I promised." He looked down at the vessel in his hands and could feel tears stinging his eyes. Those tears began to flow freely as he pulled a long silver chain from beneath his shirt. On the end dangled a delicate silver ring adorned with one perfect sapphire that just matched Serena's eyes. The prince closed his large hand around the small piece of jewelry and exhaled slowly. As if by instinct, he retrieved a folded piece of parchment from a pouch at his belt. He opened it up and began to read it for at least the hundredth time.

_My Dearest Love,_

_If you are reading this, then it is because I was the one who had to put the archdemon down. I wanted to tell you about it, but I was afraid you would try to stop me, protect me like you always do. I couldn't let that happen. In the end, it had to come down to a decision of whether to sacrifice Alistair or myself. Alistair is too important to the people of Ferelden to allow him to die. For the people to lose their new king right after he was found would have been devastating to any country, but especially one trying to recover from a blight. _

_There is something I must tell you, love, just in case you were to find out later from someone else. I would rather you hear this from me. Morrigan offered me the opportunity to save both myself and Alistair while still killing the archdemon. I will admit that it was tempting, especially if it meant that I would get to spend more time with you, but in the end I just couldn't do it. The ritual she wanted to perform involved blood magic and I wasn't about to be involved in such a thing to merely save my own life. I also know that if I went through with it and you found out, you would have never been able to forgive me. I couldn't bear the thought of you hating me or seeing me as weak because I gave into that. Although it may hurt now to know that I could have saved myself, in time you will come to realize that it was the right thing to do._

_I only have one regret in my life and that is that I wasted way too much time waiting for you. I should have told you how I felt about you years ago. As it is, these last few weeks of being with you have been the happiest of my life. Being married to you, being loved by you has given me more joy than I ever thought possible. Thank you for always being there for me, Cullen, for being my protector, my lover and my best friend. Your love has meant everything to me. _

_I only ask one thing of you, my darling, please don't let this weigh you down. Don't let my death ruin your entire life. You are the most wonderful man I have ever known and you deserve all of the happiness life has to offer. Please allow yourself to heal and move on. Don't live in despair. Just know that at the end of it all, I will be waiting for you on the other side of the Veil and when you do finally cross over, we will have an eternity to spend together. I love you Cullen, with all of my heart._

_Forever yours,_

_Serena_

"You should have told me." Cullen whispered. "You should have asked me about the ritual and given me the choice, Serena. There is absolutely nothing in this world that would make me hate you and I would have given anything, made any sacrifice to keep you alive."

He could feel anger rise in his chest just as it always did when he read that letter. At first he was angry with her, but in time he realized that it was his own fault. If he hadn't spoken out so bitterly against blood magic and mages after she rescued him from the tower, maybe she would still be with him. It did teach him one very hard lesson though…sometimes the ends do justify the means. Nothing in life was ever black and white. There was always a grey area to everything, including blood magic. He just wished he would have seen the truth of that earlier, and then maybe he wouldn't have to spend the rest of his life alone. Serena told him to move on, but he didn't see how that could ever be possible. She was the only woman he ever wanted. Even in death, she held his heart in the palm of her hand. It was hers completely and would be until the day he joined her beyond the Veil.

Cullen looked out at the water again and saw the city. It was dirty, filled with crime and most of the people were assholes, but it was his home now. He made a promise to Serena that he would take her to Kirkwall and help find her family and he intended to keep that promise.

The prince continued to scan the horizon and his eyes fell upon the Gallows. Kirkwall's circle was well known among the Order as being the toughest one in Thedas. Mages were treated as prisoners, more so than anywhere else. At least at Ferelden's circle, the order tried to maintain the façade of being a school and most of the mages there felt like they were being protected from the outside world which didn't understand them. In Kirkwall, especially under Knight-Commander Meredith, mages were told that they were being kept behind bars to protect everyone else and that they were being punished for being born with magic. That thought disgusted Cullen. He couldn't imagine what it would have been like for Serena if she hadn't been sent to Ferelden. He remembered her recollection of Kirkwall from when she was a child and he thanked the Maker for getting her out of there. Now he was to be part of all of that.

When Alistair asked him what his plans were after Serena's death, he requested that his brother help him get a transfer to the Kirkwall Circle, although he never expected to be given the rank of Knight-Captain. The only reason he decided to return to the order was because of the fact that being a templar, especially in that city, would afford him all of the resources he needed to find the Amells. Once that was done, he wasn't sure what he was going to do with his life.

At that very moment though, he had only one more thing to do before heading back into the city. Cullen stood, dropping his pack to the side, and walked toward the edge of the shore. He gazed at the urn in his left hand for a long moment before putting his right fist to his heart and closing his eyes.

"Ashes we were and ashes we become. Maker, give this young woman a place at your side. Let us take comfort in the peace she has found in eternity." Fresh tears stained Cullen's cheeks as he stared at the chalice in his hand once more. "I swear to you that I will find your family and make sure that they know that you were the bravest, kindest and most giving woman in the world and that you were someone that they could be proud of. I will never forget you, Serena. Even though you're gone, I will be yours forever." He slowly unscrewed the ornate top. "Goodbye, my love." With those words, he released her ashes into the wind and watched them scatter over the water. When the last of them had disappeared, he screwed the top back on the urn and tossed it into the drink where it quickly sank beneath the waves.

Cullen let out a long ragged breath before turning and picking his pack up from the ground. It was getting dark and as he walked back to the city he could have sworn that a delicate hand took his and gave it a gentle squeeze. He then felt what he could only describe as an icy kiss on his right cheek and a whisper on the wind spoke softly to him. _I love you._

Some might have said that it was just his imagination or merely wishful thinking on his part, but he felt her standing at his side. He smiled for the first time since her death. "I love you too, Serena." He whispered back. It was at that moment that Cullen realized his life wasn't over. He could go on because he knew that his love was right there with him and always would be.


End file.
